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  Flight Paths

You Don’t Want to Hear This

1/14/2013

11 Comments

 
When I was fifteen, the teenage Bible class met upstairs in the building where the church assembled.  The stairs were steep and narrow.  After you become accustomed to something, you become careless, and one Sunday morning after the bell rang and the halls below were filled with talking and laughter, I headed down those stairs and stepped just a little too far.  The front of my foot bent forward at an anatomically impossible angle, and my downward plunge didn’t stop till I hit the bottom.

Do you know what I did?  Even though my foot started to swell like a balloon on a helium tank, even though the doctor shook his head and told me it was the worst sprain he had ever seen, even though that foot bothered me for six months and the ankle always twisted at the least bit of uneven ground for the next twenty years—despite the gravity of the injury and the pain, the first thing I did was push my skirt down.  When I landed at the bottom of the staircase, it was up around my waist.  That lasted approximately 0.2 seconds.  Whoosh!  It was down and back to my knees once again.  Then, and only then, did I moan.

Modesty was second nature to me because I was taught it as a child.  I have a friend who wouldn’t give the ER doctor her shirt, despite the fact that she was having a heart attack at that moment.  That’s the way we were raised.  That’s the way most people raised their daughters.  I’m not so sure they do any longer.

This is something that most women do not want to hear.  They do not want to believe what I am going to tell you about good men.  They want to think that this only applies to bad men, to immature men, to worldly men, but it doesn’t.  It applies to them all because they are men.

God made men differently than he made women.  He put something in them that makes them think and behave differently.  It’s a hormone, ladies, just like the hormones you want to use to excuse your less than stellar behavior at certain times of life, only it’s a male hormone. 

Testosterone is what makes a man a man.  It makes him aggressive and protective.  That is why he romances you.  That is why he wants to provide for you and take care of you and the children you have together.  Good things, right?  It also makes him more easily aroused sexually.  He is not a “dirty old man” when he feels that way.  He is, quite simply, a man.  If he has to put up with your moods, you must put up with the side effects of his hormones too.  And just like you expect him to be understanding, he has the right to expect the same from you—without ridicule and without complaint. 

Far more important than that, God expects it of you.  You must not do anything that could cause a man to sin (stumble, offend), and that leads us to the clothing we wear.  Granted, we are talking about good men, men who practice self-control.  Some men can lust after a woman who is covered head to toe in a horse blanket.  You can’t do anything about them and God doesn’t hold you responsible for that.  But when I hear a Christian college girl say to a young man, “I can wear my bikini if I want to--deal with it!” I know someone needs an attitude adjustment.

Look at Romans 14 and, instead of thinking about the idolatry problem, think about the clothes you wear. Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, "As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God." So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother, vv 10-13.  When we don’t care how our actions affect our brothers, we are despising them, Paul says, judging them, and we will have to answer to God for that. 

Now look at verse 15, with just one slight word change:  For if your brother is grieved by what you [wear], you are no longer walking in love. By what you [wear], do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.  Are you willing to meet God having destroyed a brother by your insistence that you can do as you like and he should “Deal with it?”

Every Man’s Battle is a book that every woman should read.  As I said, you won’t like it.  You won’t like thinking about the fact that the man you love is like that, but refusing to deal with the issue won’t change it.  Once you understand what your man is dealing with, you will be able to help him through it.

And here is something else just as important:  Teach your girls about it!  Do you want to keep them safe in a world of predators?  Teach them how to avoid the traps.  How they act and what they wear can make a huge difference.  And listen to their fathers.  If he says, “She doesn’t leave the house in that outfit,” pay attention to him!  He knows better than you what could happen if she does.

The fashion world knows exactly what it is doing when it creates the clothes women wear.  Unlike the women in the church who want to stick their heads in the sand, worldly women can tell you in an instant what a woman’s clothes do to a man. 

This is a serious matter.  It’s about the destiny of souls, and God holding us responsible for them.

But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! Matthew 18:6-7

Dene Ward

11 Comments
Stephanie Moody
1/14/2013 01:30:30 am

Excellent! Thank you for sharing! I teach a teenage girls Bible class once a month in my home. We talk about this subject from time to time. Your insight is very helpful. Thank you!

Reply
Melissa link
1/14/2013 02:05:13 am

VERY good!! I wrote a post on similar topic not long ago...addressed to young women. Thank you for writing this! http://whohearsahorton.wordpress.com/2012/02/10/dear-young-woman/

Reply
Mark Darrell
1/14/2013 02:59:24 am

Mr. Ali once told his young daughters that they should not wear revealing clothes in public because "that which is hard to obtain is well covered. The cheap and easy can be plucked up and tossed aside too easily".

Reply
Kathey Freeman
1/14/2013 03:05:28 am

Thank you so much for your excellent article! You are so right when you say that many ladies in the church have their heads in the sand - or, worse yet, becoming angry with the messengers instead of recognizing the sin of immodest apparel. Thank you!

Reply
Weatherly Hardy link
1/14/2013 03:09:49 am

God bless you! This is so very needed. I run into the feminist attitude touting ZERO responsibility for what women wear, and it just hurts my head.

One Facebook entry has a whinge about "If you say women should eschew certain modes of dress, behaviors and locales to avoid attack, then you (men) are clearly saying that you need help avoiding attacking a woman for one more day..."

Sigh. My response:

There are animals out there playing at being men. I do not know if dress sets them off, or if they have a Norman Bates thing going on, but their existence does not indict all males, even if Womyns Studies 101 says that all men are (potential) rapists.

I believe that everyone should take responsibility to prevent such attacks. It's just smart. When I am at a con(vention), I go out of my way to be accompanied when I have the day's receipts on me. I do not go alone, and I do not advertise what I am carrying, and I am aware of my surroundings. That is intelligent behavior, and it helps me to avoid being robbed. This sort of thing can be used to help avoid other attacks as well. If I do not make this effort, there are precious few who will look out for me. This is not "assigning blame". It is developing survival skills, since we in our wisdom have rejected a society of manners and morals to control behavior.
------------------
I really appreciate your sharing on the way we men are wired, and that both sides should be cognizant of their differing chemistries, and the behaviors that flow therefrom.

The profaning (worldifying?) of the church's young women is a tragedy. I have three grown sons who find precious little difference in the young ladies in or out of the church. (This has helped discourage one from church involvement - not excusing, but stumbling comes from varied sources.)

Reply
Becky Speer
1/14/2013 03:39:14 am

So very well said! Thank you for speaking plainly on a subject that isn't popular at all and, at least where we live now, appears to be ignored by some. I will be sharing this with anyone that will listen.

Reply
Tammy
1/14/2013 09:43:23 pm

I did read Every Man's Battle, and it certainly was an eye opener! I didn't like it,but it did help me to understand men a little better.

Reply
Patricia Williams
1/15/2013 06:02:44 am

Thank you so much for this article. It is honest and straight forward. I pray that all young ladies learn these facts of life. We as women may not understand emotionally why a man is the way he is, but we can understand the teachings from our Lord. He teaches us to dress modestly for a reason.

Reply
Renee'
1/20/2013 03:32:21 am

I had a similar thing happen to me when I was maybe twelve or so. I was running down a hill, and tripped just before I reached the gravel road at the bottom. As I skidded across the gravel I remember two things. My dress was no longer where it should be, and oh yes, I was hurting! I yanked the dress down as people came running to help me. A very nice lady came over to tell us that she ws a nurse, and she'd like to help. I was horrified when she lifted my dress to check my injuries! I was young, but I remember thinking that this was something that should have been done in a private setting. Thank you for writing about this very important subject. Too few of us are willing to discuss this important issue. We live in the world, but should not let the world live in us! Our choice of clothing should show to the world that we belong to Christ.

Reply
AmberLynn
1/20/2013 04:34:54 am

SO VERY TRUE

Reply
Kristine
1/21/2013 01:35:00 pm

Thank you Dene. Excellent article. I couldn't agree more.

Reply



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    Dene Ward has taught the Bible for more than  forty years, spoken at women’s retreats and lectureships, and has written both devotional books and class materials. She lives in Lake Butler, Florida, with her husband Keith.


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