First, this is not about sexual abuse in the context of the church, usually by church leaders of some stripe. That is a case where the perpetrator deserves prison and the victim deserves all the counseling s/he needs and the love and acceptance of the group where it happened. Who knows how many others might be saved if we quit closing our eyes to things that most certainly do exist whether we want to believe it or not? No, this is not about that.
I have experienced all sorts of hurt in my life, hurt perpetrated by Christians. As a preacher's family we were lied about, slandered, gossiped about to the point that a close friend who lived 150 miles away called to ask what was going on. That's how far it had spread. We have received death threats that wound up with an FBI agent standing at our front door. Once, a group of elders was so angry that the church was growing under Keith's tutelage and everyone loved him and our family that they threw us out during the holidays. We found a new place, but we were within two days of becoming homeless. So, yes, I understand how it feels when the people who are supposed to be closer than family and support you through thick and thin betray you. I know countless preachers and elders and their wives, as well as Bible class teachers who have been through the same thing. It did not make us special. Even the apostle Paul dealt with "false brethren" (2 Cor 11:26).
But none of that gives any of us the right to denigrate the body of Christ for which he died; the body of Christ that is part of God's plan since before the world was made (Eph 3:10,11). Just think for a minute if the apostles had reacted as some do. One of their very own not only stole from them but put them in a dangerous position when he betrayed the Lord. Why do you think Peter so suddenly denied being one of Jesus' followers? Surely it crossed his mind that they were now all in danger and he could be standing up there next to Jesus during the trial, scourging, and ultimate crucifixion if he did anything else. Think for a minute how Jesus' murder affected them all—Peter saying, "I'm going fishing," as if it were time to get back to normal, and the hopelessness of those on the road to Emmaus, ("we had thought"). Think how all of those women felt who stood there looking at the gruesome bleeding wounds and watching him take his last breath? Don't you think these people were traumatized?
How do you think people felt when they actually watched Ananias and Sapphira fall over dead? When it says "great fear" came on the church, it certainly wasn't mere reverence. How did it feel to the non-Palestinian Jews whose widows were completely left out of the serving, good women, older women who could have starved because they left all meaning to return but never got to after Pentecost? Wouldn't that have cut to the heart? Sometimes I wonder about us and the generation we have raised who cannot stand to be disciplined or simply disagreed with because it just hurts so much that I can no longer function as the Lord expects me to. What?!
How did Paul handle his hurt? Not by spreading it everywhere, telling everyone about the horrible people he had to deal with. Paul understood that the mission God has given us is far more important than our feelings. To place ourselves above that mission is nothing more than pride and self-centeredness. The way to get past these things is not to malign God's plan—which is what you are doing whether you want to believe it or not—but to press on with the work He has given us. If I am busy in the kingdom, how will I have time to mope about people trying to help me improve myself? Even if they do it in a ham-handed fashion, at least they care enough to try. If the method is particularly strong, perhaps we need to take a really good look at ourselves and figure out why they did it that way. More than once I have found myself recognizing a need for change because someone cared enough to say something about it.
God's organization is perfect. Unfortunately, it is filled with flawed people. I dare anyone to find any organization that is filled with perfect people. It simply doesn’t exist. The Lord's body is the closest group you will get. The best friends I have are every one of them Christians. The best people in the world are in Christ's church. As I said, we have had some hard and hurtful things in our lives, but we are careful what we say about them—you notice I have not mentioned any names or places here--and we never mention them to people we are trying to convert to the Lord. My feelings are never more important than I a soul I am trying to save.
This is why I endure all things for the elect: so that they also may obtain salvation, which is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory (2Tim 2:10).