It was a couple of years before we finally had sparrows at our bird feeder.  For some reason, it took them the longest to find us.  But which variety?  I never realized there were so many until I tried to look these little guys up in my bird book.  One afternoon, a sparrow perched on the window ledge right beside me and I looked down on his tiny red-brown cap.  Aha!  He was a chipping sparrow.
 
           You know what else I noticed?  He always has friends with him.  What started out as two or three, by the third or fourth day had become a dozen, and the next Saturday afternoon I counted 21 on my five foot long feeder. 

            On our last camping trip, we threw some biscuit crumbs onto the grass outside the edge of our graveled state park campsite simply because I had heard a dove out there one morning and Keith was hoping to lure him out into the open.  I grabbed the binoculars—even though I sat only fifteen feet from that grassy spot—and saw a sparrow.  No, wait!  Not one but two, no--three, no--half a dozen.  Keith said, “Look at all those sparrows!” and I answered what I had come to know over the months, “You never see just one sparrow.”

            This, of course, made me think.  Cardinals?  Yes there were always more than one, usually a pair, and when they raise a family nearby they bring them to eat too.  They are a bit territorial, though, and will sometimes fly at other birds to knock them away from the food.  No one else is supposed to enjoy this privilege.

            Titmice?  Yes, they come in pairs too.  But when other birds arrive, they often sit off in the azalea bushes scolding them with a tiny, high-pitched screech.  Even when I go out to add more seed, though the others fly away, the titmice will sit and fuss at me.  I keep telling them, “I am giving you a free and easy meal.  Be patient!”  But scolding seems to be their nature.  Nothing anyone else does suits them.

            And the catbird?  He always comes alone.  He pecks the suet and flies away as fast as he can.  He is the biggest bird to visit my feeder, but he acts like he is afraid of them all.  He never interacts with anyone.  He is there and gone, almost before your eyes can focus on him.  I wonder how he gets any nourishment at all.

            But the sparrows? They are not afraid to sit close together and stay long.  None of the bigger birds can scare them off.  In fact, the doves, which run up and down the feeder, literally “running” birds off more than feeding themselves, cannot run off those sparrows.  I saw a dove try to run at a sparrow one day, and the sparrow just sat there, minding his own “eating” business, until the dove at the last minute had to hop over him to avoid the collision.  Meanwhile, there are more and more sparrows coming, and my birdseed bill is growing faster than my grocery budget.

            Can we learn anything from all these birds?  You can probably see these lessons as easily as I can.  Christians are grateful for what they have and enjoy feasting on the word of God.  They enjoy each other too.  They don’t have time to criticize because they are too busy with the business at hand.  And most of all, they want to share. 

            There should never be just one Christian.
 
So the woman left her waterpot, and went away into the city, and said to the people,  Come, see a man, who told me all things that ever I did: can this be the Christ?  They went out of the city, and were coming to him. And from that city many of the Samaritans believed on him because of the word of the woman who testified, John 4:28-30,39.
 
Dene Ward
 

On the date above, the Associated Press ran a story about "half-naked natators" on the municipal beaches of New York City who were being fined ($1.00) for showing up topless.  "The city fathers insist on complete bathing suits—tops and trunks, or one-piece suits combining both."
              Yes, we are talking about men here.  Before then, public morals insisted that men not go shirtless. "Are you kidding?" some of you are probably thinking, but, as a preacher friend likes to say, "Here's the deal."  Just because society's sense of modesty has changed does not mean God's has.  We point to articles like this and use them to justify some of the most immodest clothing ever worn in any society through the ages.  And why?  Because we do not want to be different, that's why.  Folks, being different is what being a Christian is all about.  It is all over the pages of the New Testament.  If you can't stand to be pointed at and derided because you refuse to act like the rest of the world, then you are not up to the task of being a Christian.
              Granted, some of us have been raised to see certain things as "normal."  Do you realize how many things a missionary has to "unteach" in a pagan society where they are accepted as "normal?"  We are just acting like pagans when we allow our society to define our morality.  It is high time we re-examined our behavior, and in this morning's post, our clothing. 
              Do you realize that European women (I read in a newspaper article) view American women as "dressed like prostitutes?"  I wish I still had that article so you would know I am not making this up.  What we like to call "immodesty" is probably better defined as lasciviousness—that which arouses lust.  Here is where fathers fail to teach and mothers fail to accept their views.  Men know exactly what other men are thinking—especially men who are not even trying to be godly.  And what do men like to look at?
              Cleavage, short shorts, any kind of swimsuit (or anything that shows an entire length of leg or even just most of one), spaghetti straps, work-out clothes, tight jeans and skirts, strapless and backless clothes, bare midriffs (and a belly chain is a special turn-on), and any item that blatantly draws attention to certain parts of the body.  Yes, immodesty is often a heart issue.  A woman who dresses with "the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Pet 3:4) will seldom dress immodestly.  However, immodesty can also be a matter of ignorance.  Just as those pagans who thought polygamy was "normal" needed to be shown otherwise, some women think certain types of dress are normal because that is what everyone else wears.  Sometimes practicality simply demands some sort of list!
              That list above can be found in any article or book on the subject, even ones not written by Christians.  Ungodly people know what is and is not immodest.  For some reason, the list doesn't change no matter what the date of copyright.  In fact, it is the same list I saw as a teenager, oh, so many, many years ago.  So what was that about "things have changed?"  What incites lust does not change.
              "So what can I wear?" you ask pitifully.  A lot.  I haven't had a bit of trouble finding things to wear.  Neither has my daughter-in-law or my seven nieces.  There are even companies that make "modest swimwear."  Enough Christians of one stripe or another have asked for it and it is now available, if you will bother to look it up.  I did not have such a luxury and I truly looked weird in my swimming get-up, which was made up of various items of regular, modest clothing that covered me from neck to knee and was not transparent, even when it got wet.
              Another problem:  parents, please think about the extracurricular activities you involve your children in, both boys and girls, and the kind of clothing that activity usually demands.  Why would you allow your child to come to love, and even build his or her identity in something that sooner or later you will have to forbid?  Could you be any crueler?  I have reached the point that, though I enjoy gymnastics, I will no longer watch it now that half of every young female gymnast's behind is on display.  I probably should have turned it off sooner. 
              Every year that passes I see us accepting things that we should not, things we should avoid and teach our children to avoid, not excuse as "normal because everyone does it."  I remember conversations with my mother about that very thing.  "What everyone does is probably the best reason for you not to do it," she said, and she was absolutely right.
              Go look in your closets, sisters.  Look in your daughter's closet.  She will not understand when you suddenly forbid her to wear some things.  You will never be able to make her understand, probably, until she marries, and even then some women refuse to get it.  Why, their good man could not possibly have a problem with these things.  Yes, he can, and you are making it harder on him when you won't accept the facts of biology.
              We all have a responsibility to the people around us.  If we cause lust, we are "causing our brother to stumble (SIN)," and yes, it is too, our problem, not just his, because God will hold us accountable.
 
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.  For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves… (1Pet 3:3-5)
 
Dene Ward

Due to my congenital eye problems, I grew up reading in my room instead of playing outside with the other kids.  That may sound odd—reading when one has an eye problem—but, you see, reading was safe.  As long as I had my coke bottle glasses I could sink back into my imagination and see the world.  Whenever I tried to play with the other children, I always tripped over something I did not see, fell and skinned my knees, or got hit in the face with whatever ball we were playing with at the time because I could not see it coming, sometimes breaking those expensive glasses. 

            Then I married a man, and had two boys.  Here I was with a house full of men and had absolutely no experience either playing sports or watching them.  Well—I tried to watch football once when I was about 10.  It looked to me like two bunches of men who every minute or so ran into each other and fell down.  I did enough of that myself, and could not see the attraction at all.

            But I wanted a close relationship with my family, so I started sitting with them on Saturday afternoons, watching what they watched—football and basketball.  Although I still do not have any idea what a “pick and roll” is, or why in the world they call a guy a tackle and then forbid him to do exactly that, I can now identify a naked bootleg and tell when a charge is not a charge, but a blocking foul.  The boys got a big kick out of teaching these things to Mom.

            I went to that trouble because I cared about my family relationships.  Do I care for my neighbors as well? Or have I bought into the egocentric American notion that the world should operate on my schedule and according to my desires, and no one else has any legitimate problems, or any other rationale for what they do other than to aggravate me and get in my way? 

         Will I ask the man next door about his golf game, while studiously avoiding the old joke about golf being “a good walk ruined?”  When I meet the lady across the street at the mailbox, will I ask to see her latest crocheted creation, even though I don’t know the name of a single stitch, and can barely sew a straight line on a machine?  If I want to develop the kind of relationships that will become closer and deeper, and perhaps eventually lead them to the Lord, I hope I will.  These things may seem insignificant, but they pave the way for things that are anything but.

            What lives will you and I try to touch today?
 
For though I was free from all men, I brought myself under bondage to all, that I might gain the more.  And to the Jews I became as a Jew that I might gain Jews; to them that were under the law, as under the law, not being myself under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law; to them that are without law as without law, not being without law to God but under law to Christ. To the weak I became weak, that I might gain the weak.  I have become all things to all men that I may by all means save some.  And I do all things for the gospel’s sake, that I might be a joint partaker thereof.  1 Cor 9:19-23
 
Dene Ward

I know this discussion has been around for years on Facebook and probably for a couple of millennia in the hearts of those who try to excuse their behavior.  But I do not think I have ever heard it discussed this way.

              All of you have dealt with people who try to justify themselves with a statement that begins, "But God wouldn't want…"  What exactly?  Me to be unhappy, me to live alone, me to deny who I really am, et cetera ad nauseam. All of the things they are trying to excuse are plainly condemned in the scriptures.  Usually we fall into their trap and wind up saying, "Yes, God does want you to be unhappy," and even though we have a qualifying statement after that—like, if it means you can't go to Heaven otherwise—no one will listen because of our culture's blind acceptance of anything that rouses warm, fuzzy emotions.  So let's just examine those first four words and leave the rest out.

              "But God wouldn't want…"  When someone says that, the red flags should start waving in your mind.  What exactly are they doing?  Presuming to speak for God, that's what.  Presuming to know exactly how God does and does not feel, what He does and does not want.  False prophets did this when they said they were speaking for God. 

              And the LORD said to me: “The prophets are prophesying lies in my name. I did not send them, nor did I command them or speak to them. They are prophesying to you a lying vision, worthless divination, and the deceit of their own minds. Therefore thus says the LORD concerning the prophets who prophesy in my name although I did not send them, and who say, ‘Sword and famine shall not come upon this land’: By sword and famine those prophets shall be consumed. (Jer 14:14-15)

              Presuming what God would say or do about something and then telling others in his name is presumption.  Presumptuous people did not fare well under the Law.

              The man who acts presumptuously by not obeying the priest who stands to minister there before the LORD your God, or the judge, that man shall die. So you shall purge the evil from Israel. (Deut 17:12)

              But the prophet, that shall speak a word presumptuously in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak…that same prophet shall die. (Deut 18:20)

              God does not take it kindly when we take His role, uttering pronouncements as if we were God Himself.  In fact, there is a word for that sort of behavior—blasphemy.  Think of that the next time you want to do something that He has plainly said he does not approve of, yet you utter those presumptuous words:  "God wouldn't want…"
 
…the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment, especially those who follow the polluting desires of the flesh and despise authority. Bold, arrogant people! They do not tremble when they blaspheme the glorious ones. (2Pet 2:9-10)
 
Dene Ward

Every morning we have a special routine.  Even Chloe loves the routine. 

              She hears us moving around in the kitchen and her ears perk up under the porch.  I know because as soon as the door opens, she is out of there in a bound, up the steps, tail wagging and ears pointed to the heavens.  Her people are coming out to be with her, I am sure she thinks.  To be truthful we do enjoy our time with her too, tossing treats and watching her scamper around to find them like a fuzzy red-headed vacuum cleaner.  But the real draw is that final cup of coffee—the lazy cup, where we sit and talk and watch the morning break around us, sunbeams filtering through the eastern woods, birds fluttering around the feeders, and hawks screaming overhead.  Sometimes we are treated to a few deer creeping out of the woods, a fox snuffling through the scraps we throw over the fence, and once, a flock of eleven wild turkeys who decided all of sudden that maybe they should fly after all.  What an amazing sight that was!

              We especially love the cooler mornings of fall, winter, and spring, when we can build a fire to warm our toes while the coffee warms our innards.  The fires are growing smaller these days as time marches inexorably on and summer approaches.  Trust me, no one wants a fire in Florida after the first of May!

              One day this past winter, after Keith had gone on to an appointment in town, I picked up a small chunk of wood and threw it on for just a few more minutes of "lazy time."  I should have known from its light weight that the wood was nearly rotten.  It turned out to be not only damp, but totally saturated as well.  When I threw it on a perfectly good fire that gave off a hot and steady flame, immediately the blaze dimmed and smoke began pouring out of the wood like a thick, gray, wool blanket.  The flame gamely burned on, doing its best to keep up and catch the old log, trying to bring it to the same level of blaze.  After five minutes I knew it was a lost cause, so I grabbed the poker stick and rolled the rotten piece off the fire.  Immediately the flame increased in size, strength, and heat.  Once again my toes were warm, and the smoke had dissipated.

              And that made me wonder about me.  I am no longer a young woman.  In log terms, I am just about as old as that piece I had thrown on the fire.  So how do I affect the young Christians around me?  Am I so wet and rotten with age that all I do is dampen their enthusiasm, sending up clouds of "smoke" as I complain about their ways, about the changes in things I have grown so comfortable with that they have taken on the feel of "law" to this tradition-bound mind of mine?  And much more startling to consider, if someone rolled me off the fire and tossed me to the side, would the church be better off?

              Do I keep them from accomplishing the mission I once worked so hard for simply because they don't do it "my way" anymore?  Do I keep the light from reaching others just because I don't like the new lamps that have been chosen? 

            I can still work as an individual, using the methods and materials I am comfortable with on a personal level.  No one has any business telling an old log she doesn't matter to the Lord any more.  But surely I can avoid putting out the fire in the hearts of the next generation; surely I can encourage them as they take over the majority of the work now, cheering them on instead of stifling their enthusiasm.  This old hoary head only deserves their respect when it helps instead of hinders.
 
And there was one Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher (she was of a great age, having lived with a husband seven years from her virginity, and she had been a widow even unto fourscore and four years), who departed not from the temple, worshipping with fastings and supplications night and day .And coming up at that very hour she gave thanks unto God, and spoke of him to all them that were looking for the redemption of Jerusalem. (Luke 2:36-38)
 
Dene Ward

I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. I got my first really nasty comment on the blog a few weeks ago.  I know, despite the obviously made up name, that this was not a Christian in any sense of the word.  A Christian would never have used the language he did.  I answered him politely via the email address I had access to, apologizing for his misunderstanding, inviting him to visit again, and have not heard word one back.  I can't help but wonder how surprised he was when he heard from me, and even more when my reaction was probably the last thing expected.
 
             I understand that this type of thing is called “trolling.”  Someone who has nothing better to do with his life goes combing through blogs and websites and does his best to create a controversy with a quick jab, then sits back to see “what he hath wrought.”  In this case nothing.  One reply by a reader showed his comment to be, not only vulgar, but completely ridiculous.  I did not say what he said I did, and no one else took it that way either.  And you know what?  Solomon’s proverb is shown to be true yet again, “There is nothing new under the sun.”

              The church had trollers to deal with in the first century.  Acts 13,14,15,17, and 21, Rom 16, Gal 1 and 2, several chapters in Timothy, and most of John’s epistles show their sinister attempts to cause controversy and divide the church.  They even followed Paul around from place to place, “poisoning their minds against the brothers” Acts 14:2; “subverting souls” 15:24; “agitating and stirring up” 17:13; “creating obstacles contrary to the doctrine” Rom 16:17; and “distorting the gospel” Gal 1:7.

              And we still have trollers today—people who go from house to house spreading dissatisfaction, who stand in the parking lots campaigning against the leadership of the church, who even have websites devoted to dispensing discontent with spurious arguments and unsubstantiated accusations, usually about their own pet concerns.  And who are the victims?  “The naïve,” Romans 16 tells us, usually those who are young and easily swayed by a handsome fellow who seems far more “with it” than the stodgy old nay-sayers. 

              And how does that passage describe these trollers?  They are “puffed up with conceit,” gathering to themselves a rah-rah club to satisfy their egos.  They “understand nothing” while at the same time claiming to be more enlightened than anyone else.  They have an “unhealthy craving for controversy,” unhealthy for those whose hearts are deceived, unhealthy for the body of Christ, and certainly unhealthy for their own souls.

              Trolling—no, it’s not new, and neither is this:  God hates it every bit as much now as He did two thousand years ago.
 
But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned. Titus 3:9-11.
 
Dene Ward

Several years ago, a prominent female politician angered many American women when she answered a reporter about her choice of career over homemaking by saying, “Well I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies.”  Most of us read a sneer in her tone and, as I remember it, her office was inundated with homemade cookies baked and sent by outraged homemakers.
 
             One of the things I decided to do as a homemaker was to keep a cookie jar filled with homemade cookies, and for the most part I have.  Chewy oatmeal raisin, spicy gingersnaps, crumbly peanut butter, sparkly snickerdoodles, decadent triple chocolate, wonderful almond crunch cookies that always surprise people and steal the show, and all those variations of the All-American chocolate chip:  Toll House, Neimann Marcus, peanut butter chocolate chip, double chocolate chip, oatmeal chocolate chip, and death by chocolate chocolate chip.  My boys would come home from their friends’ houses talking about how deprived they were—all they had were Oreos.

               My younger son Nathan was especially fond of cookies.  As a toddler, he would pull up a chair to stand in so he could “help” me make cookies—help that usually involved tasting the dough to make sure it was good, and then “cleaning” the beaters.  When he was in high school, I bought him a shirt that said, Life’s Greatest Questions:  Who Am I?  Where Did I Come From?  Why Am I Here?  WHERE ARE THE COOKIES? 

              Eventually that chubby, tow-headed, blue-eyed cherub became a long, lean man who went off to college.  The first time he came home he brought a friend with him.  He immediately led the buddy to the counter where the cookie jar always sat.  “See?  I told you there would be cookies.”  Until he married I would bake cookies and save a dozen each week in a freezer bag until I had 4 or 5 kinds, then mail them to him and start all over.  This was one serious cookie connoisseur.  I am not sure what else made an impression on him, but I know he will remember that I loved him enough to make cookies for him.

               I am reminded of David after his small army defeated the Amalekites.  Not all of his men were as righteous as he.  Several “wicked men and base fellows” did not want to share the spoils with the men who had stayed at camp, guarding their belongings.  David said, You shall not do so, my brothers, with that which Jehovah has given us…the share of him who goes down to the battle shall be the same as he who tarried by the baggage; they shall share alike, and it was from that day forward a statute and ordinance in Israel.  1 Sam 30:23-25.  David understood the value of those who did the behind-the-scenes work, the jobs others considered less important, and which seldom received glory or recognition. 

              Think about Dorcas.  Stephen, the deacon and great preacher, had been killed not long before. James the apostle, a cousin of Jesus himself, would be next.  But who did Peter raise from the dead?  Not the powerful speakers who performed miracles, but a widow who made clothes for the poor, Acts 9:36-42.  Surely God was saying that what we consider small and unimportant tasks are actually some of the greatest of all.

               Never underestimate the importance of “baking cookies.”
 
For whosoever shall give you a cup of water to drink because you are Christ’s, truly I say to you, he shall not lose his reward, Mark 9:41.
 
Dene Ward

Keith was counting out pennies the other day and suddenly he called me to the table. 

"Have you seen these?" he asked, and lying there were four fairly new pennies with different images on them than we had grown up with.  One had a log cabin.  Another had a young rail splitter, taking a rest to read a book.  A third had Lincoln standing in front of the state capitol in Springfield, Illinois, and the fourth the US Capitol.

We wondered if they were real, so I looked it up and yes, indeed, they are real, minted in 2009 to celebrate the 200th birthday of Abraham Lincoln on February 12, 2009.  The four images show the various stages of his life, from childhood to the presidency.  Then I found another article about a new Lincoln penny minted the next year, a union shield with a draped scroll to celebrate Lincoln as the preserver of the Union.

But tell me this, when was the last time you even looked at a penny?  Most of us don't even pay with them anymore.  We hand the cashier a bill and take the change, and maybe that change gets thrown on the dresser or in a jar, and maybe every year or so you throw them in a change machine and replace them with bills again.  While I would not want anyone to do away with pennies—everything rounded up to the next nickel could get expensive, and don't for a minute believe that a merchant is going to round down—I really don't find much use for them.

A favorite tactic of the atheist is to talk about the little blue dot, which is what they call Earth, a mere "penny" in the vastness of outer space. 

"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
“The significance of our lives and our fragile planet is then determined only by our own wisdom and courage. We are the custodians of life's meaning. We long for a Parent to care for us, to forgive us our errors, to save us from our childish mistakes. But knowledge is preferable to ignorance. Better by far to embrace the hard truth than a reassuring fable."  Carl Sagan, A Pale Blue Dot:  A Vision of the Human Future in Space.

The atheist believes that since this earth is such a tiny spot in this immense universe that we don't count for anything.  How, he asks, can a Deity, if there is a one, even take notice of us when there is so much more out there?  Really, he says, we need to grow up and stop believing myths.

I am here to tell you, that you may be just a penny on a pale blue dot, but God does care about you.  He does know what is going on in your life, the sorrows, the pain, the misfortunes, and the joys as well.  If you can tear yourself away from their fables long enough to examine the evidence around us and in the Word, you will see the proof of our importance to him in his constant dealings with man through the centuries, and the sacrifices he made to save us.  Why would he have done that if he didn't care, if you didn't matter, if he had so much more on his mind than this pale blue dot? 

The fact is the atheist cannot conceive of a God so much larger than himself, so much more compassionate, so much mightier and awesome.  When all you rely on is your puny little human mind you are kind of stuck that way.  Evidences and apologetics may never convince the skeptic, but you are not one of them or you wouldn't even be bothering with this tiny little blog in a huge cyberspace. 

When you open your mind and your heart to a revealed Word, and a Savior who knows exactly what living on this pale blue dot is all about, you can accept the infinite possibilities a whole lot easier.  And you can be sure that God looks at even his seemingly worthless pennies, and does so constantly.  You matter to him.

Think about that the next time you pull out a pocketful of change.
 
For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him. (2Chr 16:9)

“For his eyes are on the ways of a man, and he sees all his steps. (Job 34:21)

Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love, (Ps 33:18)

The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry. ​ When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. (Ps 34:15,17)

For a man's ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he ponders all his paths. (Prov 5:21)

And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account. (Heb 4:13)

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. (1Pet 3:12)

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1Pet 5:6-7)
 
Dene Ward

Part 2 in a continuing series by guest writer Keith Ward, appearing on the final Monday of the month.  For Part 1, scroll down to December 31, 2018.
 
I have always known these principles: I memorized Ephesians for Homer Hailey's "Scheme of Redemption" class; I took Roland Lewis's "Home and Family" class; I preached sermons; I wrote the goals and objectives for the men when our church divided the men and women for family classes; with Dene's assistance, I taught marriage and parenting classes to both the High School and College age classes. So, WHY did I find myself riding my bicycle 13 miles home from work as slowly as possible because I did not know what to say or do about a situation between us?  I did not even know for sure whose fault it was or how to proceed to find out without creating a bigger problem.  Well, I did manage that, I was so late she worried and came looking for me. So, "Knowledge puffs up."  And, the answers are not always easy and there is a learning curve on applying what you know.

It might help us to note that God never said to the husbands that they are the head.  He said that to the wives.  It seems like a small distinction but the difference it creates in perspective has caused chasms in relationships for hundreds of years.  In fact, that small difference often leads to a domineering attitude in husbands that is foreign to the context of "subjecting [our]selves one to another," and especially to the first command to husbands, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it."

To understand our role as husbands, we men must consider that Christ was head, though he only gave—gave himself up over and over again.  And he did so without complaint or resentment.  First, he gave up his place with and equal with God to become a man.  A fact we treat as a theological argument rather than the tremendous yielding (emptying self) that it was (Phil 2:5-7).  The creator became a creature.  Next, he walked through a world of sin.  Sometimes city people cannot stand the sights and smells of real farm life.  Anyone who has gathered eggs knows they do not come as clean as they do in the grocery store carton.  Imagine the disgust an absolutely holy being would have toward rebellious, self-destructive sin.  And, he walked among and had compassion toward these sinners.  Last, he died and in dying became sin on our behalf (2 Cor 5:21).  At no point did or does this one who is "far above all rule, and authority, and power, and dominion, and every name that is named" in his role as head of the church coerce anyone to do anything (Eph 1:21).  He
wooed his people to him by giving himself up.

When men discuss this, they end the matter with, "I would be willing to die for my wife. Next verse, brother ________."  Whoa!  Back up just a bit—Is dying all that Jesus did for us? 

The Word gave up who he was and became someone else, Jesus, for his bride.   Unscripturally, many men not only do not change when they become husbands, they see no need to change.  Jesus' example leaves no wiggle room at all for the husband about his willingness to change for his wife.  And, remember, Jesus did it before his bride subjected herself and as a motive to lead her to do so.  "That's just not who I am and she knew that when she married me," is not a valid excuse.  A man determined to belong to God must consider the changes he needs to make to be the head of his wife.  Not only may different women have different needs, but the same woman will have changing needs as life progresses.  That means the husband imitating Christ cannot stay the same either.  "But what about my rights as head?"  Go consider: What about Jesus' rights? No man ever had more power than Jesus. Yet, he never used any of it to get his way about anything. Even so ought husbands to act toward their wives.

Since "head" is the way the wife is commanded to treat him and not a license for the husband to boss, he should give himself up by working to develop mutual decisions and plans. He must show consideration for her ideas and her desires by listening to her as equal partners in your life before God. In fact, imitating Christ may require him to give up his desires, his way for hers.

A man may cling to his rights and privileges.  A husband may give up his hobbies, his plans, his buddies, his dreams to demonstrate his love for his bride.  He must not wait until she asks or cries about his neglect; he must wisely consider and use his power to act on her behalf by yielding. When she sees that he loves her so, she will submit joyfully and change into the help suitable for him so that they two become one in heart.

Elkanah gave up his right to overturn Hannah's vow, gave up his son, gave up a bull for a sacrifice (1Sam 1; Num 30:12).  God says that "the husband has not power over his own body, but the wife" (1Cor 7:4).  If a husband cannot be boss over his own body, why would he be boss over his time?  His preferences?  His habits?  His only goal as God's man is to give himself up with purpose to shape her into God's woman.

Approximately half the population is men; many are married, few are husbands.  Are you even on the journey to becoming one?
 
Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. (1Pet 2:18). 

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, (1Pet 3:1).

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (1Pet 3:7).
 
Keith Ward

One morning on a camping trip to Stone Mountain Park in Georgia, we were awakened by acorn shells gently falling from the tree above us onto the taut surface of our tent.  A squirrel had picked that limb overhead as his breakfast counter.  In the early morning gray of pre-dawn it was mildly irritating—this was supposed to be a vacation, after all, sleeping in was part of the deal—but when you choose an outdoor venue for your vacation, you realize that encounters with nature should be expected.

              I was reminded of that trip this morning.  Our home sits under some monstrous live oaks.  They deliver cooling, and budget-saving, shade in the summer, but in the fall, they provide a handy pantry for the local fauna.  We have done our best to shoo those varmints away for the sake of the aviary we have set up around us, both feeders and houses.  That means more acorns remain to fall on our metal roof.

              About six-thirty, when the morning breezes pick up, the barrage began.  I do not know if it is the metal or if our acorns just happen to be heavier or larger than the average acorn, but it did not sound like pieces of shell gently falling from a limb above—it sounded like a bunch of monkeys throwing coconuts as hard as they could just to see what sort of trouble they could cause.  We were up early on a Saturday morning whether we wanted to be or not.

              I have some brethren like that.  Sometimes things need to be said, granted.  Souls are at stake.  The Word of God must be defended.  But do we have to throw coconuts at six AM?  Does a preacher need to be castigated on the church house doorstep in front of visitors from the community and new converts when we disagree with a sermon?  Do we need to waylay a sister at a potluck where, even in the corner of the room, everyone can see what's going on—especially if she runs out the door crying? 

               When we do what has to be done, some acorn pieces will inevitably fall on the tent roof and wake people up—but that's the point, isn't it?  Waking them up, not beating them down.  If time and opportunity are short we may need to take a deep breath and do what needs to be done no matter what others may think, but hurling coconuts as hard as possible just to cause trouble is a far cry from the empathy that does its best to reach another's heart with as little collateral damage as possible.  That is why so many preachers will dare to remind the wayward children at a funeral, "Your mother wants nothing more than to be with you again in Eternity.  Look at yourself and do what you need to do to make that happen."  Most of the time, the mothers have asked those preachers to say just that.  They are not monkeys with coconuts; they are doing their best to be a squirrel with an acorn.

              So today, ask yourself why you do what you do.  Are you really concerned for souls, or do you just want to be the center of controversy, the one who gets to show that sinner what's what?  Are you quietly eating your acorns, or are you just a monkey throwing coconuts as hard as you can?
 
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Gal 6:1-3
 
Dene Ward