This is Part 10 of the Monday series, "Whoso Findeth a Wife."

I’m taking a break by posting only on Mondays until January 6, 2014 at which time regular posting will resume. This is a great opportunity to check out the archives on the right sidebar.

 
Yet you say, Wherefore? Because Jehovah has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion... Malachi 2:14

            The Hebrew word for “companion” in this passage is only used here in the Old Testament, and is feminine.  It makes sense then, that this is a one-of-a-kind companion to the man, which should make them special to each another. 

            The prophet obviously speaks to older men who were “dealing treacherously” with the women they had married young, trading them in on a new model, as we often say nowadays.  They had forgotten the covenant they made when they were younger to be a companion, not just for awhile, but for life.  Men are not the only ones who need this reminder. So you will be delivered from… the adulteress with her smooth words, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; Proverbs 2:16-17.

            Since we cannot look to other uses of the word in scripture, it might be helpful to examine the English word the translators chose.  Originally it derived from “someone to share bread with.”  It speaks of a closeness beyond simple acquaintance.  When people put their feet under the same table, they learn far more about each other than they ever will with a handshake in the foyer.  For a man and woman to share a meal, the assumption is intimacy.  What do you think of a couple you see eating together in a restaurant?  Either they are married or dating.

            The intimacy of a marriage, of course, goes far beyond eating together.  When I see a man whose tie is askew or whose collar is turned up, I tell his wife.  I would never put my hands on another woman’s husband in quite that way.  In the same manner, Keith and I eat off one another’s plates and share drinks, we brush lint off one another, and get in one another’s personal space without a second thought.  The sexual relationship, which we have already discussed (see “Cistern”), is a natural element of male-female companionship and all these small nuances are its natural byproducts.  That is why married people should be careful who they spend the most time with.

            God meant that this companionship begin, ideally, in youth, and continue for a lifetime.  “A man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife…” Gen 2:24.  As he reaches manhood, as she reaches womanhood, they search out a companion, make a covenant together and begin a marriage.  In their “youth,” however a particular culture may define it, they learn together and grow together.  They make plans and share a purpose—together.  These are choices they make, not some overpowering feeling they cannot control.  Choosing to be together and using that time to best effect makes the relationship more and more intimate as the years go by. But just as the myth with children, “quality time” does not happen if a quantity of time is not being spent at it.  Anything that lessens companionship, in both quality and quantity, is a danger to the relationship.

            Dating couples need to be talking about these things early on.  If you cannot agree on life goals, if you do not share priorities, if you become bored in one another’s company, maybe this is not the ideal companion for you.  Stop now before you get in so deep you feel unable to get out.  It will only make the hurt worse to continue in something that will have no good end.  You are talking about a lifetime decision here, one that will affect you as no other will, one that can even determine your eternity.

            It is interesting that Barnes defines “companion” as “another self.”  While some time alone can be re-invigorating to a marriage, it should always leave one with a sense that something is missing.  Couples who make it a habit to be away from one another are lessening that sense of belonging.  “But we’ve grown apart,” some will say to excuse divorce, condemning themselves in the process.  The whole point of the relationship is togetherness.  Do we think this happens by magic?  It is my responsibility to make sure we grow closer together, not further apart.  That does not mean that we must share every single interest, but we should share the things that matter the most.

            When you’ve started out young and made it together through the various trials of life, the relationship grows stronger, deeper, and sweeter.  Knowing there is always someone you can count on, that any little tiff will soon be over and all will be right again, gives you a sense of security that will see you through the toughest times, and that includes the time when this lifetime relationship is broken by death.  To hear my mother say to my father just moments before he died, “Wait for me at the gate.  I’ll be there soon,” was something I will cherish till my time comes to say the same words.  That is what companionship is all about.

            From those first baby steps as a brand new person—“one flesh”—to the maturity of an interdependent couple who have seen the both the best and the worst of each other, who have helped each other, supported each other, lived together, worked together, laughed together and cried together—a married couple should cling to one another and no one else in this relationship, under the loving watch of the Father who designed it.

And God said, It is not good for man to be alone… Gen 2:18.

Dene Ward

This is Part 9 of the Monday series, "Whoso Findeth a Wife."

(I’m taking a break by posting only on Mondays until January 6, 2014 at which time regular posting will resume. This is a great opportunity to check out the archives on the right sidebar.)

Drink waters out of your own cistern, And running waters out of your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, And streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed; And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And be ravished always with her love. Proverbs 5:15-19

            In many ladies’ Bible class books on marriage, especially those written by women, any reference to the sexual relationship is either absent or barely skimmed over.  Obviously, no one is comfortable with this topic, and maybe that is why more and more marriages are falling apart due to adultery.  God had a plan for marriage, and when we neglect any part of that plan, it will not be the perfect plan He created.

            The passage above from Proverbs is not only beautiful, but plainly written and instructive if we do more than read through it quickly with our eyes cast down in embarrassment.

           “Drink waters from your own cistern, and running water out of your own well.”  Yes, there is a possessiveness that is right in a marriage, just as God, who depicted his relationship with his people as a marriage, said, “I am a jealous God.”  I have every right to expect my husband to be mine and mine alone, and he has every right to expect the same from me.  In fact, we each have the right to expect that we were the only ones ever.  “For this is the will of God…that you should abstain from fornication…that no man defraud his brother…” 1 Thes 4:3-6.  When I give myself to another man before marriage, I have defrauded my future husband of what is rightfully his and his alone, and the same holds true for men.  God is an equal opportunity God.

            “Should your springs be dispersed abroad, and streams of water in the streets?  Let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you.”  The physical relationship between a husband and wife is not only intimate, it is private, not for general consumption, and sacred in that privacy.  “Let marriage be held in honor and the marriage bed undefiled,” the Hebrew writer adds in 13:4.  This part of the relationship is too precious to be thrown into the street for just anyone to see or hear about.

            “Let your fountain be blessed…”  The fountain here is a parallelism for the cistern, a deep well hewn out of rock.  In the scriptures “cistern” is symbolic of many things, including a necessity of life in a home (Deut 6:11), a peaceful and comfortable home (2 Kgs 18:31), and a source of life (Isa 51:1).  Those are more than appropriate descriptions in this case where the cistern and fountain symbolize the woman’s body.  If the fountain is “blessed,” a Hebrew word that is often translated “happy,” it becomes obvious that the woman is neither abused nor does she dislike the sexual aspect of marriage.  That is emphasized further when the writer continues, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth.”  This relationship is a joyful one.  When Abimelech looked out his window and saw the “brother and sister” team of Isaac and Rebekah “sporting” (Gen 26:7-9), two things became apparent to him.   First, they were married.  Despite the culture we live in, there are things that a husband and wife do that unmarried couples do not do.  Second, they were both enjoying what was going on.  Ladies, not only does God expect you to enjoy this part of your marriage, it can ruin it for the man you say you love if you do not.

            “…In the wife of your youth,” the writer says.  I found a commentator who said that could correctly be translated, “whom you married in your youth.”  In other words, they are no longer young, but they are still together.  God designed marriage for one man and one woman for one lifetime.  He designed this aspect of marriage the same way.  This couple in Proverbs is no longer young but they are still enjoying the sexual relationship God designed.  Frequency and intensity may change, but the need for intimacy in a marriage never goes away.  If you find yourself married to a man you no longer know, maybe it’s because you amputated part of the relationship a long time ago. 

            “Let her breasts satisfy you at all times.”  This husband, despite his wife’s advancing age, is content with what he has.  We have already spoken about keeping yourself desirable to him as much as possible.  But even as your outer beauty fades, you can keep him happy and content by giving him what he needs and wants, when he needs it and wants it. 

            But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5.

            This passage does not say, “You are mine, I can do with you what I want.”  What it does say is, “I am yours, I will do what you want.”  The obligation is on the giver not the taker.  Too many women do not understand the real need that God has placed in a man’s body.  Testosterone makes him more aggressive, which enhances his desire to protect you.  It also makes him more easily aroused sexually.  When you fill that need, it helps to cement the relationship he has with you and his desire to protect and provide for his family.  If you do not allow him to fulfill that need in this godly manner, not only can you damage the relationship, you may be responsible for causing him to stumble (sin), and God will hold you accountable.  The Hebrew word for cistern (bor) is sometimes used of a dungeon or prison—a deep one.  When a man is locked into a sexless marriage, he is in a very real prison, one where he is tempted almost beyond endurance every day of his life, but unable to get out of it and stay faithful to the God he also made that marriage covenant before.  Yes, God allows for a time of abstinence to “devote yourself to prayer.”  Most of the enforced abstinence I know of happens because she got mad and wanted to punish him, not so she could pray.  Ladies, you are playing with fire when you do this, and you may just get burned—eternally.

            “Be ravished always with her love.”  Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the word translated “ravished” means to be deceived or to go astray.  What? I thought confusedly.  Then I got it.  He is so enraptured, enamored, entranced, and captivated by her that he simply loses his good sense.  Like a man who is intoxicated, he wants no one but her, and she is on his mind day and night.  If you have a man who treats you like that, it can be the most erotic thing in the world.  Most of us are not beautiful in the world’s eyes, nor glamorous, but a man who treats you like you are is all any woman really needs.  Now you give him what he needs.  Don’t make him beg.  Don’t make him miserable. 

            Treat him like the love of your life, the man who provides and protects to the best of his ability and wants nothing more than to be with you and you alone forever.

As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!.. The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice. My beloved speaks and says to me: …Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely…My beloved is mine, and I am his.. Song of Solomon 2:3-6, 8-9, 13-14,16.

Dene Ward

            It was one of those recuperating days I have had so many of the past few years, so I sat in my lounger outside, the early morning autumn breeze ruffling my hair, a sweet little dog snuffling for a pat at my side, looking out over our domain, such as it is.  The east sun was filtering through the woods fifty yards in front of me, not yet high enough to cause me any trouble. 

            I had carried a pair of binoculars to do a little bird-watching, but saw on the northeast corner of the property what looked like a giant orange bloom.  So I lifted those heavy lenses and got a surprise.  The bloom did not really exist.  What I saw was the sun shining on a clump of dried out pine straw hanging on a low, dead limb.  I pulled down the binoculars and looked again.  I much preferred the big orange bloom.

            Then I started looking around and saw some more.  The dull green leaves near the top of the tree glinted like small mirrors in the few rays of sun that had pierced through to them.  Even the gray Spanish moss resembled icicles.  I knew in a few minutes the effect would all be gone.  The sun would have risen high enough not to perform these magic tricks.  Still, it reminded me of something important.

            All by myself I am nothing, I can do nothing, and I have nothing to hope for.  But the light of the gospel changes everything.  Through that light, we are able to see the glory of Christ and believe (2 Cor 4:3-6.)  When we are raised from the waters of baptism, God’s glory gives us the power to walk “in newness of life” (Rom 6:4).  We transform ourselves into the image of His Son by the renewing of our minds (Rom 12:2, 8:29).  When the glory of the Lord shines on us through our submission to his gospel, what looks plain and ordinary becomes beautiful, what looks dead and repulsive becomes glorious.  That’s us we’re talking about—you and me.  We can be beautiful.

            Look at your life today.  Would someone see a beautiful bloom, a sparkling mirror, a glittering icicle?  They only will if you have allowed that light inside you, if you have let it have its way, transforming you into the person God meant you to be from the beginning.  Some will not do this.  They fight it, and offer excuses of all sorts.  “I’m only human after all.”  “No one is perfect.”  “Someone has to have common sense around here and not be such an innocent babe!” “It’s my right after all.”  None of those will give anyone a beautiful view of a child of God.

            Peter reminds us, As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy." 1 Peter 1:14-16.  If we are not submissive to his will, we will never be transformed to his image.  We will look like nothing but dried out pine straw on a dead limb, and all the excuses in the world will never change it. 

            “What would Jesus do?” may be an old denominational catch-phrase, but is it any different than, “Be ye holy as I am holy?”  God desires nothing more than for us to be exactly like Christ, “conformed to the image of his son” Rom 8:29, “that you might follow in his steps” 1 Pet 2:21.  If you find yourself looking through the world’s binoculars and seeing nothing but your old self, the light of the gospel has not reached your heart.

            Conform yourself today.  In every aspect of your life, in every action you take, and every word you speak, “be ye holy in all your conduct.”  You can do it, or God wouldn’t have asked it of you.

But we all, with unveiled face reflecting as a mirror the glory of the Lord, are transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as from the Lord the Spirit. 2 Cor 3:18.

Dene Ward

            This time of year I usually try to make a batch of chocolate fudge.  I say “try” because I usually fail.  Peanut butter fudge I have down.  19 out of 20 times it will turn out right, but not the chocolate variety. I am talking about real fudge, not the newer recipes that add things like marshmallow crème, and wind up changing the texture just so it won’t flop on you.  If it shines, it isn’t fudge; if it’s soft, it isn’t fudge; if it’s grainy, it isn’t fudge; if it must be kept refrigerated, it isn’t fudge.  Real fudge is matte to the eye, firm to the touch, creamy in your mouth, and sits just fine on the countertop without changing consistency. 

            So a couple of years ago I found a recipe for foolproof fudge in a cooking magazine that I ordinarily trust implicitly.  I made their recipe, and indeed it did just fine, but it was shiny, it was soft, it had to be stored in the fridge.  It wasn’t fudge, and I was disappointed beyond measure.  However, in the article accompanying the recipe, the author stated that fudge is a tricky thing.  If the temperature and humidity are not just right, if your ingredients have sucked up too much moisture from the kitchen atmosphere any time recently, if your candy thermometer is just a degree or two off, your fudge will not “fudge.”  He went on to say that even seasoned professionals feel frustrated when trying to make this unreasonably difficult recipe.  While I am sorry those folks feel that way, it certainly made me feel a lot better.  It helped explain my 1 in 10 record of success over the years.

            Aren’t we glad salvation is not so difficult?  Just follow a few simple directions and suddenly you have a relationship that will help you in the trials of this life, and lead you to the joys of the next, the sweetest of treats anyone could possibly enjoy.  Why is it that some people feel so obligated to make it more difficult?

            My brother-in-law was nearly run out of a church on a rail once because, using the Philippian jailor of Acts 16 as an example, he dared to say that there really is not all that much we have to know before we submit to baptism.  Oh no, he was told, we must know all about the plan of God through the ages, about the true nature of the first century church, about the false teachings on salvation and how to combat them, about the “correct” definitions of faith, baptism, and grace, among other things.

            Just what was it Philip asked that Ethiopian proselyte when he wanted to be baptized?  If you believe with all your heart, you may, and he said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, Acts 8:37.  Funny that Philip never gave him a list of things to memorize and recite before he was allowed in the water.  Isn’t it wonderful—and amazing!—that our Lord will accept our obedient faith the moment we realize our need for Him?

            Yes, there are many things we must all learn.  All these years after my baptism there are still many more.  That’s what the rest of your life is for; that’s why Peter said to grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, 2 Pet 3:18.   We never finish that part.  Maybe the problem is, we make this arbitrary list and think once we know it, we are finished.  Just who made the list in the first place, if God didn’t?

            One of Satan’s most powerful tools is frustration and hopelessness.  Let’s not help him do his work by making salvation so difficult that people give up before they even get the chance to start.

And [the jailor] called for lights and sprang in, and trembling for fear, fell down before Paul and Silas and brought them out and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved?  And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus and you shall be saved, you and your house; and they spoke the word of the Lord unto him with all that were in his house, and he took them the same hour of the night and washed their stripes and was baptized, he and all his immediately, Acts 16:29-33.

Dene Ward   

Today's post is by guest writer Lucas Ward.

I recently taught a Bible class that in turn taught me something very important.    
My view of the David and Bathsheba story, the class in question, is that it is a cautionary tale against hubris and that it shows that even forgiven, sins can have many earthly consequences. I always try to keep in mind that these are real people with real motivations and emotions. People who live in a different culture than mine, with a different viewpoint that sometimes makes it hard for me to understand, but people. Thinking along those lines about David, I find it hard to believe this was an isolated incident where his passions got out of control. If seeing a beautiful, naked young woman aroused him, then he had many--many!!--legitimate ways to deal with that. His wives and concubines that we know of number in the high teens. He was also cold blooded enough about the whole incident to make sure that Bathsheba was clean according to the law. It seems that if she wasn't clean, David would have waited for her. So this wasn't one moment of passion, but the culmination of years of legitimately having his way.

He was king, and as such was accorded certain privileges. He wanted security for his people, the earthly nation of God, and he went out and took it at the edge of the sword. He wanted a new capital city, and took it.  I wonder if he wasn't arrogant about being David, King of the Hebrews, scourge of the land of Canaan. Then he saw a woman he wanted, and took her, despite the fact that she was the wife of another. So, the story can be taken as a warning against hubris.

Then chapter 12 (2 Samuel) lists the consequences of David's acts, records David's repentance, and declares God's forgiveness of David's sins. Yet though forgiven, David had to face the multiple consequences the rest of his life. That teaches us that our sins, too, can have major, long lasting consequences, regardless of God's forgiveness. This gives us extra incentive to remain pure before God.  None of us want to face anything like the last 20 years of David's life. So that was my view of the point of the David and Bathsheba story.

Then a woman I respect said she agreed with most of what I thought, especially about the consequences of sin, but denied that it was the major point of the story. She sees the major point as being the wonderful grace of God and his extraordinary forgiveness. To her it is a story showing that, no matter how far one falls from God, he will accept you back if you show "a broken and contrite heart." (Psalm 51). David made some major mistakes, and was far from God at the end of chapter 11, but with the strong rebuke of Nathan he came to himself and returned to Jehovah, acknowledging his sin and repenting. God forgave him, he remained king, and spent most of the rest of his life preparing for the temple and the national worship of Jehovah. This paints the picture of God's redeeming grace. 

My father made the point in my class that you can see from David's writing in the 51st Psalm the surprising depth of his spiritual understanding. Almost every sin had a specific sacrifice that had to be performed for the forgiveness of that sin under the old Law, but adultery was punished by death. So was murder. There was no sacrifice for the forgiveness of these sins. God had forgiven David. So there had to be more to forgiveness than just animal sacrifices. This incident forced David to understand something spiritually that many of us still fail at today. There is nothing we can do to win forgiveness. It is the gift of God. What he requires is the "broken and contrite heart." I don't know that this is the major point of this incident to Dad, but it is something he saw that I didn't. Sometimes our biggest failures cause us to grow in the biggest ways.

It is interesting to me that three people looked at the same incident recorded in scripture and learned three different lessons from it. All of the lessons are valid and supported by the scriptures. We each came at the same material from different starting points of personal experience, personal Bible knowledge and different points of spiritual growth. While we may good-naturedly argue about which is the "main" point, I doubt that there would be much disagreement between us that all of these points are valid and can help others to grow. 

Wow, someone can read the same passage I did and come to a different conclusion than I did and it not be wrong? I wonder what other issues of greater import this might be true of?  Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to condemn my brethren.  Maybe I should try to view them through love instead of the narrow lens of immediate judgment.

Lucas Ward

            No, that title is not a typo.  Well, it is actually—a typo on purpose.  That is what happens when you try to type “One Key Off” with your hands exactly one key off from the correct starting position.  Even when you make the right moves with the correct hands you get something that makes no sense, that isn’t even pronounceable.

             How many times do we do that with the Bible?  We start studying in the middle of things, with the most difficult things, with things that do not even apply to our lives.  What do we get?  A big mess. 

            If one fundamental fact is wrong, you create a long line of false doctrine.  Calvinism, anyone?

            If one step in logic is left out, you find yourself believing something so ridiculous, you may eventually lose your faith altogether when you come to your senses, or worse, actually come to believe it so emphatically that you take others down the drain with you.  How else do some of these strange cults get their start?

            If you get bogged down in things far removed from what you really need to get through life, how will you ever grow?

            Isn’t it odd that simply being one key away can make such a huge difference?  Be careful where you put your time studying the scriptures.  Match one passage with another.  Anytime your interpretation of something does not jive with another scripture, my guess is that you are at least one key off, maybe more. 

            Start with the simple, start with what you need to believe to be in Christ.  Then move to what you need to live your life every day.  Worry about Revelation and Zechariah a little further down the road.  Find someone you can trust to help you.  Elders come to mind, and good Bible class teachers.  But whatever you do, be careful where you put your faith.  One step away from the truth is not a good place to be.

Hold the pattern of sound words which you heard from me, in faith and love which is in Jesus Christ.  2 Tim 1;13.   

Dene Ward

This is Part 8 of the Monday series, "Whoso Findeth a Wife."

            Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7.

            The concept of “vessel” as figurative of bodies, lives, even nations, has been well established since Old Testament times (1 Sam 21:4,5; Psalm 11:12; Isa 65:4; Jer 18).  The figure is continued in the New Testament in passages such as Acts 9:15; 2 Cor 4:7; Rom 9:19ff; 2 Tim 2:20,21, as well as the passage above.  In both the Hebrew and Greek the word literally means “utensil” or “instrument.”  In the Peter passage the word “woman” is actually mistranslated as a noun when it should be an adjective: …giving honor unto the womanly vessel…” as opposed to the manly.  In other words, the man is an instrument too, and both man and woman are instruments of God, not one of the other, joint-heirs of the grace of life.

            I read an article once using the metaphor of crystal goblets and Mason jars.  Which is the weaker (more fragile) vessel?  Yet which one is treated with the most honor (care, protection)?  In many societies the men have used their greater strength to take advantage of the women, using them as workhorses, and ignoring their needs.  When I was younger I heard a man say, “In my day, women used to have babies and go out and work in the field the next day.”  My husband replied, “And a lot more of them died young too.”  It has only been in modern civilization that the average lifespan of women has surpassed that of men. A good many of the laws that seem slanted against women in the Old Testament, were actually given for their protection.  The scriptures teach that men are not to take advantage of women just because of their greater physical strength but to give them the honor and care of a fragile, crystal goblet.

           Some have a problem with the word “weaker.”  The word does not mean “weak.”  It is a word of comparison.  It means “less strong,” and it certainly does not apply to intellect or emotion.  As we recently discovered, the woman of Proverbs 31 possesses the strength to handle life’s problems instead of being another emotional burden on her husband.  A man wants a woman who can keep her head in a crisis, bear disappointment with a smile, and take heartbreak without a complete collapse.  And yes, it is right for him to want a woman who can and will work alongside him without complaining.

            I have dug ditches in a monsoon next to my husband to keep our house from washing away.  But he sent me in after the worst was done, to rest and dry off while he “just finished up,” another hour’s work.  There are times when things must be done and one has to muster up as much physical strength as possible, but the strongest man is still stronger than the strongest woman.  Until all athletic contests are no longer gender specific and the women are regularly winning, there is no denying that men are physically stronger.

            The media consistently presents the man of the family as a buffoon, a bumbling idiot who must always be saved from himself by his far more intelligent, cultured, sensible wife.  Do you think I haven’t heard Christian women talk about their men in exactly the same way?

            God designed the man to be the provider and protector, 1 Tim 5:8; Gen 3:17-19, even to giving his life for his wife if necessary, Eph 5:25.  Let him use what God put in him!  Nowadays we are so civilized that there is seldom any substantive need for real protection—no wild animals, no angry natives, no longer any dramatic way to prove himself.  Then, to make it worse, we steal our husbands’ self-esteem by complaining about the standard of living he has provided, laughing at his attempts to buy us gifts, and insulting his careful planning for our financial security.  If you don’t think you are being treated with the honor you deserve, maybe it’s because you have not let him honor you in the only ways he knows how, the ways God programmed into him.

            It is up to you to let your husband be the head of the house.  Eph 5:22 never tells the husband to put his wife into subjection.  In the same way, he cannot “nourish and cherish” you (literally “feed and warm”) if you do not let him (Eph 5:29).  God used marriage as a pattern for his relationship with His people.  He had a problem when his “wife” went to someone besides Him for her needs and her protection, and when she insisted that she could take care of herself without Him, Hos 2:5-13.  What makes us think a man will feel any differently when we act like we don’t need him?

But if any provide not for his own, and specially his own household, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8.

Dene Ward

            Sooner or later it will rain, especially when you choose a season and place so popular you must reserve your spot months in advance and, thus, will not know the forecast.  So at least one day of every camping trip we sit inside the screen we set up over our picnic table waiting it out. 

            On our latest trip we had the highest site in the campground, a thirty degree incline up to a spot carved out of the mountainside, fifty feet higher than the nearest site, overlooking the campers to the south and the small town in the valley east of us.  We had set up the day before and watched the clouds roll in that night, obliterating the bright three-quarter moon, wrapping around us like a shroud.

            The rain began in the night, an intermittent drizzle that found its way through the dense forest canopy in a steady barrage of loud heavy plops on the taut nylon of the tent roof, keeping me awake half the night.  The next day we spent back in the screen in the middle of a mountain top cloud, its mist swirling around us and dripping off the saturated limbs and leaves even between the sporadic showers.  Inside and under cover, the benches we sat on grew cold and dank, seeping into the denim on our legs.  The sweatshirts on our backs felt damp and our shoulders chilled in the air.  The pages in the books we read thickened and curled at the corners in the cool humidity.  The top of the green propane stove at the end of the table beaded with moisture.

            By nightfall it was a pleasure to crawl into a warm dry sleeping bag, to lay our backs on a firm air mattress instead of leaning against the edge of a hard wooden table, facing outward to a smoky campfire we could hardly feel through the screen, that sputtered and sizzled from raindrops and wet wood.  The next morning dawned clear with a blue that can only mean “cold,” and air so crisp it sucked the damp out of everything, including our hands and lips.

            For a few days everything was perfect—hikes in pristine forests, clear views of twinkling lights in the valley below, food cooked over a wood fire, and a sky full of stars over us as we read at night, the red, orange, blue and purple flames of a crackling campfire toasting our toes and legs. 

            But as perfect as it was, do you think I didn’t want to go home eventually?  That I wanted to live out of boxes forever?  That there wouldn’t come another day, or even week of rain, or maybe a real storm to blow our tent completely off the mountain?  I was happy to go back home, to have electric lights and windows that would shut against the rain and cold, a bathroom just a few feet away instead of a quarter mile, a shower I didn’t have to share with strangers, and a washer and dryer I didn’t have to feed quarters into.  I enjoy my camping vacations, but I wouldn’t if I had to live that way forever.  In fact, would you even enjoy living in a hotel forever?

            The scriptures call our lives here a sojourn, a short stay away from our real home.  Why do we act like this is all that really matters, like we want to stay here forever, and why are we so surprised when it rains on us occasionally?  This isn’t Heaven after all, and faith doesn’t expect Heaven now.

            “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also,” Jesus said.  Too many of us have our treasures heaped up on a mountaintop campsite or a beachfront condo, and lose our faith when the clouds roll in to spoil our vacation.  If you think this life and this world are all God had in mind for you, you have set your sights far too low.

These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city. Hebrews 11:13-16.

Dene Ward

            I was born and raised a city girl.  We never had a mouse in our house.  Cartoons like “Tom and Jerry” and “Pixie and Dixie” seemed like fairy tales to me.  Then we moved to a farming community in Illinois.  Our house sat on the last street on the edge of the small town, right next to a cornfield.  One morning in September I got up to find that our dog had had a playmate all night long—one who was much the worse for wear, and who, unfortunately, had brought several friends in with him. 

            One of the farm wives in the church told us to stuff steel wool beside every pipe coming up through the floor--the kitchen sink, bathroom lavatory, hot water heater, washer, etc.  Pipes are the main highway for mice entering a home, and steel wool is the only flexible thing they cannot chew through.  I bought the small town out of steel wool and frantically stuffed it all down those offending holes.  Our mouse problem suddenly improved.  Once in awhile in the years that followed we had an interloper, but he was usually a lone pioneer in what we tried to make a hostile frontier.

            How much sense would it have made, though, for me to say, “Steel wool won’t take care of them all, so why bother?”  About as much sense as it would to say, “A criminal can always find a way into your home if he wants to, so why bother locking the door?”  There are some occasions where the word “stupid” legitimately applies.

            So why do I hear my brethren constantly harping on the inevitability of sin?  “We will all sin sooner or later no matter how hard we try.”  When I ask why, I hear, Let him who stands take he lest he fall, (1 Cor 10:12).  Translation:  the minute you start thinking you can overcome, you have become proud and before you know it, you will be down the tubes!  Surely there is a difference in recognizing, “With the help of my Savior, I can overcome,” and spouting, “I’m such a strong Christian I’d never do anything like that!”  Whatever happened to I can do all things through him who strengthens me?  Sometimes it sounds like we think that Divine help is at best, anemic, and at worst, impotent.  Or is it just that we don’t believe what we say?

.           Why can’t I use the fact that I overcame one temptation as an encouragement to overcome some more?  Are we denying that God expects us to grow and get stronger every day?  None of us would allow our children to play for a team whose coach told them they could never win, that even if they managed a win, they would lose sooner or later.  Yet we are so afraid of sounding like we believe in that Calvinistic notion of “once saved always saved,” that we openly discourage one another and wear it as a mark of soundness. 

            Paul was ever mindful of his status as a sinner, “the chiefest” in fact.  But he was not afraid to tell the Corinthians about his successes.  “I set an example for you by foregoing my rights for the sake of my brother’s soul.  Now do what I did,” (the context of 1 Corinthians chapters 8-10, concluding with 11:1).  He did not mean it as a boast, but someone surely could have taken it that way.  And when his life was over he said, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith.  Henceforth there is a crown of righteousness waiting for me, 2 Tim 4:7,8.  Was he bragging?  Of course not.  It was a declaration of hope for a job well done.  Let’s not stand on the sidelines just waiting to jump on a brother and accuse him of a lack of humility when he sees his own progress and is encouraged by it, daring to say, “With the Lord’s help, I can win.”

            Instead, let’s stand with the apostles and their view of things. 

            For the death that he died he died unto sin once, but the life that he lives, he lives unto God.  Even so, reckon also yourselves to be dead unto sin, but alive unto God in Christ Jesus.  Let not sin reign in your mortal bodies that you should obey the lusts thereof, neither present your members as instruments of unrighteousness, but present yourselves unto God as alive from the dead and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God, Rom 6:11-13.

            There has no temptation taken you but such as man can bear, but God is faithful, who will not let you be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation make also the way of escape that you may be able to endure it, 1 Cor 10:13.

            Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace, and taking up the shield of faith with which you shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the evil one, Eph 6:14-16. 

            The Lord knows how to deliver the godly out of temptation, 2 Pet 2:9.

            My little children, these things I write unto you that you may not sin, and if we sin, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous, 1 John 2:1.

            Get out the steel wool.  Plug the holes where you can.  Don’t let the fact that a sin here and there may find its way into your life cause you to roll out the red carpet for every temptation that comes along.  Take advantage of the encouragement God meant you to have and don’t give up the battle before you even start fighting.

Dene Ward

           I apologize for that, but I just don’t know what else to call it.  Chloe has a cold.  I never knew a dog could get a cold.  It has been typical of a human cold.  She felt miserable for two or three days, and then she started coming out of it, once again running to greet us when we step outdoors, and racing the couple hundred yards to the gate to meet us when we come home.  And, just like a human cold, the runny nose lingers on.  She never coughed or that would have lingered too, just as Keith’s has for over three months now.

            But this nose thing is almost intolerable.  Let me put it like this:  when a dog blows its nose, you had better stand way back.

            She comes out every morning trying to clean out her pipes, clearing her throat and spitting, blowing her nose and sneezing--just like her master, except he knows to use a handkerchief.  Chloe on the other hand looks just plain disgusting.

            I am sure you remember how it was when your toddler had a cold and you couldn’t follow him around all day wiping his nose.  You really did have diapers to wash, and meals to fix, and floors to mop, and on and on, a never ending list.   Suddenly he would come running to share with you a tot-sized marvel, and you would look up and, even if you didn’t say it, you would think, “Gross!” and grab a Kleenex to wipe up what was, um, hanging.  Well, with a dog, multiply that several times--and add a few inches.

            And just like a child, Chloe most certainly does not appreciate it when you wipe her nose.  She has learned to recognize the restroom variety brown paper towels that hang on the carport, and runs when she sees one in Keith’s hand.  As much as I hate to do it to her, when she flees to me for help, I grab her collar and hold her still so he can indeed, clean up that repulsive little schnozzle.  I found out the hard way what happens if you don’t.  Not only will she sneeze on you, but she will then wipe that nose all by herself--on your hem, or your shirtsleeve, or your jeans, or whatever else she can reach, mixed in with whatever dust or dirt she has lain in.  It is repulsive and the only way it comes off is in the washing machine.

            Are you thoroughly grossed out now?  What do you think when you see a friend with a bad case of sin?  Do you act like it isn’t there?  Are you afraid of losing him to correction?  Do you sympathize with him if anyone does care enough to try to help, joining in your friend’s criticism of their methods, their words, even their motivation—as if you could read minds?  Do you just go along like nothing has happened, like it won’t make any difference to them or you or anyone else?

            Sin is disgusting, especially in someone who claims to live a life of purity.  It will keep him from eternal life just as surely as a nose full of snot will keep a child from breathing well.  It will drip all over him in one disgusting glob and affect the lives of others who see him.  And if you stay too close, it will get on you too.  How can it not?

            Think about that special friend right now.  Everyone has one—someone you love who has lost his way.  Are you going to allow your friend to continue in this revolting situation, or do you love him enough to grab a paper towel and wipe his nose?

But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. And have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh, Jude 1:20-23.

Dene Ward