This world is full of amazing diversity. I have to smile at the nature books which claim to be a “Complete book of” anything because even when they seem packed with accurate information, they still end up leaving some things out. This serves to illustrate how varied the people around us can be. Even identical twins are not alike in every way. Romans 12 details how Christians, as many different members, still form a unified body that functions together. This was no accident. Ephesians 4 tells us that these differences are placed there in order to strengthen the body of Christ when each part does its share. It should not surprise us that variation in judgment also occurs between and even among families.
You were raised with certain rules and experiences that have made you into the person you are today. Some things you want to copy in your own life, and others you may have chosen as deliberate differences in an effort to change the outcome for your children. Your spouse most likely was raised with different applications of some of those same rules, if not different rules, altogether. The two of you must come to an agreement on what the guidelines and practical applications will be for your own family. Many grandparents would like to have a say in what those rules will be, but in the final picture, you are the ones who have the right to determine what happens in your house. Wise grandparents will respect the fact that these are your choices. You do not have the experience to know how all those decisions will play out, so listen to the advice of older parents who have been there, done that, and have an end result you wish to copy. This is also a mark of wisdom. Do not, however, allow others to intimidate you into pleasing them if you have a clear focus for your own family unit.
Conversely, the decisions you make for your family will probably not be just the same as those of your friends. For different reasons you may choose to make other applications, but neither of you should feel you owe the other a defense or issue debate propositions to justify the judgment call you have made. Be careful, not arrogant. Don’t be stubbornly unmoving but be steadfast in the things you are prayerfully convinced of. This does not need to spoil friendships.
Having said all of that, do not rush to judgment regarding the parental standards of others. Each family has the right to determine what they will and will not allow their children to do. Each family has the right to set standards for punishment as a teaching tool. I would not be justified in calling CPS (Child Protective Services) because I disagree with another’s standards when the life of the child is not at risk. I know that sounds harsh, but I can see it no other way. Some parents are foolish in their judgments, but that is not criminal. They may not act consistently with their intentions, but that also is not criminal. Sometimes I cry over what thoughtless parents do, but if those individual parents do not have the right to choose the rules that govern their own household, then who does? We do not live in a fascist state where those decisions are made for us. As much as I hate the unfortunate times that this has negative results, I am far more grateful in the long-run that each of us possess those rights individually.
You can have nightly devotionals with your children because that is your right to determine. You can teach them to pray, sing Bible songs, memorize Scripture, and do all the things an activist atheist hates to know you do. You can do this because of your liberty. Value the right you have to lead the spiritual education of your children. If you do not it may not remain your call to make. To be sure there are plenty of child psychologists who believe you are doing harm. They would love to be given clearance to “fix and protect” your children from “fanaticism.” I pray God will never allow that to happen. It is the age-old problem of free will all over again. If someone has the ability to make the correct choice, then they also have the ability to make the wrong one.
What can you do? Speak kindly to those you fear may have misjudged the appropriateness of what they do. Do not condemn them or impugn their motives. Try to calmly persuade. Pray for them and the children involved. Protect life but allow parents to parent their own children.
Laurie Moyer
Taken from Searching Daily, a blog by Doy Moyer