Some time ago, we made a presentation to the church's college age group about what you do when nothing in life turns out the way you planned.  We set out an idealistic young couple to be a preacher, raise a family and build churches.  Along the way came lies, firings, 90% deafness, vision problems that closed Dene's music studio, multiple job changes, being shot from ambush (I won!), multiple surgeries, and more.  Yet, we have been described as "the happiest here!" by a new member who did not know our names (to our son who they did not know was related).   This was a follow-up letter of all the things we forgot to say.
 
First was a question, "How do you keep from becoming bitter? Were there any particular passages that helped you?"
 
Some comes from support groups.  We always had a few, or at times, the non-influential majority who were there to help us.   Sometimes our help came from stubbornness.   We simply refused to let those people be right about us.   Being righteous and loving is the best way to “get even” in the face of false accusations.   Some was, as I said, the fear of hell.   Jesus was not ashamed to use plain old fashioned terror to motivate people to be good and at times, it is all you have.   Sometimes, as Dene said, we were good for the kids’ sake.   We might have given up with only our own souls in the balance, but could not do that to them.   In a lesser way, our weaker brothers and sisters can provide the same motivation.
 
Above all, perseverance came because we knew in whom we believed.   The blind man said, “One thing I know, whereas I was blind, now I see.”  We tried not to let our faith become complicated by the, "what if’s", and the unfairness, and “Why did this happen?”, and a hundred other questions.   We focused on the one thing we knew: that God knows what he is doing and that it is being done for his glory to accomplish his purpose in us--whether we ever understand or not.   From the beginning, we knew that it would be hard at times.   We had no clue how hard but our part is clear: faithfulness to the one who “so loved that He sent…”
 
God may not have a “better plan” for you.  Sin may have locked doors and blocked pathways that would have been better for you and for God.    Upon repentance, God will still use you.   The “better plan” sop some use when things “go wrong” can lead to a weak or lost faith.
 
Do not waste time trying to figure out God’s purpose for you or in things that happen to you.  Simply seize every opportunity to do any kind of work of faith that comes your way. 
 
We also understood that no longer being able to do certain things physically did not mean we were free to sit back and watch.   Disabilities mean you find something you CAN do, even if it isn’t what you dreamed, even if the disability makes it more difficult.   We owe God our service, in whatever our circumstances, in whatever way we can, for as long as we can.   Acts 13:36 says that David fulfilled his purpose and then he died.   To us that meant that he kept right on going until that time, doing for his Lord whatever was possible to do, which is ultimately, why we offered to talk to you as well.
 
"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2Cor 12:10).

"But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a youth’; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak.  ​Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the LORD.” " (Jer 1:7-8).
 
Keith Ward

Although I found more than one date in several different sources, finally I saw in a post from the Library of Congress, a photo of a notice for the trial of the British soldiers involved in what the American colonists referred to as the Boston Massacre.  With a little magnification, one can clearly see the date:  November 27, 1770.  Those eight men had been held in jail for seven months once the murder charges were filed.
            Most of us learned about that event in high school history classes, including the name of at least one of the men killed, Crispus Attucks.  But do we really know what happened?  The actual trial transcript still exists, and therefore the testimony of all those involved, including a deathbed statement by a colonist who was shot but lingered a bit before he died.  He stated that he understood why the soldiers fired.  Somehow, no one gave me that tidbit in high school.
            The times were already tense and edgy.  An eleven year old boy had been accidentally killed by an American when he entered his yard at night, evidently acting suspiciously.  Then on March 5, 1770, a lone British sentry was standing guard in Boston.  A group of colonists either led by or incited by a group called the Sons of Liberty began heckling him.  Before long, snowballs were thrown.  Captain Thomas Preston heard about what was going on and fearful of how the situation might escalate, gathered eight men and went to his sentry's defense.
            The situation did indeed escalate.  The crowd grew larger and the snowballs became chunks of ice and oyster shells.  The colonists crowded in until one soldier was separated from the others and hemmed in by a wall.  Finally his elbow was jostled and fearing that the worst was about to happen, he fired.  Another soldier hearing the shot, assumed the order to fire had been given and that in the shouting he had not heard it, so he fired, too.  According to the trial notice, five colonists were killed.  The British soldiers were charged with murder.
            John Adams led the defense.  Yes, one of the Founding Fathers, the second president of the United States of America, and the cousin of Samuel Adams who is thought to have founded and led the Sons of Liberty, defended the British soldiers involved in the Boston Massacre.  Why would he do such a thing?  Because, he said, it was about law and justice and whether the upstart new country that many were hoping for, would begin their claim of liberty and justice for all with a failure in exactly that regard.
            And so the trial began.  Witness after witness reported the facts, unadorned with the passion and emotion that fed the mob that night, including the deathbed statement given by the doctor on behalf of the slain man, one exception to the hearsay ban in courtrooms.  Then Adams patiently, and completely, led the jury through the law, including the definition of murder, which involved "malice."
            Captain Preston and six of his men were found "not guilty" of murder.  The other two soldiers, the two who had fired, were found guilty of manslaughter rather than murder.  The people of Boston were somewhat confused, but they accepted the verdict without demonstration of any kind.  America had passed its first test, five and a half years before it even became a country.
            Isn't a fair judgment what we want from God?
            But the LORD sits enthroned forever; he has established his throne for justice, and he judges the world with righteousness; he judges the peoples with uprightness  (Ps 9:7-8).
            Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; let the sea roar, and all that fills it; let the field exult, and everything in it! Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy before the LORD, for he comes, for he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness, and the peoples in his faithfulness (Ps 96:11-13).
            ​The King in his might loves justice. You have established equity; you have executed justice and righteousness in Jacob (Ps 99:4).
            God is a fair and righteous Judge.  The Psalms are filled with praise for his justice.  But when it comes right down to it, fair is not really want we want from God, folks.  If God were being fair, we wouldn't stand a chance.  On the scales of justice, nothing we do can counterbalance the weight of our sin.  Our salvation does not come from equity but from mercy. 
            It's a downright shame when a Christian faces a downturn in his life, no matter how severe, and shouts, "This isn't fair!"  Our salvation certainly is not fair to either God, who gave His Son, or Christ, who made the sacrifice.  Stop talking about fair because if suddenly you received fairness, you would never again experience anything good in your life at all as the evil simply overwhelmed and crushed you.  Now that would be fair.
            Somehow, in America, we still believe in fair trials.  That's the way it's supposed to be.  But be careful what you wish for on Judgment Day.
 
But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away (Isa 64:6).
 
Dene Ward        

On November 4, 1922, Howard Carter discovered the entrance to King Tut's tomb.  He had been looking for six years and his patron, George Herbert, the 5th Earl of Carnarvon, was about ready to call it off.  But then, in the debris of the tomb of Ramses VI in the Valley of the Kings, Carter and his crew found it—the burial place of the eighteen year old Pharaoh Tutankhamen.  Carter closed off the entrance and cabled his benefactor, waiting for his arrival before finally entering the tomb with him on November 26, 1922. 
            And what a tomb it was, full of all sorts of earthly treasures, including a stone sarcophagus containing three nested coffins.  Inside the final one of solid gold lay the embalmed mummy of the boy king.  The interior rooms also contained life-size gold figures of animals and gods, a large golden bed, alabaster cups, chariots, and an ornate throne.  The pictures show items thrown or shoved in, and stacked against walls willy-nilly, as if no one really ever expected to use them again, either here or in the world beyond. 
            All of this brought to mind another tomb.  Unlike King Tut's tomb, the one the disciples found was empty, even though well guarded.  It was not full of earthly treasure, just burial clothes.  Things were not thrown in helter-skelter, but Simon Peter therefore also came, following him, and entered into the tomb; and he beheld the linen cloths lying, and the napkin, that was upon his head, not lying with the linen cloths, but rolled up in a place by itself. (John 20:6-7)
            And why does any of that matter?
            First, the empty tomb was in Jerusalem, right where Christianity began, right where anyone could go and look for themselves and see that it was indeed empty.
            Second, the first witnesses were women.  While that does not strike a chord with us particularly, in those days, if you were planting witnesses and paying them off, the last people you would choose would be women.  Here are some of the prevailing views of women in first century Palestine:

But let not the testimony of women be admitted, on account of the levity and boldness of their sex, nor let servants be admitted to give testimony on account of the ignobility of their soul; since it is probable that they may not speak truth, --Josephus

Any evidence which a woman [gives] is not valid (to offer), also they are not valid to offer. This is equivalent to saying that one who is Rabbinically accounted a robber is qualified to give the same evidence as a woman. — Talmud (Rosh Hashannah)

Sooner let the words of the Law be burnt than delivered to women. — Talmud (Sotah)
            It may set my teeth on edge, but that is the way it was, and that fact strongly argues for the reality of the empty tomb.
           
            Third, all those carefully recorded details given by John about the burial clothes speak of an eyewitness account.  Anyone who has dealt with witnesses before—attorneys, judges, policemen, even my probation officer husband—recognizes that the more details are given, the more likely the truth is being told.
            Fourth, the authorities had to make up a story to cover up what really happened.  Now while they were going, behold, some of the guard came into the city, and told unto the chief priests all the things that were come to pass. And when they were assembled with the elders, and had taken counsel, they gave much money unto the soldiers, saying, Say, His disciples came by night, and stole him away while we slept. And if this comes to the governor's ears, we will persuade him, and rid you of care. So they took the money, and did as they were taught: and this saying was spread abroad among the Jews, and continues until this day. (Matt 28:11-15)
            This isn't even half the evidence.  The facts about the stone over the tomb would take up two or three pages, and another few for the couple hundred pounds of spices those burial clothes were wrapped and wrapped and wrapped in.  But let this little history nugget be a reminder to you of a tomb that really matters.  Not the magnificent tomb of a king that people forgot for centuries, but the one you have your hope set on, the one that means that you, too, will someday live forever with the very King who lay in that tomb, and rose again to reign over a more magnificent kingdom than ancient Egyptians ever even imagined.
 
Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. (1Cor 15:12-21).
 
Dene Ward

My sister and I stood near the end of the long pier that jutted into the Gulf, a steady breeze blowing our hair across our faces, the hot sun pounding our shoulders as only a Florida sun can.  The planks beneath our sandaled feet were thick and gray, old enough to have splintered on the surface here and there but still solid, only a faint vibration when anyone walked past us.  The waves rolled in, small and steady, splashing the pilings beneath us and sprinkling us with salt spray.
            We had cane poles that day, no fancy rods and reels—just throw it in the water and pull it up when the fish bites.  And all of a sudden one did.  At 11 and with very little experience in the sport, it felt like a monster and I am sure I must have squealed.  Suddenly I was surrounded and a hand helped me pull the thing up.
            “What is that!?” I asked no one in particular.  It was the ugliest thing I’d ever seen, about 5 pounds worth of ugly.
            A man I didn’t know laughed.  “It’s a cowfish,” he said, but actually the profile looked more like a pig’s than a cow’s to me.  He advised me to throw it back and I did—the only fish I ever caught.
            Fishing is a common theme in the Bible—and I bet you’re thinking of the gospels.  But Amos, Jeremiah, Habakkuk all used that metaphor too.
            ​The Lord GOD has sworn by his holiness that, behold, the days are coming upon you, when they shall take you away with hooks, even the last of you with fishhooks. Amos 4:2
            “Behold, I am sending for many fishers, declares the LORD, and they shall catch them. And afterward I will send for many hunters, and they shall hunt them from every mountain and every hill, and out of the clefts of the rocks. Jer 16:16
            You make mankind like the fish of the sea, like crawling things that have no ruler. ​He brings all of them up with a hook; he drags them out with his net; he gathers them in his dragnet; so he rejoices and is glad. ​Therefore he sacrifices to his net and makes offerings to his dragnet; for by them he lives in luxury, and his food is rich. Is he then to keep on emptying his net and mercilessly killing nations forever? Hab 1:14-17
            The prophets use the metaphor of God’s people being caught by a net or hook and carried into exile.  It was a fearsome image, one far removed from the picture we might have of a quiet man meditatively casting his line into a babbling brook. It takes Jesus to turn that scary prophetic metaphor on its ear.  Yes, we are “fishers of men,” but whereas the Assyrians and Babylonians made captives of those they caught, Jesus sets us free.
            For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. Rom 8:2.  Free from the law, free from sin, free from death.  How could we be any freer?
            And it doesn’t really matter to him how ugly a fish we are.  Unless we struggle in his hands, he won’t throw us back. 
 
So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32
 
Dene Ward

I recently followed a link on Facebook to an excellent article on parenting.  I, and many others, commended the article, and I even passed it on myself.  The title to that article contained a figure of speech, actually two-in-one, both hyperbole and metonymy.  The hyperbole seemed to be the one that had a couple of people up in arms.  Notice, I said, just a couple.  Everyone else understood perfectly well what was being said. 
            And why would they understand those big hard to spell words, metonymy and hyperbole?  Because we all use both those figures every day.  You do not have to know what they are called to use them.  Just concentrate on hyperbole for a moment.  Have you ever said things like this?
            “You do that every time!”
            “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.”
            “It’s so hot out here I’m about to melt!”
            “I have a million things to do.”
            “If I can’t have those new shoes, I’m gonna die.”
            We know exactly what every one of those statements mean.  It is no mystery.  It’s not even difficult.  So why do we get all in a frenzy over using hyperboles when talking about spiritual things—especially when the Bible does it again and again?
            Where are we going up? Our brothers have made our hearts melt, saying, The people are greater and taller than we. The cities are great and fortified up to heaven. And besides, we have seen the sons of the Anakim there. Deut 1:28
            Among all these were 700 chosen men who were left-handed; every one could sling a stone at a hair and not miss. Judg 20:16
            And the king made silver and gold as common in Jerusalem as stone, and he made cedar as plentiful as the sycamore of the Shephelah. 2Chr 1:15
            For every beast of the forest is mine, the cattle on a thousand hills. Ps 50:10
            Yet it was I who destroyed the Amorite before them, whose height was like the height of the cedars and who was as strong as the oaks; I destroyed his fruit above and his roots beneath. Amos 2:9
            That’s just a tiny portion of the hyperboles used in the Old Testament, probably less than 1%, but what about the New?  Just this past Sunday, our preacher began his sermon with the statement, “Our Lord loved hyperboles.”  He then read portions of Matthew 18:1-22, where Jesus used one after the other after the other.  And these are not even the half by a mile (aha! a hyperbole!).  Here are some others:  “Let not your right hand know what your left hand doeth.”  “Go into your closet to pray.”  “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter Heaven.” Etc., etc., etc. 
            Even the common people used them and plainly understood them.  So the Pharisees said to one another, “You see that you are gaining nothing. Look, the world has gone after him.” John 12:19
           Then we have Paul using hyperboles in his teaching. In Gal 5:12 about the Judaizers he said, “I wish they would go beyond circumcision,” certainly a hyperbole.
           And here is one the denomination world misuses all the time: Paul said, I thank God that I baptized none of you save Crispus and Gaius, 1 Cor 1:14.  Do we really think Paul was glad he did not baptize more people personally?  No!  The point was that because of what the Corinthians were doing with the matter of who baptized whom—making divisions in the church—he was just as happy that few could do that with his name.  He would certainly have baptized anyone who wanted to be baptized if he had not had so many helpers traveling with him to do it. 
          Paul used an exaggeration to make a point, just as his Savior did over and over and over.  And the prophets before him between Kings and Malachi.  And the writers of the histories, and the Law.  And the poets probably more than anyone.  I recently ran across a book called Figures of Speech in the Bible.  The hyperbole section included 86 “examples,” meaning just a small amount of the total.  There must be literally (not hyperbolically) thousands of hyperboles in the Bible.  And many of the men who used them are set forth for us as examples to follow.  Yet all my life I have seen people try to take them literally, as if God had no idea how to communicate with us in everyday language, and jump on preacher’s for using something “that might be misunderstood.”
          Why would they do that when they would turn right around and say to their children, “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times…”?  Maybe we jump on these things as our excuse not to listen to something we would rather ignore.  That article did touch a few nerves.  But if we think we are well-versed in the scriptures, we need to be sure our objections do not make us appear otherwise.
 
Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight! Isa 5:21
 
Dene Ward

"That'll never happen."
            I have said that several times.  Sadly, I have been wrong far more often than I have been right.  Now I may never say it again.  I picked up the paper a few weeks ago and found these quotes:
            "The wish to be biologically related to one's children, like the wish to associate only within one's racial group, can have harmful effects," Rebecca Roache, senior lecturer in philosophy at the University of London.  Notice carefully what that says—it equates family love with racism.
            "A preference toward children one is biologically related to is morally illegitimate" and "a moral vice." Dr Ezio Di Nucci, University of Copenhagen.  Which says that loving your children is wrong, in fact, what we would call a sin.
            "A mother who undergoes a nine month pregnancy is likely to feel that the product of all that pain and discomfort belongs to her…But we want to destroy this possessiveness," Shulamith Firestone, a Canadian-American feminist, author, and activist.  Here we see that infants are not just fetuses before they are born, they are products afterward, products that should have no relationship to their mother.
            "The stewardship of fathers over their children cause[s] ongoing hurt in children…The state should endorse child custody agreements wherein a child can have more than two parents [and] they do not necessarily have to be his biological parents," Merav Michaeli, Israeli feminist, politician and television anchor.  In other words, the government should take all children at birth and choose "parents" for them.
            "We must explode notions of hereditary parentage" and work for the widespread "defeat of kinship," and "infants don't belong to anyone," Sophie Lewis, visiting scholar at the Alice Paul Center for Research on Gender, Sexuality, and Women at the University of Pennsylvania, author of Full Surrogacy Now:  Feminism against Family.*
            These people are just a few people in the movement to destroy the nuclear family.  "We are supposed to love everyone," they say, "not just family."  Of course we are, but tell me—where does a person learn love but in his family?  Where does he see examples of sacrificial love every day?  In his family, when a mother stays up all night to tend a sick child, when a father works two jobs to provide for his family, when parents work harder to give their children the things they need than they ever did for themselves.
            Far from thinking it "a moral vice," God ordained family when he ordained marriage in Genesis 1 and 2.  "Be fruitful and multiply."  He uses the natural love we feel in that relationship to teach us things.
                First, He shows us how He loves us by treating us like His children.
            Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you (Isa 49:15).
               As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you…(Isa 66:13).
             When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son…it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms…​I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love… (Hos 11:1,3-4).
            As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him (Ps 103:13).
            Who can miss the care and warmth in those passages?  Only someone who thinks the idea of family is bad and should be destroyed.
            God also uses family love to show us how to treat one another.  We may miss some of this because the word is often translated "house" or "household," but it is obvious that these passages are talking about family.  What did Joshua say?  "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord," and he certainly didn't meant the domicile he lived in when he said it.
            So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God (Eph 2:19).
            So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith (Gal 6:10).
            Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him (1John 5:1).
            Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers (1Tim 5:1).
            Those who have believing masters must not be disrespectful on the ground that they are brothers…Teach and urge these things (1Tim 6:2).
            I could go on and on with passages in which the epistle writers call Christians "brothers."  I think I counted 56 and I am sure I missed a few.  God clearly wanted us to treat one another like "family."  That means He meant for those natural feelings to exist—He created them--and they are not a "moral vice."  In fact, "without natural affection" is included in that list of heinous sins in Romans 1:28-32.  Someone has things terribly turned around.
            These things are out there, folks, regardless my naïve assumption or perhaps yours, that it can't happen.  If you have children or grandchildren in the public schools, please, please check things out, not just once, but often.  I went to the schools once a month to do exactly that, even though we were certain we had found a God-fearing county to live in.  That was over 20 years ago.  Look how quickly things are changing now.  Your children are being indoctrinated with it.  Don't let it happen on your watch!
 
For he who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why he is not ashamed to call them brothers (Heb 2:11).
 
Dene Ward

* I found all of these quotes in an article by Kimberly Ells in The Epoch Times, September 22-29, 2021 issue.

I remember it like it was yesterday.  A young woman in the church, an early thirty-something as I recall, asked me to go to her friend’s house and talk with her.  The woman had some “questions” and she thought a preacher’s wife would be the perfect person to answer them.  Now throw this into the mix:  I was 21.  I had been married a little over a year and had been a full time preacher’s wife for about 6 months.  This was my first time in the counselor role, and it was a doozy.
            Why?  Because this young woman’s marriage was on the rocks.  She was a member of one of the standard cult-type denominations and her church leaders had told her it was up to her to keep her marriage intact, even though her husband was not a member and was threatening to leave her.  “What do I do if he does?” she asked, near tears.
            At that point I knew there was no sense talking “the plan of salvation” or the church with her.  What I saw was a desperate young woman in pain.  She was three or four years older than I and judging by her young children, had been married about that many years longer, but she still looked to me to answer her question, even though at that point in my life I looked about 16.  I turned to 1 Cor 7:10-15 and read it to her, culminating in, “If the unbelieving depart, let him depart, the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases.”
            She looked at me in amazement.  “Why didn’t my own leaders show me this?  Why did they tell me I was in sin if I didn’t figure out a way to make him stay?”  Because, I was thinking to myself, they read something besides the Bible, but it was not the time for that conversation.  Even my young, inexperienced self knew that.
            But I had taken an “older” woman with me—she might have been 30—and after we left, she got all over me.  How could I possibly give marriage advice?  What was wrong with me?  How could I tell her to leave her husband (which I did not do and could never figure out where that accusation came from)?  All I did was read the Bible to her.  And that conversation led to more, some even more ticklish, like the time she asked me about something in their sexual relationship.  But she kept asking and I kept going, and we did eventually talk about the gospel.  All too soon we left that place, and as far as I know, no one from the church ever went to talk with that young woman again.  I planted the seed but no one bothered to water it because it was too “difficult” a situation.
            That was my first experience with difficult questions.  By difficult, I don’t meant theologically difficult.  I mean the intimate ones, the ones that deal with things seldom discussed—especially among Christian women.  All my life I have seen young women too afraid to ask those questions.  Too often they are ignored because no one wants to deal with them.  Other times they receive a hastily muttered response amounting to, “Oh, you’ll get over it,” or “It’ll go away if you leave it alone.”  And worst of all, because she admits she has a problem with anything involving sex and asks how to deal with it, she is told that if she were truly a Christian, she wouldn’t have such disgusting issues in her life.
            It’s long past time for that to stop.  If we older women truly want the younger women to come to us, we need to change how we receive them.  We need to act like their problems are real—because they are!—and nothing that isn’t common to others.  We need to be able to say those words we usually avoid because we are “ladies.”  In a society where sex imbues everything from automobiles to hamburgers, it’s time we faced the truth:  even Christian women have problems that maybe our own generation or the ones before it did not, not because we were better than they, but because our noses weren’t rubbed in it every day.
            It’s time we realized that Christian women can become addicted to pornography, as early as middle school.  It doesn’t make them any less a Christian than the one who is addicted to gossip.  Now deal with it, don’t sweep it under the rug and allow a floundering child to die in sin because we don’t want to face the facts.
            We need to be able to look teenage girls in the eye and say, “If he has ever laid a hand on you in anger, get away from him.  It will only get worse after marriage.”  Yes, I have seen “Christian” abusive husbands.  We need to give these girls a list of things to look for, and we need to give that list to the men to teach the boys how to avoid becoming those abusers.
            We need to talk about what does and does not constitute intercourse and more than that, teach the attitude that strives for purity, not just toeing the line as closely as possible so we can still call ourselves virgins.  My daddy used to say, “We keep putting the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LAB-le, and look where it’s gotten us.”
            We need to talk about the place of the sexual relationship in marriage, not only its problems and pitfalls, but its glories too.  We need to tell our young people that God meant us to love the look of one another and not be ashamed of it.  We need to teach young women about the needs of their husbands in plain language they can understand.  We need to physically pull their heads out of the sand if they won’t do it themselves.
            But more than anything else, we must teach our young people that we are happy to talk about anything with them, even things that might feel uncomfortable to us.  And we need to hide that discomfort at all costs if we expect to form a relationship with those precious souls.  They need to know how important they are to us, and that their questions will be held in confidence.  They need to see this in us as we give them our full attention and really listen.  (Obviously, situations can arise where health and safety of both body and soul may require us to speak to someone in authority.  That should go without saying.)
            There will always be hard questions.  I have seen a few young people who seem to ask them just to see the reaction they might get.  Don’t give them any excuse to assume you are “just like all the other old people—fuddy-duddies who don’t really care anyway.”  Instead, surprise them and prove them wrong. 

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure…Titus 2:3-5
 
Dene Ward
                       

Twenty-five years ago my husband was ambushed and shot in the line of duty.  His survival brought about deep gratitude and relief in this house.  Yet there were other trials we still had to endure.  I chastised myself for complaining about them because things could have easily been so much worse.  Yes, the first week was one of abject terror because reprisals had been threatened.  I have never felt so lonely in my life as I rose to look out the windows every night when the dogs barked, especially since he was still recovering from his wounds and unable to do much.  Plus we had to deal with police investigators, attorneys, supervisors all the way up to the Secretary of the Department of Corrections (himself!), and then there was the media.  Add to all those the doctor appointments, physical therapy appointments, hearings, and the accompanying financial problems as he lay out of work for nearly a month.  But, I kept reminding myself, he's alive.
            I had come within a literal quarter inch of having no more socks to pick up, no more shirts to iron, no more toothpaste tubes squeezed in the middle, and no more cough drop wrappers lying by the (missed) trash can, and I was so glad!  If this is the worst trial we have to go through, I will never complain again, I confidently affirmed.
            One year, two months, and ten days later I got irritated over a pair of socks.  Later that same day the water heater sprang a leak.  We live in Florida out in the country, it was summer, and we own a "manufactured home," which is sales-speak for trailer.  Nothing fits right off the shelf and often must be ordered.  Repairmen will sometimes refuse to travel this far out, and when they do it costs plenty.  The only way to stop the leaking (actually pouring) water heater until it was fixed was to turn off the water to the entire house. 
               The next day the air conditioner quit.  Did I mention we live in Florida and it was summer and in a trailer you have seven foot ceilings and no attic space so it is always 10 degrees hotter inside than out—where it was 95 with matching humidity, which meant a heat index of about 110. 
            So what did I do, beginning with those socks?  Complain!  What happened to all those confident assertions? 
            I have always had great disdain for the Israelites.  How could they have possibly been unfaithful to God after all He did for them?  How could they possibly "murmur" (complain) as I Corinthians 10 accuses?  Surely they were the most ungrateful, hardheaded people who have ever lived.  And what did Paul say about them a few verses later?  Now these things happened unto them by way of example; and they were written for our admonition…(1Cor 10:11).  MY admonition?  I could never be like those people.  Wherefore let him that thinks he stands take heed lest he fall (1Cor 10:12).
            Perhaps I have been a little too hard on those people, a little too Pharisaical.  "Thank you, Lord, that I am not like THEM."  But I am--over and over and over.  And aren't we all?
            The disciples rejoiced that they were counted worthy to suffer for Him.  And here I can't even put up with something that has absolutely nothing to do with persecution for my faith.  He that is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much: (Luke 16:10).  If I can't manage the small, I certainly won't manage the things of greater importance.
            It only took a year for things to be back to "normal" for me, complaining, that is.  Pay attention:  the lesson learned from one bad scare won't last if it doesn't cause a change in heart altogether, along with a daily renewing of that change.  I would certainly hate for the Lord to decide I need to go through it all again.
 
I will pursue them with sword, famine, and pestilence, and will make them a horror to all the kingdoms of the earth, to be a curse, a terror, a hissing, and a reproach among all the nations where I have driven them, because they did not pay attention to my words, declares the LORD, that I persistently sent to you by my servants the prophets, but you would not listen, declares the LORD (Jer 29:18-19).
 
Dene Ward
 

Yes that is actually the topic for the day.  How is it that the thing that cleans us best (soap) is the same thing that makes some of the ugliest, hardest to remove dirt in the bathtub (soap scum)?  And if you do begin to get some of that flaky, grayish-white stuff removed as you scrub your knuckles off, but do not get it all, things look even worse.  How many times have I looked down, arms aching and out of breath, only to find white lines down the sides instead of a completely white tub, and had to start yet again?  Not just anything will remove soap scum. 
            Which made me sit and think awhile and yes, there may even be a spiritual application to soap scum!  Jesus told a parable about a sower.  Some of the seeds which fell among the thorns, these are they that have heard, and as they go on their way they are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection.  Luke 8:14
            When we read that parable we tend to think that all the “other grounds” besides the good ground are wicked things.  Not so here.  The cares of life can be anything from worrying about paying the bills to becoming workaholics.  Riches, though dangerous, are not necessarily sinful.  Pleasures can be hobbies and entertainment.  None of these things is inherently sinful, in fact, they can be therapeutic when we need rest or when our children need our attention on a one-on-one level.  They can build relationships with brethren. They can establish bonds with neighbors who we might then be able to teach.  They can support our families.  BUT------
            If those things are not managed wisely, they can choke out the Word.  They can keep us from prayer and meditation, from study time, from extra time in the Word offered by the elders in the way of classes, lectures, and gospel meetings.  No, you may not be actively sinning, but are you neglecting God in other ways?  Are you choking Him out of your life?
            These are the hardest things to “weed out” precisely because they are not wrong.  Consider this:  don’t you as a parent look out for your child by limiting the things--the perfectly good things--he becomes involved in?  I hope you do.  No child should be robbed of his childhood by a parent who overschedules him with every activity he can find in an effort to offer him “enrichment.”  As a piano teacher I saw too many of my students nearly fall asleep on the bench because they were too tired—even 6 year olds!  More than once I told a parent that his child was not making the progress he should because he did not have the time to practice.  He might as well quit lessons—he certainly needed to drop out of something!  I even had some parents learn that the hard way when a child had what we called in the old days a “nervous breakdown.”
            Your children learn it from you.  Are you too busy to study your Bible in the evening?  Are you too busy to visit the sick and the widows?  Are you too busy to attend an extra Bible class?  Then something needs to go.  The cares and pleasures of your life are choking out the Word.
            This morning walk into your bathroom and look at the tub.  Remind yourself that even good things can produce bad consequences.  All that sudsy, good-smelling soap we use in the shower can leave an ugly scum that needs to be removed before we can even claim that our bathroom is clean.  The same thing is true of your life.   
 
Look therefore carefully how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be not foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Eph 5:15-17
 
Dene Ward

Part 5 in a series by guest writer Lucas Ward.

Acts 2:42-47  "And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.  And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common.  And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need.  And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."
 
            We say we want to follow the example of the first century church and model ourselves as nearly as possible after the ancient order of things.  Well, this passage is literally the first description of the first church ever.  They are described in two ways:  they were devoted to the apostles' teaching and they were devoted to fellowship.  They gathered daily in the temple to learn from the apostles and they took care of each other's needs.  Day by day they were in each other's homes, eating together.  These were people who were active in each other's lives.  They knew each other and depended on each other.  They were a family.  These were not people who just nodded at each other with a "Hi, how are you?" once a week. 
            How well do you know your spiritual family?  When I preached this sermon, I asked some specific questions about certain members to illustrate the point. 

1)  How do you pronounce Lou's last name?  Where is he from?
2)  Why did Morris and Margret have Mickey Mouse ears on their car?  In what field is Margret a certified expert?
3)  What is Josh's job?  Where does he do it?
4)  Did you know that Greg is soon to move?  Where is he going?

               Obviously my questions don't mean anything to most of you readers, but you can understand the concept, especially if you try to think of similar questions regarding your own congregation.  Do we even know each other?  How can we operate as a family if we don't?
            There is an elephant in the room that needs to be addressed:  the Social Gospel.  So many religious organizations recruit new members based on all the social opportunities that the "church" provides.  There are sports leagues for the kids, young women's groups, older women's groups, new fathers' groups, regular parties in the fellowship hall, plays, dances, lock-ins and so on and so forth all paid for by the church -- for which we have no Biblical authority --  and all given as the reason for church attendance.  The reason we should be attending church is not for the social opportunities, but to worship our God and to serve Him as He directs, but in divorcing ourselves from the Social Gospel the churches of Christ have nearly gone too far in the other direction and denied any social component in the church.  Again I ask, how can we be a family together if we don't know each other?
            I submit that we cannot complete our God-given roles if we aren't spending time together.  For example, James 5:16 "Confess therefore your sins one to another and pray for one another that you may be healed."  To do that takes trust and a closeness one doesn't get in a few minutes of chatting in the parking lot each week.  To confess your sins is to leave yourself open and vulnerable and is rarely done to people one doesn't trust.  Alcoholics Anonymous achieves this through anonymity.  No one knows anyone else there so there can't be any blowback, but in the church we all know each other.  So if I am going to confess my failings and weaknesses to a brother, I need to know him and be able to trust that he isn't going to gossip or use my confession later as some sort of weapon. 
            Or how about Romans 12:15 "Rejoice with them that rejoice, weep with them that weep."  When something really good happens, you want to share the good news with others, right?  You call all your buddies and celebrate together.  When was the last time a church member other than immediate physical family was among the first three calls you made?  Why not?  Because we celebrate with buddies and I barely know those people I worship with.  The same is even more true when mourning is the topic.  Again, crying makes you vulnerable and is only done among those trusted, not those mere acquaintances at church, right?
            And how am I supposed to "provoke one another to love and good works" (Heb. 10:24) if I don't in what areas you need to be exhorted or what type of exhortation works best with you?  After all, each of us responds to exhortations differently depending on the situation.  To know that, we have to know each other. 
            I could go on, but this seems sufficient to illustrate the point:  again and again we cannot perform our God-given duties for our spiritual families if we barely know them.  This is not the Social Gospel, but yes, the Gospel does call us to be social.  We need to be in each others' homes.  We need to meet for lunch.  We need to be active in each other's lives.
            We will either learn to love each other and our congregations will become spiritual families, or our churches will fail and fall apart.  It is that simple.
 
John 13:35  "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." 
 
Lucas Ward