Today's post is by guest writer Keith Ward.
 
We were hiking a trail in N. Georgia near the eastern continental divide when we came upon a young healthy tree at least a foot in diameter that had been smashed under a huge old tree that had blown over in some storm.  The younger tree was absolutely crushed and broken to the ground by the fall of a tree at least 4 times its size.  I had to wait a few minutes for Dene to catch up before I could show her this scene. We’ve seen blow-downs of several trees at once, but this was the first time for a young adult tree crushed by another larger tree.  Since I once read too much science fiction, I could not help but think of it from the young tree’s perspective. “There I was, growing and healthy and strong, when suddenly this huge, older, stronger tree crashed right on top of me. I never had a chance.”
 
Is that not a familiar sight among Christians? When one who is older and more mature stumbles or falls, the damage is seldom repaired by his repentance.  In his fall, he crushes the life out of younger trees from seedlings to saplings to even full grown.  It seems that the more mature the sinner the greater the collateral damage.  Some may fall into the same or similar sins; some may be spiritually traumatized and need prayer and counseling to get back to the same level they once were, if they ever do; some may just give up with the thought that if he fell, what chance do I have? 
 
For this reason, we urge all to place their faith in God, not in any man; faith in Christ, not in a personality.  But, it is still true that we look to some who exemplify faith in action, whose conduct shows Christ in them and whom we look to as spiritual fathers we wish to emulate. Should such a one even stumble, it causes cracks in our shields, makes our knees quake and dulls our swords. If they fall, many will be spiritually devastated.
 
We are not alone in having passed through some trying times.  Sometimes, it seemed that all that kept us going in the faith was the thought of the impact our fall would have on our sons.  At other times when tempted, a primary deterrent was what it would do to other Christians if they ever found out.  Maybe this seems less strong than the one who stands in the strength of his own faith and overcomes by himself for himself, but one cannot help but believe that the one who served others finds such concerns to be noble motives.
 
Though a fallen tree cannot right itself, sometimes a fallen saint does.  He may even go onward and upward in his faith and influence others to stronger faith.  But he can never undo the damage he did to “these little ones” during his sin and the tears of his regrets will never cease to flow.
 
Not everyone who falls ceases to attend.
 
The righteous are often tempted.  These thoughts are offered to warn in order that they "stand, and having done all, STAND" and never yield.
 
Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.
(Mark 9:42)
 
But when the righteous turns away from his righteousness, and commits iniquity, and does according to all the abominations that the wicked man does, shall he live? None of his righteous deeds that he has done shall be remembered: in his trespass that he has trespassed, and in his sin that he has sinned, in them shall he die.
(Ezekiel 18:24)
 
Keith Ward
 
 

If you read through the histories of the early church, especially during the persecutions, you will see that everyone found the behavior of Christians totally inexplicable.  Despite pain and death, they never acted the way people expected them to act.  They did not denounce their Savior, and the ones who survived did not try to avenge their mistreatment.
            God’s people did not suddenly become pliant and merciful in the first century.  It began long before.  David is a prime example in his careful treatment of Saul, a mad king who was out to destroy him.  Maybe that is where the little maiden learned her first lessons about mercy.
            We do not know exactly when, how, or where, but a band of Syrian soldiers raided an Israelite town and took many people captive, among them a little girl.  Eventually she wound up in the home of Naaman, the captain of the very army who kidnapped her and possibly even killed members of her family, serving his wife.  I don’t know how old she was, but she was probably far older in mind and actions than children her age nowadays because of what she had been through.  She was old enough to remember her homeland and to know about the power of God and his prophet Elisha.
            Soon she discovered that her new master had leprosy, a disease so dreaded in her own country that the people who had it were sent away and quarantined.  What would you have thought?  “Good!  Serves him right.  Get him, God.”  I can easily see those thoughts going through my mind, especially if the last view I had of my home was painted with the blood of my family.  What was the last thing you wanted to “get even” with someone about?  Can it even hold a candle to what this girl must have experienced?
            But no, she tells her mistress, Would that my lord were with the prophet who is in Samaria! He would cure him of his leprosy, 2 Kings 5:3.
            Excuse me?  This man is an enemy of God’s people, at that time a physical kingdom with physical enemies.  God’s standing orders often included wiping out those enemies.  Yet she wants to save this man, who could easily kill more of God’s children?  She was obviously too young to know what she was doing.
            But Elisha wasn’t.  And God certainly knew whom he was healing as Naaman dipped himself into the Jordan River.  This was no mistake caused by a naïve child.  The mercy she showed was exactly what God wanted of her.
            And so the unexpected result, mercy from a captive toward her captor, made for yet another unexpected result.  Naaman, the heathen army captain, said, Behold now I know that there is no God in all the earth, but in Israel, v 15.
            Sometimes in our zeal to fight for God, we forget that He knows best.  When will we ever learn that with God, we should expect the unexpected?
 
You have heard that it was said, you shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy: but I say unto you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you; that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven: for he makes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust.  For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the publicans the same?  And if you salute your brethren only, what do you more?  Do not even the Gentiles the same?  You therefore shall be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect, Matt 5:43-48.
 
Dene Ward

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

Refrain:
It is well (it is well)
With my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come
Let this blest assurance control
That Christ (yes, He has) has regarded my helpless estate
And has shed His own blood for my soul

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought (a thought)
My sin, not in part, but the whole (every bit, every bit, all of it)
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more (yes)
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul
           
Most of us know, love, and sing this song.  It is one of the most moving in the hymnal, especially when you know the backstory.
            Horatio Spafford, the writer of the lyrics, was an attorney in Chicago who owned significant properties.  He and his wife Anna had five children.  In 1871, the only boy, a four-year-old, died of pneumonia.  In 1873, the Great Chicago Fire took a large portion of his properties, putting the family in dire financial straits.  Things began to improve and the family made plans to visit England.  Unexpected business came up and Spafford put his wife and four daughters on the ship to England, promising to arrive as soon as possible.  Four days out the ship collided with a large Scottish vessel and sank, taking all four of the girls.  Anna survived, hanging onto a piece of wreckage.  Most of us know that story.  It is justifiably famous.  Now go back and read those lyrics again, written by a man who had lost almost everything.
            "Whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say, It is well with my soul."  Could we have written that after some of the trials in our lives?  As for me, I am not sure, but I do know that given the New Testament's demand that we learn to live not for this world, but for the one to come, I think I should be able to.  If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory (Col 3:1-4).
            I think we all understand this hymn and the point it makes, whether we can emulate the author or not.  But one phrase remains misunderstood by most because of our ignorance of the words of scripture and how some of them were once used.  Look at that last verse.  First the lyricist speaks of the day God will come in final judgment.  Then he begins the next phrase with "Even so."  Most of us would immediately think, "In spite of."  So the verse would take on the meaning, "One day the Lord is coming, but in spite of this, it is well with me soul."  I don't really think that is what we want to be saying.
            The people who wrote hymns in those times, were so well steeped in the scripture, especially the King James Version, that they tended to speak and write that way.  "Even so" can be two separate words in the Greek or it can be just one.  The one we want is, I think, nai.  That word is a word of strong affirmation, similar to "Amen."  Most of the time it is translated "Yea" or "Yes," but in the older versions also "Verily" and "Truth."  Look at this verse in particular.  What then did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet (Luke 7:26).  Jesus is making the point that you may have thought you were going out to see a prophet when you went to hear John, but he was much more than just a prophet.  Affirmation.  Certainty.
            So what does that mean about our hymn and the phrase in question?  It means, "The Lord is coming and yes, I am anxious for his arrival."  It is similar to the apostle John's sentiments in the Revelation when he says, He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming quickly.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus (Rev 22:20).  Is that how we feel about that Day, the Day the Lord returns and takes us home?
            This hymn has more than one challenging thought in it.  Next time you sing it, consider what it truly meant to the man who wrote it, and what it should mean to us.
 
Behold, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him, even those who pierced him, and all tribes of the earth will wail on account of him. Even so. Amen (Rev 1:7).
And inasmuch as it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment, so Christ also, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time for salvation without reference to sin, to those who eagerly await Him (Heb 9:27-28).
 
Dene Ward

In his third epistle, John prays what has to be the most frightening prayer in the Bible.  Beloved I pray that in all things you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers, v2. 
            Have you ever wondered what might happen if God suddenly answered that prayer—that your body and your economic life may be as healthy as your soul?  Those of us who prosper financially, might suddenly be living a hand to mouth existence, while others who can barely make ends meet might find their bank accounts overflowing.  Are we more concerned with our IRAs, annuities, and money market accounts than with the unfathomable riches of Christ, Eph 3:8?  What was it Jesus called the rich man who was more concerned with his physical wealth than his spiritual wealth?  You fool!  This night is your soul required of you, and all the things you have prepared, whose will they be then?  So is he who lays up treasure for himself but is not rich toward God.  Luke 12:20,21
           But what about the physical health angle of that prayer?  Some of us who are fat and sassy might instantly become pale and emaciated.  Some of us might even fall over dead!  But there might be others, frail and chronically ill, who suddenly become as hale and hearty as the great athletes of the world.
            If we want to be able to pray John’s prayer, we need to get our souls in shape.  Do they get the proper nourishment or do they fast several days a week?  Do our souls have to be force-fed?  Do we “exercise our senses” every day, “discerning between good and evil,” or do we sit like couch potatoes, taking in with a glazed look everything the world has to offer?  Are we willing to take our medicine when we need it, or do we deny our faults and blame everyone else as if that will make them go away?
            If a righteous man stands up Sunday morning and prays this prayer fervently—that everyone there will suddenly be as prosperous in wealth and healthy in body as they are in soul--will we jump up and beg him to stop because we know the results of the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man, James 5:16? 
             Think about it; it might change your life.
 
For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father from whom every family in heaven and in earth is named, that he should grant you according to the riches of his glory that you may be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, to the end that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be strong to apprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge that you may be filled unto all the fullness of God.  Eph 3:14-19
 
Dene Ward
 

A national day for zucchini bread?  You bet, but first a little history.
            Zucchini is not a European native, at least it wasn't at first.  It is a Western Hemisphere plant the seeds of which have been found in Mexican archaeological digs dating back as far as 9000 BC.  All of those Italian and Spanish explorers who sailed around and hiked all over the New World took back the first ones when they went home, Columbus among them.  Even then they thought it was a melon!  The Native Americans used a word for it that meant "to be eaten raw," which may be the worst way to eat a zucchini.  Maybe that is why it was some time in the 1800s before zucchini became a popular vegetable in Italy where it was called zucca, which means "squash."  "Zucchini," is the diminutive form and is plural because an Italian word ending in "i" usually is.  (You ate one panino at lunch, not one panini, no matter what the menu says.)  On what date did all this happen?  I have no idea, and neither did anyone I consulted.  April 25 seems an odd day to choose, since they aren't producing yet, not even here in North Florida gardens, but so be it. 
            Zucchini's popularity can be explained primarily by both its ease in growing and its bountifulness.  It may not be that one zucchini plant will yield 100 of the things, but it sure seems that way, and that is how the recipe for zucchini bread was born—a gardener going out day after day hoping for something else but finding nothing but zucchini, and you have to do something with them!  Your neighbors learn to run when they see you coming with a sackful, or they cower inside pretending not to be at home when you knock.
If you are a gardener (or know one), you have probably made your fair share of zucchini bread.  We quit growing zucchini a long time ago.  We prefer yellow summer squash instead.  At least it has a little flavor.  But it also works for zucchini bread, and I have found a way to make that little loaf that is actually worth baking, no matter which you use.
            Most zucchini (or squash) bread is compact and dense, and just about flavorless.  Try this instead.  Take your usual recipe.  Cut the amount of oil almost in half.  Use brown sugar instead of white granulated, and at least double the cinnamon.  If you use nuts, toast them first.  Then here is the big trick—put all that grated zucchini in a dish towel and squeeze as hard as you can over a sink.  You will get anywhere from ½ to 1 cup of water out of that squash.  No wonder the loaf was flavorless. It was literally washed out.
            Now you will have a lighter loaf that is still plenty moist and actually has some flavor instead of that compact brick that hardly rises above the top of the pan.  In fact, you won’t mind serving this one to guests, and they won’t run away and hide when you mention it either.
            Modern organized religion has suffered the same fate as that old zucchini bread recipe.  It is literally washed out from all the additions men have made.  Just as schools are now expected to teach the things that parents should teach at home, churches are expected to right the social injustices in this world and support every worthy cause in manpower and money.  You can read the New Testament from Matthew to Revelation and never find half the things found in a modern denomination.  But then these are the same people who, like the Jews of Jesus’ day, expect a physical kingdom on this earth.  They’ve stopped hoping for Heaven and settled for a poor imitation on this earth.
            My kingdom is not of this world, Jesus said, John 18:36.  Jeremiah prophesied that no one from the lineage of Jeconiah (the kingly line of Judah through David) would ever sit on the throne reigning in Jerusalem, despite the beliefs of thousands of dispensationalists, Jer 22:31.  The work of the church is not about feeding the hungry—it’s about feeding the soul.  It’s not about making sure everyone has a fair shake in this life—it’s about enduring that injustice and preparing ourselves to be fit for the next life.  Check this out yourself:  churches that are sold on the social gospel no longer preach much about heaven.  To them this life is what matters and that’s why they are so hung up on it.  That’s why their religion is so waterlogged with extraneous rituals and activities.  That’s why so many of the “un-churched” are turned off by the dense brick of bread they are handed instead of the bread of life.
            Get out your Bibles and examine your church against the one in the New Testament.  Look through Acts and see how they converted sinners.  Here’s a hint:  it wasn’t with soup kitchens and Wednesday night potlucks.  Now look through the epistles and see the work they did.  It had nothing to do with gymnasiums and playgrounds.  See what they did when they met together for a formal group worship.  It wasn’t about entertainment.  Now maybe you can see the difference between an oily sodden brick of bread and a light flavorful loaf that actually appeals to the appetite.
            But then maybe it’s your appetite that is the problem in the first place. 
 
Jesus answered them and said, Verily, verily, I say unto you, You seek me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate of the loaves, and were filled.  Work not for the food which perishes, but for the food which abides unto eternal life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him the Father, even God, hath sealed, John 6:26-27.
 
Dene Ward
 

I am sure every mother has heard the above sentence, yelled in an outraged voice as her children play together.  And if she doesn't go in right then, eventually one outraged child will run to tell her that big brother or sister has tried to tell them what to do as if s/he were the parent.  I guess it's normal, because it happened with adults in the Bible more than once.  It has even happened with non-humans.
            We all have a place of authority in our own little world.  Even those who have no family have their own authority to make their own decisions.  Once family does enter into the equation there is the husband/wife dynamic and the parent/child dynamic.  Out in the world there may be an employer/employee relationship and there is always the citizen/government issue.  And ultimately, all of us are under the authority of God who gives all other kinds of authority to others.  But that is the issue here today—the authority given has a realm which must not be violated.
            And the angels who did not stay within their own position of authority, but left their proper dwelling, he has kept in eternal chains under gloomy darkness until the judgment of the great day (Jude 1:6).  Here are the non-humans I mentioned before.  These angels somehow left their "position of authority."  How, we are not told, but the seriousness of this error is seen in their punishment.
            We have another example in King Uzziah.  But when he was strong, he grew proud, to his destruction. For he was unfaithful to the LORD his God and entered the temple of the LORD to burn incense on the altar of incense. But Azariah the priest went in after him, with eighty priests of the LORD who were men of valor, and they withstood King Uzziah and said to him, “It is not for you, Uzziah, to burn incense to the LORD, but for the priests, the sons of Aaron, who are consecrated to burn incense. Go out of the sanctuary, for you have done wrong, and it will bring you no honor from the LORD God.” Then Uzziah was angry. Now he had a censer in his hand to burn incense, and when he became angry with the priests, leprosy broke out on his forehead in the presence of the priests in the house of the LORD, by the altar of incense. And Azariah the chief priest and all the priests looked at him, and behold, he was leprous in his forehead! And they rushed him out quickly, and he himself hurried to go out, because the LORD had struck him. And King Uzziah was a leper to the day of his death, and being a leper lived in a separate house, for he was excluded from the house of the LORD…(2Chr 26:16-21).  Even kings, we are meant to understand have a position of authority they must not exceed.  No one was allowed to burn incense but a priest and that did not change because the King wanted it to.
            In the New Testament Peter tells elders that they are to "shepherd the flock that is among them."  When a group of elders decides to butt into the business of another congregation of God's people and tell them what to do, they have "left their position of authority," and they should beware.  The consequences will not be pleasant.
            And that leads me to Miriam.  Miriam was given a leadership role among the Israelites.   For I brought you up from the land of Egypt and redeemed you from the house of slavery, and I sent before you Moses, Aaron, and Miriam (Mic 6:4).
            We are not sure exactly what Miriam did during the forty years.  We do know that in the beginning, right after crossing the Red Sea, she led the women in worship.  For Micah to place her with Moses and Aaron as one of the three who were sent to lead, I think it is a fair judgment that Miriam continued in that role.  However, a little over a year after the Red Sea crossing, Miriam became dissatisfied with her God-given role and sought to be on a plane with Moses.  She pulled Aaron into it for support, but the punishment—leprosy--and the original Hebrew (I am told) make it plain that this was all her doing.  Once again, we have someone leaving their position of authority, even complaining that the position God gave her was not good enough.  God's summons, reprimand, and punishment put her back into her place.  To her credit, she seems to have taken up her position once again after her punishment, this time without fuss.  How else could Micah have described her as he did if she never led the women again in the next 39 years?
            That last example is one we women need to consider.  God has given us a position of authority.  We are one of two parents our children are told to obey, Eph 6:1.  We are to be managers of the home, 1 Tim 5:14.  We teach and admonish as we sing in worship to God, Col 3:16.  We older women teach the younger women, Titus 2:3-6.  We even teach men in a private setting, Acts 18:24-26.  As nearly as I can tell from reading the New Testament, that is the scope of our authority. 
            In our culture, we are encouraged to not only go beyond that scope, but to demand a broader realm, exactly as Miriam did.  Please go back and read the examples above, and please do not leave out the one about the angels who dared to go beyond their place.  That Miriam had a place that long ago and in that society was a gift from God.  She was singularly ungrateful and presumptuous in her attitude.  She was trying to "be the boss" of not only her siblings, but of God.  Don't make the same mistake she did.
 
​Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression (Ps 19:13).
 
Dene Ward

A long time ago when I was a young mother, a wise, older woman made me stop and think with a few words that might have sounded harsh, but which she couched with an attitude of love and concern.  I had not taken a meal to a sick or grieving family for a long time; I had not taught a children’s class for about a year; I had not had anyone in my home for several months; I hadn’t even sent a card or made a phone call for awhile.  I was a busy young mother.  I had laundry to do every day including piles of diapers that never seemed to diminish, meals to fix, a baby to nurse and tend and a toddler to care for and teach, and a home that needed putting in some sort of order if just so we could keep track of where we put things, like the bills that needed paying. 
            Had this woman had the same problems years before when she was a young mother?  I suppose so, but I never even thought about that—all I thought about was my own problems, all the things I needed to do, how tired I was, and how I could not possibly do any of those other things because of the demands of my family and home. 
            She knew all this, but she still asked this simple question.  “What if,” she quietly said, “God decided to help you out by taking away all of your excuses?”
            After a moment of shock, I suddenly saw my children and my home in another light.  Here I was claiming to love them more than anything else, while telling everyone what an obstacle they were in my life, maybe not in words, but certainly in deeds—or lack of them.  Yes, serving my family is also serving God, but isn’t it hypocritical to then turn around and use that service as a reason not to serve others?  The last thing in the world I wanted was for God to take them away from me, and I determined that they would no longer be the excuses I offered for not doing what I could. 
            No, I could not spend hours and hours away from them, nor several hours caring for others directly, but surely I could pick up the phone or write a note when the babies were napping.  Surely I could fix an extra casserole when I made one for my family, and send it with someone else to a home where a mother was too sick to do it and the father was out working all day.  Surely, I could find something I could do.
            I think something else happened to my attitude that day, too.  I was suddenly aware of all the things that needed doing for others, and looking forward to a time when I could, instead of sitting at home, selfishly wondering when I would ever have “me time” again.  My home was where I wanted to be, but I also knew that I wanted to be doing what I could for others, when I could, for as long as I could, just like that kind sister who taught me a lesson with a simple question. 
            What kind of excuses have already come out of our mouths today?  What if God took them away in the blink of an eye so we could do those things we claim to want to do “if only…?”
 
But he said unto him, A certain man made a great supper; and he bade many: and he sent forth his servant at supper time to say to them that were bidden, Come; for things are now ready. And they all with one consent began to make excuse. The first said unto him, I have bought a field, and I must needs go out and see it; I pray have me excused.  And another said, I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to prove them; I pray have me excused. And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come. And the servant came, and told his lord these things. Then the master of the house being angry said to his servant, Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in the poor and maimed and blind and lame... For I say unto you, that none of those men that were bidden shall taste of my supper. Luke 14:16-21,24.
 
Dene Ward

"He knows better than to do that in my house." (A Christian speaking of her husband.)
            This one I heard at a church potluck, and some might say it's not fair to use something spoken in an informal setting, so let me clarify the situation.  Seven or eight of us ladies were standing behind the long table, laden with all the wonderful dishes everyone had brought—from deviled eggs, layered salad, and broccoli salad to ham, fried chicken, lasagna, hash brown casserole, and a pot of pork laden collard greens to pecan, apple, and pumpkin pies, chocolate layer cake, Texas sheet cake, earthquake cake, carrot cake, Italian cream cake, and cheesecake.  As we stood there, having sorted and laid things out in an orderly fashion, people constantly passed in front of us, dipping, scooping, stabbing, and otherwise loading their plates.  We were not exactly alone and out of earshot.  And really, where does formal end and informal begin?  When people can hear what I am saying, I am influencing them whether I want to admit it or not.
            I once asked a class in a different time and place, "What is wrong with that statement?"  Half a dozen voices immediately spoke up with the obvious:  "It's his house too."  While I understand, and teach all the time, that the home is the woman's domain and he has no right to micromanage it (1 Tim 5:14), part of her management is making it a comfortable place that the entire family wants to be at not a photo shoot for House Beautiful.  If he ever strays because he found a woman who simply let him be comfortable instead of worrying about "messing up her house," this wife will carry some of the blame.  These are the kinds of small things that wear on a relationship and can eventually erode it to its bare bones.  Usually they are symptoms of something far more important as well.
            One of those things might be this other issue.  How exactly is this an example of a submissive and respectful attitude toward one's husband?  I say it again and again:  anyone who has trouble with submission has trouble being a Christian at all because Christianity is a religion of submission and service.  How can anyone read that scene in the upper room with the Master washing the servants' feet and not get it?  That statement at the top is simply disrespectful.  Period.
            So let's be careful about our attitudes toward our husband, but also what we say, where we say it, and who is present at the time.  Several younger wives heard that comment, which was made by a wife of several decades.  That afternoon, her light certainly did not shine.  It may even have put a few others completely out.
 
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord…(1Pet 3:3-6).
 
Dene Ward
 

I published my first book of Bible class literature when I was 25 years old.  It has weathered well, but I still rewrote the teachers’ manual just a few years ago, giving this as one of the reasons:  “I have found things I hope no one thinks I still believe.  I really have learned better, I promise!”
            That is embarrassing, but I suppose it would be even more embarrassing if I had not learned better.  That is one problem with writing things down when you are young.  They follow you your whole life.  I worry about the folks who still have that old manual.  What I worry most is that they will have discovered better all by themselves and any influence I may have now will be destroyed because they think I still believe those wrong notions.
            When I was young, I was happy to give advice, too.  I thought I knew every answer because to me everything was cut and dried, black and white, and I was happy to share my vast knowledge.  Unfortunately, my vast inexperience got in the way.  I am no longer eager to give advice.  When someone approaches me asking for some, I instantly send up a prayer, “Lord, please let it be an easy one this time.”  I am willing to help whenever someone needs me, but now I take greater care with my choice of words.  If you are still eager to offer advice, even when it is not asked for, you need to take a step backwards and think awhile.  Realize that God will hold you accountable for the results.
            Nowadays we have something else to worry about—the blogosphere.  I know many who accomplish good things with their web logs, but like anything else we do, we need to be careful.  You never know who will read it, how young they might be, how inexperienced, how ungrounded, how fragile their souls.  Unless you have a foolproof way of limiting access to it, your blog needs to be exactly the way God expects your life to be—a good example that will help and serve, not a poor example that may lead someone astray. 
            Your blog does not come with a built in “tone of voice.”  It does not come with a commentary that spells out exactly what you might mean when something clearly has more than one meaning.  And realize this:  what you perceive as the only possible interpretation of what you have said isn’t!  Your background, culture, and personal baggage make you unable to see in your words alternate interpretations which may be perfectly obvious to others. 
            I have learned all this the hard way.  Not only do I have a blog, but the many words I have written in class literature, devotional books, and periodicals, and the many I have spoken in classes and speaking engagements have sometimes come back to haunt me, though I regularly pray over them, and have others read them first for any problems they might see.  So take this advice, something for once I am happy to share if it will save you from some of the problems I have had—be careful out there.  The world is a smaller place than ever before, and you never know who is listening.
 
Be not many of you teachers, my brethren, knowing that we shall receive heavier judgment, James 3:1.
 
Dene Ward

Today's post is by guest writer, Laurie Moyer.

My Dear Sister in Christ,

I consider you my friend and confidant. There are so many things I can bring to you and I know you will understand me and want to help in my moments of trouble. But as much as I value our friendship, I trust you will understand when I say that another is my best friend. Jesus is the best friend any of us can have, but only second to Him is the friendship I have with my husband. He does not hold that place in my heart because he always understands what I feel. We often think differently and hold varying opinions. Our friendship is a bond of the will to be closer to each other even when it takes effort. We must carry through on the promise we made when we married to forsake all others. That is not just a determination not to let another man come between us, but that no one would occupy his priority in my life.

Most of us think of our fiancé as our friend. We went through a process of getting to know them that will only deepen as your married life continues. You talked about what is important to you and wanted to hear what matters to him. You set goals that align with each other’s. You planned a future of being together and helping each other go to heaven. You must not lose that when you get married. Too often the familiarity of his presence or the little oddities we used to find endearing become less enchanting. It is easy to gravitate toward our female friends to have hobbies independent from our spouse. Girl-time is not wrong, but it can corrode our marriage if it is not limited.

Children have a monopolizing claim on our time, and it is easy to allow their urgent needs to take precedence over the needs of a loving and selfless husband who understands and shares our concern for their welfare. I beg you to fight against allowing this to replace him. Children require our time, but you must make the time to show your husband by your actions that he is important. This can be clarified in simple ways like who gets served first at dinner time, or not allowing children to interrupt your conversations if it is not an emergency. Love your children, but don’t sacrifice your love for your husband. Not even for their sake.

You need to spend time with your man. When you were dating you had many things in common that drew you together. Please be cautious about past times that will pull you apart. Both of you can help this continued bonding process. You can learn to like the things the other has interests in. You can find new activities you both enjoy. Better yet, your family can do bonding things. Camping, board games, reading out loud, and joint activities, are all good ways to have fun as a unit- But we also need to have our “alone time.” You need time to yourself, but also as a couple. A get-away for just the two of you may not be practical on a weekly basis, but make it happen when you can. That is an investment in your closeness and your future. It may just be spending time talking together behind a closed (locked) door. While 1 Corinthians 7 emphasizes the need for physical intimacy between you, the traditional expression of “knowing” a spouse is revealing. Your physical oneness is supposed to teach you about each other in ways that create a link that is like no other relationship. You did not marry just to have children. You married him to be his helper- not a slave who does not interact with the master, but a helper. How can you help him if you don’t know him? How can you know him if you don’t elect to spend time together

Even though men and women are very different in tastes and attitudes I can always spend time with my husband and find things to talk about and enjoyable things to do. I will not replace him with other women because they are more like me. What God has joined together I must not separate.

Your loving friend,
Laurie Moyer

His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved and this is my friend… Song of Solomon 5:16

Laurie Moyer writes on her husband's blog, Doy Moyer's Searching Daily.  This post and others can be found there on the "For the Ladies" page.  You can easily access that blog by clicking on Recommended Sites on the left sidebar.