My grandniece has Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1.  SMA1 is a disease that causes progressive loss of motor neurons, leading to muscle weakness and atrophy.  Type 1 usually shows in babies 6 months and under.  The infants will have difficulty moving, eating, breathing, and swallowing.  They will be unable to lift their heads on their own and unable to sit up on their own.  Most victims of this disease do not survive past age 2 due to respiratory failure.  Abigail has already survived the odds, having turned four this year, but her life is not an easy one.
 
             Abigail must often be rushed to the hospital.  Even a simple cold could be the end.  She recently gave us a fright as she was once again loaded into an ambulance and carted off first to an ER and then a PICU.  Abigail takes it all in stride, and today she is going to teach us a lesson we all need to hear. 

              My niece, Abigail's mother, recently posted the following on Facebook:

             "Abigail's full name is Abigail Andreia (on-DRAY-uh) Saltz.
          [Her father] was very partial to "Abigail," and I...was not. He always wanted purely Biblical names for our children and I told him we could use Abigail IF he could think of a middle name that had three syllables, accent on the second syllable. He stretched his Biblical names rule by choosing a Greek word for her middle name meaning "brave," because it seemed a fitting descriptor for the queen we were naming her after and an admirable quality to live up to.
              Wow. The things you don't know.
            I have told Abigail what her middle name means so many times now that she thinks her *actual name* is Abigail Andreia Brave Saltz. When she has to do something scary she says, 'Gimme a minute. I' takin' away da Andreia and da Saltz so all I have is da Brave. Brave means being still even when you're scared.'
             Today the IV techs marveled at how still she was while putting in her IV.
           And this is what people mean when they say their children teach them far more than they teach their children."

              Abigail has always been the happiest child I have ever known.  I always suspected she was brave—children who have physical difficulties often are because of the things they experience from early on.  Now I know exactly how she does it.  She "takes away" the names that might be in the way so she can make use of the name that counts--Brave.
 
             Can I ask you this morning, what names do you need to take away?  The only name that should count for you is Christian—a child of God, a disciple of Christ.  That name will give you strength when temptations arise.  It will give you peace and contentment when you don't understand.  It will give you courage and steadfastness when trials beset your soul. 

            And why is that?  Because through that name we have life (John 20:31), we have hope (Matt 12:21), we have justification (1 Cor 6:11), we have remission of sins (Acts 10:43) and salvation (Acts 4:12).  We also have absolutely no excuse for failure because the one who wore that name left the example for us to follow, and said it was possible to do so.

              Four year old Abigail knows the power of a name.  Remember the name you wear.  Take away all the others and use that one to be faithful to the end.
 
Let them praise your great and awesome name! Holy is he! (Ps 99:3).

Dene Ward
 

The person who survives life is not the one who uses his misfortunes as an excuse to fail but rather uses his trials as the impetus, and reason, to succeed.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (Jas 1:2-4).

Just as I expected he would, Judah has long since conquered the scooter we gave him for his 5th birthday.  In fact, he wore that one out and is now, at six, on the next size up.  You should see that little guy as he rounds the cul-de-sac again and again, pushing off with his left foot, zooming around parked cars and navigating between the neighbor's trash cans on the edge of the road.  His older brother on his bike can barely keep up. 
 
             No one has to remind him to put on his helmet.  That's a good thing, because he has had his share of spills and the last time we were down, he had a doozy.  We saw him hit the road, but he waved us off as he stood up and lifted the scooter off the road, pushing it all the way to the driveway.  The blood was already pouring, so Granddad took him inside while I stayed with his brother.

              After a few minutes I was told that I was needed.  Granddad could do the cleaning, but Grandma was requested for the bandaging.  When I sat on the floor in front of his dangling leg I got my first good look at that knee.  A half dollar sized piece of skin was completely missing, as if someone had taken a grater and scraped it off, a nearly perfect circle.  Bright red and oozing blood, I knew that it needed some sort of antibiotic and I knew it would hurt.

              I looked up at those big blue eyes brimming with unshed tears, his little lips compressed into a straight line, trembling just a bit as he struggled to keep his composure.  "I will use the spray and blow on it to make it hurt less, okay?"

              "Okay," he managed to squeak out.

              A quick spray and Grandma nearly undid herself blowing as hard and long as she could until the walls around us began to spin.  Then a big bandage that barely covered that skinned spot and we were on to the next one, for the whole top of his foot and leg were scraped and bloody halfway to his knee.  Altogether we used five bandages, but that little guy never uttered a peep.

              "You were a very big boy!" I told him. 

              That seemed to ameliorate the still stinging wounds on his foot and leg.  He gave me a small smile and he was off to play again.  Later that evening when Mommy and Daddy came home, he was proud to show them his boo-boos and even prouder when I told them how brave he had been—"just like a grown up!"

              It must have been a week later before the irony struck me.  We told him how "big" and "brave" and "grown up" he had been.  I am not sure why, because many of the grownups I have seen are perfectly happy to whine and fuss and demand attention from everyone about every little thing that comes along.  Have you looked at Facebook lately?

              Yes, some things do need the concern and care of others.  Some things are so difficult to bear that we might very well topple without someone to lean on.  Those things, which are far worse than a skinned knee, demand our love and help and attention.

               But too many times a relatively minor trial is treated as if it were a life-threatening emergency.  Too often a "skinned knee" is used to judge our brethren as uncaring, or to excuse ourselves from serving.  Exactly what is "big, brave, and grown up" about that?

               Let this sweet little boy, who did his best to be "grown up," teach you what it means to be brave and mature.  Let him remind you that small things like skinned knees happen every day in the life of a Christian.  God expects us to doctor the wounds and then get back up and carry on, to dry the tears and act like an adult.  As a general rule, skinned knees won't kill you.
 
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, (2Cor 4:16-17)
 
Dene Ward

It is a culinary fact that fat tempers acid.  That is why some of the world’s favorite dishes combine a good helping of both.  Melted mozzarella offsets a tomato-y pizza sauce.  A cheese-stuffed calzone is almost unbearably rich without a small bowl of marinara to dip it in.  A homemade pimento cheese sandwich SCREAMS for a homemade dill pickle on the side.  The South’s favorite summer treat, a drippy tomato sandwich on high quality white bread, simply must be slathered with a glop of mayo.  Fat and acid—the perfect combination; it’s why we dip French fries in ketchup and chips in salsa; it’s why the favorite toppings for a hot dog are ketchup, mustard, relish, and chili.  It’s why we put whipped cream on strawberries and why a Key lime pie is just about the perfect dessert.

            Trials, tribulations, sufferings and afflictions are the acid tests for Christians.  No one wants to go through them, yet we all understand that is what makes us stronger, builds up our faith, keeps us able to endure till the end.  All of us would be spiritual wimps without them. 

            What we fail to realize is that God gives us plenty of fat to offset them.  How many blessings can you count in your life today, not even considering the most wonderful one of all, your salvation?  How many good things happened to you just this morning?  Did your car start?  Did you make it to work safely?  Are your children safely ensconced in a safe place?  Do you still have a roof over your head?  Is there food in your refrigerator?  Is the electricity on, the water running and the AC humming away?  Are their flowers blooming in your yard and birds singing in the trees?  Do you have pleasant memories to calm you in the midst of sorrows?  Is there a Bible in your home and are you free to read it whenever you want to?  Did you pray to a Father who loves you more than anything else?  How many more “fat” items can we come up with?  Probably enough to fill even the gigabytes of memory in our computers if we just took the time to think of them.  If you have trouble, just ask a three-year-old—they are pros at this.

            I don’t mean to make light of people’s problems with this little analogy—but then again, maybe I do.  Paul calls them “light afflictions” in 2 Corinthians 4, and he was including persecution to the death in that context.  Compared to the end result, compared to the reward, compared to our Savior’s sufferings so we could have that reward, our trials and tribulations are light indeed.

            So today, if you are in the middle of a struggle, if the acid is burning your soul, look for the fat God gave you to temper it.  Look for everything good in your day, in your life, no matter how small it may seem.  If that doesn’t work, and sometimes it doesn’t, remember the good that will result from your testing, and don’t let it be for nothing.  Don’t let Satan win.  The bigger the tomato, the more mayo God smears on, if you only know where to look.
 
Wherefore we faint not, for though our outer man is decaying, our inward man is renewed day by day.  For this momentary light affliction works for us more and more exceedingly an eternal weight of glory; while we look not at things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal, 2 Cor 4:16-18.
 
Dene Ward

On August 3, 1970, Mairiam Hargrave of Yorkshire, England passed her driving test.  So? you ask.  You passed yours too, I bet, and didn’t even consider it important enough to remember the date.  Why in the world would anyone remember someone else’s?  Because Mairiam passed her test on her fortieth try, that’s why. 
 
             After twenty tries she began to make the papers.  After thirty-seven she made the Guinness Book of World Records.  She kept trying and nine years after her first test, she passed.  And no, her examiner did not just take pity on her—he didn’t know anything about her previous failures until she told him, after he passed her.  This woman spent over $700 taking driving lessons.  Even though she became a laughingstock, she never gave up.

              How easily do we give up?  How many times do we have to fail before we say, “It isn’t worth it?”  If we’re talking about overcoming a sin, I hope we have the endurance of Mrs. Hargrave.  If we’re talking about praying, I hope we ask again and again.  If we’re talking about having a relationship with God, I hope persistence is our middle name.

              Remember the Syrophenician woman whose little girl was ill with a demon (Matt 15:22ff)?  The first time she approached Jesus he never even acknowledged her.  The second time he insulted her.  Yet still she kept coming and soon her great faith was rewarded.

              Remember the parable of the widow who pestered a judge to death until he finally gave her what she wanted (Luke 18:1ff)?  Just to get her off his back he relented.  Jesus’ point is if it works with an unrighteous man, surely it will work with a Holy Father. 

              Remember Paul’s admonition to the Galatians?  They seemed to be wondering if all their labor was worth it.  Paul reminded them of the law of reaping and sowing.  Sooner or later, he said, you will benefit from the good works you do.  Do not grow weary of doing good for in due season we will reap if we do not give up.  Waiting for God’s timetable may well be the most difficult thing He has asked us to do, and the greatest test of our endurance.  Don’t give up.

              The church at Ephesus may have had many faults, but the Lord does say to them, I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary, Rev 2:3.  Can He say that about us?  Or have we given up, whining about the pressures of temptation, not just bent but completely broken from the trials, deciding that being a disciple of Jesus’ simply isn’t worth the bother?

              What if He had decided you weren’t worth it?  What if he had told God that the cost was too high, that you weren’t worth the trouble, the pain, the anguish of taking on a human form and dying a hideous death after the spiritual torture of taking on every person’s sin throughout all history?  What would you say to him if you knew he had been about to quit?  How hard would you have begged him not to?

              Surely you have more grit, more tenacity, and more determination for spiritual things than a 62 year old grandmother had for a driver’s license.  Surely you won’t give up now.
             
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted, Hebrews 12:3.
 
Dene Ward

When I was very small, my favorite song was “Wake Up, Little Susie.”  I am probably dating myself with that admission.  In case you are from a different generation, the song was about a young couple who fell asleep during their movie date, and were afraid of what people might think when they came home several hours late. 
 
             Psalm 103 is David’s version of the song—one he is singing to himself.  Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! ​Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, vv 1-2.  I found it difficult to see that “wake up” admonition, I admit.  But every commentator I checked, five of them, saw it clear as a bell.  One likened it to Psalm 42:5:  Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.  That one is much easier to see.  Why are you so depressed, he asks himself, when you have the salvation offered by God?  Now look again at 103:  Bless the Lord…and forget not his benefits.”

              For isn’t that exactly what we do?  We go along in our ordinary, normal lives, nothing important happens, nothing exciting happens, and we become complacent in our service and even a little despondent in our ordinariness, and forget what God has done for us.  But just think about this morning.  You woke up in your comfortable bed (check) in your comfortable house (check), possibly next to your beloved (check).  You ate a breakfast from a pantry and refrigerator full of possibilities (check).  You stood in front of a closet and chose from among all those clothes what you wanted to wear (check).  You might have gotten in your car (check) and driven to school or work or the store without mishap (check).  How many blessings is that already that you never even noticed?  How many more will you receive the rest of the day, and still not notice?

              “Forget not his benefits!” David reminds himself—and later on the people of Israel, and ultimately us.  Why is it that when something bad happens we will blame God, but never think to give Him credit for all the good we enjoy nearly every single minute of the day?  “Wake up and praise the Lord!”

              And then there is this:  while God gives us brethren to encourage us, David shows us that in the final analysis, we are responsible for our own rousing.  We cannot blame the church, we cannot blame the elders, we cannot blame our families if we fall into hopelessness and despair—it’s my business to see myself clearly, to notice when I need a nudge or a prod or even a kick in the rear.  And after I have awakened, then I will follow David’s example of leadership and wake others too. 

              Which is what this has been, I hope—wake up little Susie, or Joey, or Charlie, or Cathy, or whatever your name may be.  Do not forget the benefits of being God’s child.  Always count your blessings, no matter how trite that may seem.  David did.  He’s not a bad leader to follow.
 
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change, James 1:17.
             
Dene Ward

Chloe, our 12 year old Australian cattle dog, is not stupid.  She is, however, a little bit lazy.  She spends as much of her day as possible lying under the porch in the cool sand.  So several days a week I make sure she gets some exercise.  Keith has mown a path around the property that runs a half to three-quarters of a mile.  Chloe will easily follow me around once just to be with me, but if I try to lead her uphill and down, through thick grass and uneven ground, over armadillo holes and mole tunnels more than twice, she balks.  As soon as we come anywhere near the porch after the second lap, she is under it in a flash in her cool, damp haven.  She has had her fill of "healthy" for the day.
 
             In the summer she may not even last two laps, her tongue hanging nearly to the ground and her breath coming in heavy puffs after just a couple hundred feet, but as I said, she is not stupid.  Part of our jaunt lies in the bright, hot, direct Florida sun, and part in the deep, ten degree cooler shade of hundred year old live oaks.  Every time we hit a sunny spot, my furry redhead's pace picks up to a trot as she jogs through the heat.  When we reach the shade, she slows to a walk—the better to stay longer in the cooler shadows, head wagging back and forth with each heavy step, feet beginning to drag as she sees another sunny spot approaching.  If she finds a fresh hole to investigate or spoor to be sniffed, she will only do so in the shade.  In the sun, it just isn't worth it. 

              Winston Churchill supposedly said, "If you're going through hell, keep going."  (The attribution is an open question.)  Chloe would understand perfectly.  The only way to get out of the heat, out of the bad situation you are in, is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, the faster the better.  But what do I see?  People who lie down in the scorching sun and wallow around in the grass waiting for someone to come and pat them on the head and tell them everything will be fine.  Someone has been listening to too much health and wealth gospel.

               Everything will never be fine until you get up and get going, and then "fine" is still relative.  Life is hard.  That is what those curses in Genesis are all about.  "Thorns and thistles" is not about trying to grow a garden, it's about living a life of uncertainty, trials, illness, loss, pain, and suffering.  It happens to everyone, not just you.  If you went around the room and asked people to share, you would find that everyone is dealing with something.  The only way to handle it is to keep going until you reach some shade, even if only for a while. 

              If you need help to get out of the heat, get it.  Counselors and support groups should not be forbidden to Christians.  Find someone who has firsthand experience.  No one knows what you are going through like others who have been through the same things.  No "best friend" can help you like someone who has been trained to.  You are not being strong when you refuse this kind of assistance—you are simply making everyone who loves you suffer, too, by your stubbornness.  It's one thing to stumble and fall as you stagger through the scorching heat of affliction, and need a hand up; it's quite another to simply sit down in it and wallow like a pig in the mud.

              If a little dog knows better than to flounder in the heat, surely you should.  Get yourself up and walk—trot even--into the shade.  What will you find there?  Your brethren, a Savior who gave himself up for you in a truly horrible fashion, and God who allowed it for your sake, who listens to your cries, and who has promised that someday there will be no more scorching heat of suffering, just the cool, and Eternal shade of comfort and ease with Him.  But you will never reach it unless you keep on going.
 
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2Cor 4:16-18)
 
Dene Ward

My grandsons love playing in the park.  Their city yard is postage stamp small without room for two active boys to run around much, so they enjoy a place with swings, slides, jungle gyms and seesaws. 
 
             Seesaws may be fun at the playground, but they are not God’s idea of ideal service.  Yes, we may falter once in awhile.  Many passages speak of faith in flux, but as we mature in that faith, the flux should become smaller and smaller.  David speaks of the opposite of a seesaw faith, even when he is running for his life in Psalm 57:7.  “My heart is steadfast, O God,” or, in several other versions, “My heart is fixed.”  In a time of fear when others would have wavered, David is able to keep his faith in God steady. 

              So the question is, how do we avoid the seesaws in life?  First, let’s make it clear—you can’t avoid the park altogether.  I hear people talking about life as if it is always supposed to be fun, always easy, and always good, and something is wrong when anything bad happens.  Nonsense.  We live on an earth that has been cursed because of man’s sin.  When God curses something, he does a bang-up job of it.  To think we would still be living in something resembling Eden is ridiculous. 

              We are all dying from the moment we are born.  Some of us just manage to hang on longer than others.  Some of us catch diseases because they are out there due to sin and Satan.  Some of us are injured.  Some of us have disabilities.  Some of us are never able to lead a normal life.  It has nothing to do with God being mean, or not loving us, or not paying attention to us one way or the other, and everything to do with being alive.  Everyone receives bad news once in awhile—it isn’t out of the ordinary.  Everyone experiences moments of fear and doubt.  We all go through trials.  But just because you are in the park, doesn’t mean you have to get on the seesaw.

              We must have a steadfast faith no matter what happens to us.  “The Lord is faithful; He will establish you…” 2 Thes 3:3.  Our hearts can be “established by grace,” Heb 13:9.  But those things are nebulous, nothing we can really lay our hands on in our daily struggles.  Am I supposed to just think real hard about God and grace and somehow get stronger?  Yes, it will help, but God knows we are tethered to this life through tangible things and He gives us plenty of that sort of help as well, help we sometimes do not want to recognize because of the responsibility it places upon us to act. 

              We must be willing to be guided to that steadfastness by faithful leaders, 2 Thes 3:3-5.  We must be willing to obey God’s law, James 1:22-24, and live a life of righteousness, Psa 112:6, before steadfastness makes an appearance.  We must become a part of God’s people and associate with them as much as possible, Heb 10:19-25.  We must study the lives of those who have gone before and imitate their steadfastness, laying aside sin if we hope to endure as they did, Heb 12:1-2.  Every one of those things will keep us off the seesaw.

              Yeah, right, the world says--to change one’s life and become part of God’s people, the church—for some reason those are the very things they will laugh to scorn.  And we fall for what they preach--a Jesus who “loves me as I am” without demanding any change, and divides His body from His being, labeling it a manmade placeholder for the true kingdom to come.  “I can have a relationship with God without having a relationship with anyone else,” we say, and promptly climb aboard the seesaw, Satan laughing gleefully at us from the other end.  Guess what?  That’s who we are having a relationship with.

              Get off the seesaw now before he has you sitting so high up on it, your legs dangling beneath you, that you are unable to reach the grounding your faith needs.  You may still have moments of weakness and doubt, but those things will grow less and less if you make use of the help God has given you.  You can have a steadfast faith, even if it finds you hiding in a cave from your enemies.  “My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast…For your steadfast love is great to the heavens; your faithfulness to the clouds.”  Psa 57:7,10
 
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58.
 
Dene Ward

Today's post is by Keith Ward, part 2 of last month's topic.
 
Though it is clear that demons no longer inhabit and control people as they did in New Testament times, that does not mean that demons are no longer active.
 
I am often frustrated and sometimes get sinfully angry because things are "out to get me."  Many times, things have happened to ruin a project or a chore in such an unlikely way as to make winning the lottery a sure thing.  A few times, things have gone wrong in ways that clearly violated the laws of physics.  No.  Really!
 
Sounds like paranoia right? But, that does not mean it is not happening.  Consider Job.  Satan said to God, "Bet you I can make him sin." God replied, "No you can't; go to it." Now, we know the story of Job losing everything by natural (?) means in a series of events so improbable that we would hoot and throw popcorn if it were in a movie instead of the Bible.
 
Peter warns, "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert.  Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour" (1Pet 5:8).   Do we not realize that just like he did with Job, Satan is using natural means to destroy us? We hit all the lights green when we have time to spare, and red when we are running late.  The opportunity for pornography, or alcohol, or theft, or slander or….arises when it seems impossible for us to be caught.  Who do you think makes these things happen? That teaching that makes something we want to do seem so right entices us because "even Satan fashions himself into an angel of light.  It is no great thing therefore if his ministers also fashion themselves as ministers of righteousness, whose end shall be according to their works."  (2Cor 11:14-15). 
 
Demons, agents of Satan, are everywhere working to destroy our walk and turn our claim to be Christians into a mockery.  Sometimes things do "fall up." Sometimes we do believe something we want to be true in spite of unclear logic supporting it.  Whatever it takes, that evil one will do in hopes of destroying us.  Beware!
 
Physical ailments can be "messenger(s) of Satan to buffet" us (2Cor 12:7).
Our best and noblest plans can be hindered by Satan (1Thess 2:18).
Evil men arise to power in the world "according to the working of Satan" (2Thess 2:9).
 
It helps me to deal with my weaknesses to realize that things do not just "happen to happen." Satan is out to get me.  God so warned.  I am not a victim of circumstances.  I am the target of evil trying to destroy me.  My faith is challenged and rises up to defend my soul when I know I am in a warfare and deadly missiles are being aimed at me.  I hope this will help you do the same.
 
Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his might.Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world-rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places (Eph 6:10-12).
 
Keith Ward

If you have followed this blog from the beginning, you may think we have lived an exciting life, and I suppose it has had more than its share of odd events.  But really, we have not experienced much more than the usual instances of tragedy or lesser problems that occur in everyone's life.  And because of that, I have learned—the hard way, I will admit—to keep quiet when disaster hits someone, and just offer my presence, my service, and my love if I truly have not experienced what they going through at the time. 

              But this subject I can speak to because of personal experience, and have finally decided to because there are not only few of us out there, but the way our justice system works, the things you would most like to do are exactly the things you cannot do without causing the victim more problems than they already face.  Some things will depend upon the type of violence they have endured, but many things are common to them all.  So here is my list of things to remember when someone you know has been the victim of a violent crime.

              Do not go to them asking questions about what happened.  In our justice system, the perpetrator is still just an "alleged" criminal, and the victim will actually be under investigation, too.  When law enforcement finds out he has talked to you, you will be on their list of people to question because they will assume that, as a close friend, the person claiming to be the victim will have been more open with you and may have actually said something incriminating.
              And the irony is that yes, that victim will not only want to talk, he will need to talk.  The adrenaline rush of his fight-or-flight instinct will turn him into a veritable chatterbox, and the professional investigators know that.  That is why they called my home at 1:30 a.m. trying to set up an interview—right then.  Having a husband in the system meant that we had already contacted an attorney and he had told us to tell them no, not without him present.  We did and they left us alone until we could make an appointment with attorney in tow.  But now, who to talk to?

              If you are a preacher, be ready to be an ear—and a shoulder.  The system recognizes preachers as "counselors," and their communication with the victim is thus, privileged information.  And you need to be there for that victim and also his family.  (There are some exceptions to this, so educate yourself before approaching the victim.)  The worst thing about that first week and even the months to follow was having no one to talk to, and I desperately needed to talk.  Once the imminent crisis was past, I needed to let everything out that I had been holding in for the sake of propriety, the media, and my children.  I needed a good cry, and there was no one to give me that.  You are just about the only one who can.

              The crisis is likely to continue for a long time.  Don't forget to check on the victim at every stage.  For us, it was thirteen months until the criminal finally pled out and was sentenced to prison.  During all that time, there were depositions, hearings, pain management and physical therapy appointments, and yes, even more investigations because while law enforcement may clear you in just a day or two, others, like your employer or even the community, may not.  Be aware of what is going on and the stresses on the victim and his family.  The night before the trial was to begin, when we had asked the church for prayers because everyone knew the only defense was to try to assassinate my husband's character, a brother decided it was the perfect time to bring up some nitpicky little grievance he had, and lambaste him over the phone.  That was the last thing we needed. 

              Do not make fun of the fall-out.  The direct result of being a victim is fear, sometimes irrational fear.  The victim will see a boogie-man behind every face in a parking lot.  He will think every car is following him.  He will want protection at hand every minute of the day.  No matter how much better you think you would handle it, I can guarantee you that you would have a fear unlike any you have ever felt in your life, and you would most likely do the same, or similar, things.  Terror will change you, and it may never go away.  Do not ever laugh, tease, or make a derisive comment about it, something men are especially bad about.  Be understanding and supportive in all of your comments and actions, and be aware that even though the legal and medical processes may be over, the fall-out may last forever.

              Encourage your friend to seek counseling for at least a short time.  In our case it was offered free by the department, but we did not realize how much help it would be.  Tell your friend, "You are not a weak Christian to accept help.  There is nothing wrong with you if you need it.  What has happened is a life-changing event with, as mentioned above, some serious consequences.  Take the help where you can."  And as a friend, do not make any negative comments about their need for it.

              I will not pretend that this takes care of all the problems victims will face, but I hope it will help them by helping those who love them to know better what they need and a few things they can do about it.  I wish we had had this help.
 
…encourage the fainthearted, support the weak, be patient toward all. (1Thess 5:14)
 
Dene Ward