It was almost amusing when it happened. 
            Many years ago at one of the congregations where Keith preached, one of the older men made it a point to say to him, “I know you are a hard worker.  But you still have small children at home.  You need to make sure you spend time with them.” 
            We appreciated that.  Keith was a hard worker, spending at least 30 hours a week with the Word, just as Paul told Timothy and Titus they needed to be doing as young evangelists, plus the four hours preaching and teaching in the assembly every week, and then holding Bible studies, usually in the evenings, with interested people, or looking for more interested folks as he passed out flyers and meeting announcements, sent out and graded correspondence courses, and wrote articles in the local paper.  I often met him at the local pond loaded down with old towels and blankets, especially in the winter, for a baptism.  He seldom worked less than 60 hours a week.
            Yet not long afterward, the same man’s wife came up to him and scolded him because he had missed putting an article in the paper the week we moved from one house to another.  Everything else was done, but something had to give that week, and he preferred that one article not be written rather than his boys not have time with their father.
            I fear too many churches are more like the wife of that couple than the husband.  Especially if a man is supported mainly by other churches, the pressure is felt, even if it isn’t applied.  Then there are the men who do not even need that pressure to avoid their obligations at home, using the same excuse.  Here is what Jesus had to say about that. 
            And he said to them, "You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition! For Moses said, 'Honor your father and your mother'; and, 'Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.' But you say, 'If a man tells his father or his mother, "Whatever you would have gained from me is Corban"' (that is, given to God)-- then you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or mother, thus making void the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And many such things you do."  Mark 7:9-13.
            Those people got out of their financial obligations to their elderly parents by claiming their money was “given to God,” whether or not it ever actually made it to the Temple coffers! 
            “And many such things you do,” Jesus tacked on the end of that. .”  As long as you can say you are using it for God, whatever “it” is, you don’t have to give it to anyone else.  Tell me that saying your time is given to God (Corban) so it’s all right if you don’t spend enough of it with your children to teach them basic skills of life, to discuss the Word of God “when you walk and talk,” to just listen to their childish concerns and give them the fatherly wisdom they crave, or enough time to nurture your relationship with the wife whom you have come to take for granted, aren’t “such things."
            I have seen old pioneer preachers lauded for sacrificing their family lives to go off for months at a time to preach the gospel.  I am not sure the Lord would have been among their admirers.  If they were single, fine, but choosing to have a family places other obligations on you.  Isn’t that what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7?  I would rather you be like me (single) so you do not have the obligations that having a family puts on you, duties which God does expect you to fulfill.  Paul certainly didn’t say those obligations were negated by spiritual things.
            Churches need to look at their preachers’ schedules for this reason:  see if he is raising his children; see if he is spending time with his wife.  The Lord made a family with both a mother and a father present in the home.  He made the woman to be a help not a substitute father.  Jesus said, “Don’t blame what you do for God as the reason you neglect your family obligations.”  He says you make void the Word of God when you do that.  Churches, do you want to be a party, or perhaps the main cause, for a man to make void the Word of God?
            And we can also say this applies to anyone who hides behind “spiritual things” to avoid his family responsibilities—he is calling his family, “Corban.”
            We call the argument about “quality time” between working mothers and their children a “myth.”  Quality time can only happen when a quantity of time is being spent.  What applies to mothers, certainly applies to fathers too.  Jesus seems to agree.
  
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4.  Read that without the parenthetical statement—just the underlined words.
 
Dene Ward

     Perhaps because I am no longer parenting, I am a latecomer to this "soft parenting" concept.  I first heard of it from a friend who lives far away.  Evidently, the majority of parents in her congregation are raising their children this way.  As a Bible class teacher, she is not impressed.  Seems they need a second or even third teacher for "crowd control," and sometimes the entire class is spent just asking the children to sit down and listen.  Even if they get the majority to do so, one or two of the others do their best to disrupt class so that the others cannot learn.  So I decided to do a little research into this "new" approach to parenting.  I have read half a dozen or more articles, both pro and con, and even a couple that say "Maybe."  But how about we compare this method to the Bible's directions on parenting?  There are many plans in a person’s mind, but it is the counsel of the LORD that will stand  Prov 19:21. 
     In the first case, I could not find that term in more than one article.  Most of the others used the term "gentle" parenting.  From the list of dos and don'ts (funny how the parents were given a list when it was verboten to give the children such a list), I did not really see much difference in the two. 
     First, let me just say that I highly resent the description.  Why?  What is the opposite of gentle or soft?  Hard, intimidating, authoritative, whatever you come up with is an implicit judgment against the ones who do not follow this new method.  I believe I was at least a fair mother, gentle when needed, strong and firm when needed.  Yes, I made some mistakes; I can make you a list if you want.  All parents make mistakes.  We are not perfect.  Funny how the ones I read about who want to criticize their parents, cannot for the life of themselves figure out any mistakes they have made.  Something wrong with that mentality, I think.  Let him who is without sin cast the first stone, John 8:7.
     Second, "Gentle Parenting was not hammered out and defined by child development specialists, but by social media influencers" (FamilyMan.movember.com—I could not find an author, only the psychologists who reviewed it).  "It hasn't gone through the same kind of testing and study as some of the more widely known approaches to parenting."  If you don't have a problem with that, perhaps you should think twice about your judgment on anything else as well.   If you truly want sound advice, look for a Christian couple who have successfully raised a family, not some nobody on social media who may or may not even believe in God.
     One of the problems with this method is "it can cause parents stress and frustration" (Dr Cara Goodwin in separate articles.}  It can be completely impractical.  In every case of misbehavior the parent is to focus on the child and his assessment of why he did a particular thing.  And in every hypothetical example of how to do this, the child always acquiesces.  I'm sorry, but let's talk about real children and real situations and reactions.  Suppose your child decides he does not want to wear socks today, but the school insists on it, perhaps as part of a school uniform.  Do you really have time, early in the morning when everyone is preparing to go out for the day, to discuss this with him, trying to show him that it is reasonable, and gain his approval?  And if you do, what if he still does not want to wear his socks?  Sometimes you obey the rules "just because."  I doubt the police officer who writes you a ticket will stand there and try to gain your acceptance in the matter.  You can discuss when you can, but you will not always be able to, and when it comes down to brass tacks, he has to wear the socks if he attends that school whether he likes it or not.  Every child needs to learn that concept or he will be in trouble big time someday.
     Another problem with this method is that you may actually be rewarding bad behavior.  Every time he screams or hits his brother or plays with the china figurine you told him to be gentle with, you are giving him the attention he wants.  What does he learn?  If I want Mama, just do something she doesn't like.  You have reinforced that idea again and again.
      Gentle parenting can easily become permissive parenting, which can be harmful to the child in the long run.  One study (a real study now) showed that preschoolers that were raised with permissive parenting had less self-control and independence as teenagers (Also Dr Goodwin).
     Gentle parenting can create a kid-centric family.  While that may not sound bad, it really makes no sense at all.  (See earlier post on April 25, 2025.)  The marriage is the foundation of any home, and the adults are the ones who should be making the decisions and leading the way.  They are the ones who are mature, experienced in life, and wiser certainly than any two—or ten--year old ever was.  Yet too often this method means the kids run the house and the parents are afraid of their reaction when they must make a decision the children won't like.  This is backwards, another caution issued by Dr. Goodwin. 
            This method talks about being "partners" with the child in his upbringing.  No, we are not partners, which implies equality in knowledge, authority, and ability.  God very specifically gave two roles here—parent and child (Eph 6:1ff, among many, many others).  Children need the security of a person they know can and will provide and protect, as well as train.  He needs to know that there is someone far more able than he is to take care of his problems and needs.  Partner does not imply that, and neither does "friend."
     And maybe the worst thing is that gentle parenting treats the child as an isolated unit, outside the context of family or community, meaning with no concern for how their behavior affects others. Let me camp here for a while.  In the first place, the impracticality shows up again.  Suppose your child smacks his brother in the head with one of their toys.  Now you have a hurt child who is bleeding all over the place (scalp wounds are the worst) and a child who caused the hurt that you are now supposed to stop and discuss things with?  How did you feel when you hit your brother?  What do you think caused you to do this?  How can we keep this from happening again?  Meanwhile, your other child, who deserves all of your attention at the moment, is left hurting and ignored, has blood running into his eyes, and wonders, "What about me?"  None of us is an "isolated unit."  We all have some sort of community we interact with, even if it is just a small group of friends at school or kids in the neighborhood.  A servant of the Lord is always concerned with how his behavior affects others.  If nothing else, it's simple good manners, something else this method seems to ignore.
     This is where I have the gravest doubts.  How is this child supposed to learn self-control, self-denial, and putting the needs of others before himself, even his enemies, as Jesus taught?  Or do these parents think that somehow all of this can wait until the child is grown?  Really?  I think I remember having "the golden rule" printed on my school ruler as a child.  Everyone knew you learned these things as children so it would be ingrained by adulthood.
     You aren't supposed to say no, this method says.  God didn't have that problem.  He put one big no-no right in the middle of the perfect place to live, Eden, and he said, "Do not eat of it or you will die."  Another time, in the space of 17 verses he said some version of "no" eleven times (Ex 20:1-17).  When their children heard the law, what do you think they heard but restriction after restriction?  Yet God said, When your children ask you later on, What are the stipulations, statutes, and ordinances that the LORD our God commanded you?  Deut 6:20, it was to be a teaching opportunity, not something that caused them anxiety.  In fact, nearly every psychologist I have read says that children do best when they have clear cut boundaries.  It may seem like restraint from one side, but from the other it represents security.  Children with security (and routine, I might add) always do better. Of course we want to praise and encourage our children and not be constantly criticizing them.  But just as certainly, God did not think it would ruin their spirits or stunt their emotional development to tell them no once in a while.
     Two of God's servants turned out to be horrible fathers.  God told them exactly what they did wrong when raising their children. 
       But the sons of Eli were wicked men. They did not acknowledge the LORD’s authority… Also, before they burned the fat the priest’s attendant would come and say to the person who was making the sacrifice, Give some meat for the priest to roast! He won’t accept boiled meat from you, but only raw.   If the individual said to him, They should certainly burn the fat away first, then take for yourself whatever you wish, then he would say, No! Give it now! If not, I’ll take it by force!  The sin of these young men was very great in the LORD’s sight, for they treated the LORD’s offering with contempt 1 Sam2: 12, 15-17.  Eli tried to stop them when he heard what they were doing, but it was too late.  What did God say about their father? He restrained them not 1 Sam 3:13.  He didn't say, "No," when they were young, so when he tried with his now adult sons, they wouldn't listen.  He didn't raise them to know that they could not do whatever they wanted to do, and since that was exactly what God meant for him to do as a father, his whole family lost the priesthood, 1 Sam 2:27-30, and he and his sons died. 
     David did much the same thing with Adonijah.  Even though God had chosen Solomon to be the next king after David, Adonijah would have none of it.  He rebelled, and even after Solomon showed him mercy and let him live, he wouldn't stop.  He thought if he approached his kingship through the back door, he could finagle his way in.  So he asked for Abishag, David's last concubine.  Anyone schooled in the culture knows that a claim on the king's wife is a claim on the throne, and so he was dealt with accordingly--executed.  And the problem once again began in childhood.  Now his father had never corrected him saying, Why do you do such things? 1 Kgs 1:6. 
     Do not think for a minute that what they are learning now as they manipulate you (yes, they know how) that they will turn out to be wonderful servants of the Lord.  Train up a child in the way he should go, the Proverb writer says.  What you are teaching now is the way they will go when they grow up.  If they are never restrained, if they never learn about authority, if they never learn concern for others, if they never learn plain old good manners, how can they ever understand what faces them in real life—that you don't always get what you want?  In fact, the world doesn't care what they want.  That will be far more traumatic to them then than a "No!" now.  Not to mention the more important spiritual results.  My husband, the probation officer, met far too many of them across the table from him, young people who grew up thinking they could do whatever they wanted to do because they always had, and found out the hard way that was not true.
 
Think of him who endured such opposition against himself by sinners, so that you may not grow weary in your souls and give up.  You have not yet resisted to the point of bloodshed in your struggle against sin.  And have you forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as sons? My son, do not scorn the Lord’s discipline or give up when he corrects you.  For the Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son he accepts. Endure your suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline?  But if you do not experience discipline, something all sons have shared in, then you are illegitimate and are not sons.  Besides, we have experienced discipline from our earthly fathers and we respected them; shall we not submit ourselves all the more to the Father of spirits and receive life?  For they disciplined us for a little while as seemed good to them, but he does so for our benefit, that we may share his holiness.  Now all discipline seems painful at the time, not joyful. But later it produces the fruit of peace and righteousness for those trained by it Heb 12:3-11.
 
Dene Ward

Several years ago a young woman came to me for some advice.  She had been dating a young man whom she thought she really liked but something happened and she wondered if it was a red flag or if she was overreacting to a trivial thing that would not matter in their future relationship.  It seems that he was getting seriously interested as well and thought she should come meet his family.  On the way he received a text from his sister.  "Be careful.  Dad is home early and he is not happy."  She decided it was not fair to make a judgment on a secondhand piece of information, even though her young man had suddenly become quiet and a bit withdrawn.  When she arrived at his family's home, he was met at the door by his mother, who whispered into his ear before welcoming his girlfriend.  Everyone seemed subdued, talking quietly and stopping to peer over their shoulders every so often.  Finally, at dinner, all of them sat down together and the father was definitely not in a good mood, did not welcome her, and spent his time either eating in silence or questioning the mother about her activities for the day.  Interrogating, the young lady said, was a more accurate a word.
            What did I tell her?  That her instincts were probably correct.  If this is the way the young man learned headship, things would more than likely be difficult.  She did not want to give him up initially, but soon he came to her home to meet her family and was shocked at the lively conversation around the meal, the joking between both parents and between parents and children, and the general pleasantness and playfulness.  "Is your family always like this?" he asked.  I felt sorry for the young man at that, and so did she, but before many more weeks had passed, she was receiving phone calls from him wanting to know every detail of her day, including everything she ate and drank, and giving her instructions about what she should and should not eat!  At that point, it was over.  I breathed a sigh of relief.
            The manner of a father whose appearance at home caused fear in the entire family so that they are sending quick messages to "Be careful," reminded me of that old saying I have heard so many times.  "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."  I'm sorry, but that is nothing to brag about.  In fact, I would be ashamed to have someone say it about me.  To even think that my bad moods should effect the people I love is completely opposite of the admonitions to encourage, lift up, and make glad.  This is not the manner of ordained headship and it certainly isn't love.
            All the way back to the beginning, God has warned against bad moods.  He told Cain, Why are you wroth? and why is your countenance fallen? If you do well, shall it not be lifted up? and if you do not well, sin couches at the door: and unto you shall be its desire; but you rule over it.  Cain was in a very bad mood.  Why? Because God had not accepted his sacrifice.  God told him that being in a bad mood was one of the most dangerous things that could happen to him.  Do better, He said, and your mood will be better as well.  A bad mood puts you in a dangerous place, a place where sin will rule over you instead of your ruling over it.  Sure enough, Cain fell prey to Satan because of his bad mood, his "fallen countenance."  It led him to unjust anger and then to murder.
            When we allow our bad moods to not only fester within us, but also to cause fear and distress to others, we are sinning.  Period!  Proverbs warns us that we can tear our homes apart with our own hands (Prov 14:1).  Surely the same thing applies to one filled with the poison of a bad mood, and it usually shows itself in the words that come from such a person.  Hear, for I will speak excellent things; And the opening of my lips shall be right things. For my mouth shall utter truth; And wickedness is an abomination to my lips. All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; There is nothing crooked or perverse in them.  Does any of that sound like a Mama—or Daddy--in a bad mood?  God expects us to control our moods.  
            If Mama ain't happy (or Daddy), she had better get herself together and exercise some self-control just as God instructed Cain.  No one should be afraid to walk into my house any time of any day.
 
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable; But the mouth of the wicked speaks perverseness,  Prov 10:32.
 
Dene Ward
 

Too many couples make this one sad mistake.  Things might seem to be going along smoothly, but finally, one day they will realize what they did wrong, and what they have lost in the process, and it might be too late to get it back.
            I remember exactly what we were doing.  We were on the way home, my mother driving while my sister and I sat in the backseat.  She pulled into the left turn lane on 56th Street and as we sat there waiting for the traffic to clear so we could head home, she said, "Girls.  You know I love you both very much.  You are my sweet girls, and I am so proud of you.  But you also need to know this one important thing:  your Daddy will always be first to me.  It doesn't mean I don't love you.  It just means he is the most important part of my life and that's the way it's supposed to be. Okay?"
            I was a young teenager at the time, no more than 14, and my sister about 10.  Somehow, probably her voice and demeanor—in spite of the fact that she was driving—told me that this was important and I should remember it.  Here I am over five decades later and now I know.  Yes, it was important, and it was important for us to hear it because within six years I had a husband and I needed to make certain that no matter how much I loved my children—and I was a fierce mother, let me tell you—I needed to know that he must come first. 
            The marriage must be the center of the family, not the children, for so many reasons.  First, one of these days those children will fly the nest.  In fact, that is a parent's job—to make sure they do, and that they know how to.  What happens when they are all gone if you have neglected your marriage?  You find yourself married to a stranger.  I have seen marriages disintegrate at that stage for exactly that reason.  "We have grown apart."  Nonsense—you just neglected your relationship.  Marriage is high maintenance.  If you do not take care of it, it will die.
            Second, you are supposed to be showing your children how to run a home, and that means showing them a strong marriage at its center.  This is how to keep the relationship alive in spite of growing responsibilities and the stresses of life.  You rely on one another and you support one another.  If she has a down time, he lifts her up.  When he has trials and struggles, she is there to help him.  When you show them these things, you insure that their own marriages will work better.
            Third, the children need to learn early on that they are not the center of the universe.  No one else will treat them that way, so if you do, you are setting them up for a hard fall.  Their teachers, their bosses, even their friends (if they have any) will not treat them that way.  It will be a very hard lesson to learn.  I have seen fathers give up a chance for a promotion because their children did not want to move away from their friends.  I have seen mothers nearly run the family bankrupt trying to get everything a child thinks s/he simply "must" have.  Here's a clue:  no one likes entitled, ungrateful people.  If you want your children to grow into good and kind people, do not let them run your home.  It will cause a disaster sooner or later.  Teach them, instead, how to be part of a loving group that works together for the good of all.          
            And then there is this simple fact.  The marriage is the center of the home because it is the foundation of it all.  If the marriage is stable, no matter how catastrophic the ordeal the family is going through, it is far more likely to survive.  Your children should know that they always have you to look up to when things get tough.  That you will show them how to get through hard times.  They need to see the two of you leaning on one another, while at the same time welcoming them into your sheltering, but tightly clasped together, arms. 
            My mother was right.  Yet, even though I knew my Daddy came first with her, I never doubted that she loved me.  Your children need to know that too.
 
And Jehovah God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof:  and the rib, which Jehovah God had taken from the man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.  And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh, Gen 2:21-24.
 
Dene Ward

Today's post is by guest writer Joanne Beckley.

There are no original thoughts in the following bits of wisdom that I accumulated through the years. Yes, you may even have been one of the wise ones from whom I listened and learned!

Specifically for Mom
Tit 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, . . . teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

1. When you are tired or angry, shut your mouth. Everything is colored and wisdom is not present.
2. Listen! Whether it is wise counsel from husband, friends or, yes, even your child.
3. Adapt, adapt, adapt. Life does not revolve around your desired special bed of roses.
4. Go to bed with a tomorrow list in hand. Tomorrow will have purpose and your smile will be present.
5. Awake with a Bible reading, song and prayer. Ideally, your entire family will join in, led by your husband. And don’t forget to make time for personal Bible study and meditation. “Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ” 2 Pet 3:18.
6. People often think the worst first. Forgive them.
7. “I’m sorry” should not be hidden treasure.
8. Everyone benefits from a cheery greeting. And don’t be surprised when suddenly your ear needs bending.
9. Husbands come first, then children. In time and priority, always. BTW, your husband is NOT one of your children.
Eph 5:24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives [ought to be] to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
10. Someday is Today. Set goals and aim toward them. Life goals, 40 years, 20 years, 10 years, 5 years, 1 year, 1 month, and one day at a time. What you do today should be toward your 1 month goals. Life is precious. Don’t live with regrets.
11. Bears are not allowed at our house. Recognize what makes you growl and either fix it or adapt.
 
Training Children
Mt 19:19 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER; and YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF."
1. The Bible is your training manual. Use it! Www.childtrainingbible.com
2. Kids are manipulators par excellence. Stand your ground.
3. Begin as you mean to go on. Train for the future. Don’t change the rules. Modesty, obedience, respect, etc. Remember, God sets the standards.
4. Service is first learned at home. How you serve is what they learn.
5. Training is two-fold: affection and discipline. Both must be present and wisely distributed at all times.
6. “If a man will not work, neither will he eat.” Teach your children to work, and work with pride of accomplishment. If an attitude problem is present, remove the food.
7. Require respect toward ALL adults.
8. Children grieve. Help them.
9. Discipline problems at school will be noted at home.
10. When all is well, get ready for another surprise. Kids have a knack of tossing yet another challenge into the ring and you will be scrabbling yet again to find the answers.
11. When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang tight. Set the children down - separate chairs, separate areas, and tell the children you need to go pray. And then go!
12. There is nothing wrong with your very young children sleeping in tomorrow’s clothes. Bathe the children, dress them in t-shirt and shorts/jeans. Tomorrow’s day begins without hassle.
13. Consistency, thou art a jewel. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
14. Clean the high-chair before you leave the kitchen.
15. Teach daily from God’s Word. Teaching character is critical in your child’s first five years. Bible stories, yes, but USE them as you emphasize character building qualities. Bible chronology can come later when they have a better understanding of time.
16. Don’t always hide to pray. Children need to see you practice what you preach.
17. Walk your Talk. Think seriously about baptizing a child. Knowledge is not enough. Do they understand Biblical steadfastness (commitment)? Do they understand what it means to confess Jesus as Lord?
18. You talk they listen. They talk you listen. Listen!
19. Post family rules on the back of the kitchen door. End of discussion.
20. Food and worship do not mix. Neither do toys and worship.
21. Refusing to obey is called rebellion. Nip it!
22. Purity is respect for self as God made you. Others (boys!) need to recognize the “No!” in you.
23. Encourage, encourage, encourage!
 
Col 3:17 And whatever you do in word or deed, [do] all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

Joanne Beckley

     I have been in waiting rooms a lot lately.  When you have a rare condition, you tend to be there more often and when your doctor treats only the difficult cases, the wait is longer—the corporation tends to schedule appointments much more closely than he can possibly keep up with in a timely manner—in this case, every 10 minutes.  So I regularly sit two to three hours before I even see the man, but when I finally do, he is friendly, good-natured, but serious about my problem and gives me all the attention he thinks I require, which has been up to an hour.  So he gets even more behind because of me.
     I was in that waiting room recently, along with about two dozen others.  It tends to get more and more crowded as the day wears on and the doctors lag more and more behind.  Across the room a young child, maybe 3, was obviously tired of waiting.  He was out of his chair, whining, and stamping around on his little red sneaker clad feet.  His father sat on one side and his mother on the other.  Each parent was busy with a phone.  In fact, the mother also had her laptop open.  All they did was hiss at him to be quiet and sit still and immediately return to their devices.  He was three years old!  He had been sitting fairly still for at least 20 minutes!  What did they expect?
     Parents!  Please put your phones away.  Do it right now just to prove that you can!  But more than that, put it down and pay attention to what is going on with your children.  I have no doubt you will have plenty of time to look at the thing sometime during the day, but being a parent to your children is the most important part of your day, not being a parent to your phone.  That is exactly how it looks sometimes—like the phone needs more care than the child.
     I am not unsympathetic.  My poor boys have sat with me for hours in waiting rooms because grandparents lived hundreds of miles away and we could not afford babysitters and food for them and eye medicine for me.  I did not expect them to sit absolutely still and quiet.  We took bags of Matchbox cars, books, and favorite stuffed animals.  Occasionally we all played together, but usually they did fine with each other.  I also had a couple of non-messy snacks for them, and bottles of water or juice.  When time became long, I told the receptionist I would be in the parking lot should they call me, and we went out to walk around and explore so they could get some fresh air and enough exercise to kill the antsy-ness.  The people in the office were always understanding and complimented them when finally we left.   Most of the time, all your children want is a little attention.  They want to know they matter to you. And then they can be happy by themselves a little while longer.
     I walk past mothers in the supermarket who are looking at their phones, or even talking on them.  A few times the child in the seat of the cart was about to stand up and reach for something and mom had no idea until I pointed.  Once, I was ready to make a mad dash to catch a falling child even if the mother was far closer than I was.  Put down your phone.  If it's someone who really matters, who is truly a friend, they will understand.  Talk to your children.  Listen to your children. 
      I have about had it with moms and their "me time."  When you decided to take on the privilege of raising a soul to God, you sacrificed a lot of things, including regular "me time."  Please don't resent it, don't resent the children who are causing it.  In a few very short years they will be gone, and what will they remember of their childhood and their parents?  Watching them look at their phone all the time?  Trying to ask a question only to be met with, "Shhhh," over and over?  Needing a hug and getting a glare instead?
     Think of it this way:  you are learning to be the servant God wants you to be.  Suddenly, you won't be spending an hour putting on make-up when you go out.  You will find that instead of shopping for yourself, you are spending the available income shopping for children who outgrow clothes faster than ice cream melts in a Florida summer.  By the time those precious souls have left you, you will have grown into exactly the kind of servant God wants you to be, still serving others, even looking for ways to serve others, because you have finally grown up spiritually and understand the secret of true happiness—serving others, not self and certainly  not a phone.
     That won't happen if you look at your phone longer and more often than you focus on your child.  Nothing on that contraption is more important than they are. 

And he said unto them, Set your heart unto all the words which I testify unto you this day, which ye shall command your children to observe to do, even all the words of this law. For it is no vain thing for you; because it is your life…(Deuteronomy 32:46-47).

Dene Ward

It takes us three days to pack for a camping trip.  I have a list saved on the computer that I print out every time—three pages.  Yes, I said three pages.
            Just for meals, for instance, I pack cups, mugs, plates, soup bowls, a measuring cup, grill tools, saucepans, skillets, the coffee pot, propane stoves, matches, gas canisters, coffee filters, a griddle, a folding grill, a mixing bowl, silverware, mixing spoons and spatulas, foil, Ziplocs for leftovers, a bacon drippings can, paper towels, dish soap, a dish pan, dish towels, hot pads, and trash bags, and that doesn’t count the food!  Now imagine things you need for every part of your day, from brushing your teeth, to hiking, to showering, to sitting around after dark reading, to going to bed, and you begin to see why the list is three pages long.
            We use this list because I have found that if I don’t have it to cross off, I will invariably forget something.  From time to time we delete something on the list or add something as our situation changes.  When we were young we didn’t need to take two boxes of medications. 
            We keep a backup disk of items saved on the computer.  That list is on it.  Should we ever lose it, I might even be tempted to never go camping again.  I cannot imagine having to remake the list from memory.  More likely, we would remake it around the fire the first night after discovering all the things we forgot.
            When we had boys with us, I had other things on the list that were equally important.  In fact, I was probably more careful about their things than mine.  I wanted them to have enough clothes, especially enough warm clothes.  I learned that lesson the hard way when we woke up by a mountain stream one June morning to fifty degree temperatures and they had nothing but shorts and tee shirts to wear.  Fifty degrees in June?  As a Florida native I didn’t even know that was possible, and I felt horrible, quickly mixing up some warm oatmeal and hot chocolate while Keith built a campfire for them to huddle around as they ate.
            We are all on a trip every day of our lives.  What have you packed for your children?  Too many parents just let life happen without a plan.  Do you teach them?  Do you talk with them every chance you get about a God who loves them, who made them, and who expects things of them?  Do you discuss the things that happen in their lives and the decisions they made, or perhaps should have made?  Do they know that those decisions will affect their eternal destiny?  Do you allow them to pay the consequences for their mistakes, or do you shelter them?  Do you tell them what the world is really like out there, how to recognize the traps, the enemies in disguise and the true values of life?  Are you sure you have everything they could possibly need to assure their eternal destiny?
            Maybe you need to make a list.
 
We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; Psalms 78:4-7.
 
Dene Ward

I don’t know what we would have done without hand-me-downs. 
            Lucas survived his infancy on borrowed baby clothes, but that young mother soon needed them again so there were no tiny clothes to pass down to Nathan.  At that point we were living by a children’s clothes factory and could go to the outlet store and buy seconds for as little as fifty cents each.  Each summer and each winter I dug my way through a mountain of irregulars and managed to find three shirts and three pairs of either shorts or long pants, according to the season.  Sometimes the colors were a little odd, like the “dress” shoes I bought for Lucas when he was two—maroon patent leather with a beige saddle—but they covered his feet for $1 and no one was likely to mistake them for another child’s shoes.
            Then, just as they reached school age, we found ourselves in a church with half a dozen little boys just three or four years older than they.  Suddenly my boys’ closet was bursting.  They were far better dressed than I was, and they had even more waiting to be grown into.  They didn’t mind hand-me-downs and neither did our scanty bank account.
            Keith and I have followed suit.  Probably 75% of my clothes are hand-me-downs, and the rest I picked up at consignment shops and thrift stores, with only a handful of things I bought new, always off a clearance rack.  Keith has more shirts than he could wear in a month—we didn’t buy a one of them.
            When you get a hand-me-down, sometimes you can’t wear it as is.  Sometimes it’s my own personal sense of taste, meager though that may be.  Sometimes it’s a size issue.  I have been known to take up hems or let them out if the giver was taller or shorter than I.  I almost always remove shoulder pads.  I have wide shoulders for a woman and shoulder pads make me look like a football player in full gear.  If the collar has a bow, a scarf, or high buttons, those go too—I hate anything close around my neck and it makes my already full face look like a bowling ball.  So while I gratefully accept those second hand clothes, I do something to make them my own.
            Which brings me to handed-down faith.  Being raised in the church can be both a blessing and a curse.  Being taught from before you can remember means doing right becomes second nature.  There is never any question where I will be on Sunday morning because I have always been there.  There is never any question what I will do when it’s time to make a choice that involves morals or doctrine.  There is never any question about my priorities—my parents taught those to me every day of my childhood, both in word and deed.
            Yet God will not accept any faith that is not my own.   Yes, He was with Ishmael for Abraham’s sake, Gen 17:20; 21:13.  To those who are dear to His children, but who are not believers, God will sometimes send material blessings, 39:5, and physical salvation, 19:29, but He will not take a hand-me-down faith until it becomes personal, Ezek 18:1-4.  I have to reach a point where I know not only what I believe, but why, and that faith must permeate my life as I lead it, in every situation I find myself in, in every decision I must make, but at the same time come from my heart not habit.  If I have not reached that point, what will I do when my parents are gone?  Will my faith stand then?  Or will I be like Joash, who did just fine as long as his mentor Jehoiada the priest was alive, but fell to the point of killing his cousin Zechariah, a prophet of God, when he was finally left on his own? (2 Chron 24) 
            Pass your faith on to your children, but your job doesn’t end there.  Help them make it their own.  Let them tear out those shoulder pads and lengthen those hems.  It really isn’t a compliment to your parenting skills if all they can do is mimic you while you are still alive to keep tabs on them.  You might in fact be limiting them by demanding exact conformity to every nuance of your own faith.  Their faith could very well soar farther than you ever thought about if you let them fly.
            But the real test comes when you are gone.  Can you rest well with the job you have done?
 
I think it right, as long as I am in this body, to stir you up by way of reminder, since I know that the putting off of my body will be soon, as our Lord Jesus Christ made clear to me. And I will make every effort so that after my departure you may be able at any time to recall these things. For… we have something more sure, the prophetic word, to which you will do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts, 2 Peter 1:13-15, 19.
 
Dene Ward

I picked up the phone and within ten seconds wished I hadn’t.  I was a new bride and it was my first experience with a telemarketer. I couldn’t fathom someone who had an answer for every reason to say “No.” 
            I’d been taught to always be polite so as long as he talked I listened.  Finally I said, “I couldn’t spend this much money without talking to my husband first anyway.”
            Yes, he even had an answer for that one.  “Don’t you think it’s about time you learned how to make decisions on your own?”
            He had finally gone too far.  “How we run our marriage is our business, not yours,” I replied and hung up.  He found out in short order that my acceptance of my husband’s authority didn’t mean I was spineless.
            Too many women today seem to think it does, and worse, care far too much about what other people think about them.  I feel the same way about that as I do about men who won’t help with child care and housework because, “That’s woman’s work.”  Shakespeare put it best:  “Methinks thou doth protest too much.”  It takes strength to submit; weakness cannot overcome the natural tendency to want attention and power.
            Sarah comes to mind.  In a misguided attempt to help God fulfill his promises to Abraham, she and Abraham arranged a surrogate mother.  Hagar was “her handmaid,” Gen 16:1,3, a personal servant of Sarah’s, not a simple slave girl who would have been under Abraham’s authority (Growth of the Seed, Nathan Ward).  When Hagar’s attitude toward Sarah eroded into hateful disrespect--“her mistress became despised in her eyes” v 4—Sarah was ready to throw her out.  At that time, in that culture, Hagar as her handmaid was her business, not Abraham’s.  Yet Sarah, in her submission as a wife, still went to Abraham first.  Even he said, “Behold, your maid is in your hands.  Do what you think is best,” v 6.
            Please note, the surrogacy arrangement did not change Hagar’s status.  She is still called “handmaid” by the writer and by God (21:12), and the angel of Jehovah told her she was wrong to have fled, that the right thing was to return to her mistress (16:7-9), just as it was for Onesimus to return to Philemon.  Sarah did not have to ask Abraham for permission, but she went the extra mile in her submission to him.
            So how am I doing at this submission business?  Do my friends know that my husband is the head of the house, or would they throw their heads back in gales of laughter at the very thought?  Am I embarrassed to say, “I need to talk with my husband,” before making a major decision?
            Even the New Testament recognizes that a woman has a realm of authority in the home.  Widows are to remarry and “rule the household,” 1 Tim 5:14.  That word “rule” is not the same Greek word as the one in 3:4, elders should “rule well their own household.”  The word in 5:14 is one that means “manage [the home specifically] under a master.”  Just as the store manager does not expect to be micromanaged by the owner of the business, he still understands that he must ultimately answer to that owner.  Would anyone expect otherwise?
            It is time to stop being cowed by our increasingly godless culture, afraid to admit that we actually believe what the Bible says about unpopular things.  The next time someone insults you for your voluntary subjection to your husband, show them just how much spine you do have.
 
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening, 1 Peter 3:5-6
 
Dene Ward

It’s been over three decades now.  Things have always been tight for us, but that particular time was the worst.  Through no fault of his own, Keith was in between preaching jobs, making ends meet with a couple of part time jobs and two or three preaching appointments a month, while finishing up his degree on the GI Bill.  I had a twenty-month old, was five months pregnant, and battling both an ulcer and gall stones.  Every month we pulled the belt a little bit tighter.
            I had $20 a week to spend on groceries—period.  Even in that day it was only about half what others spent, even those who thought they were living closely.  I bought one piece of meat or poultry a week and made it last four or five days.  A whole chicken (19 cents a pound on sale) provided the breasts for our one splurge meal that week—we actually had a whole chunk of meat on our plates.  The next day I used the thighs for a casserole of some sort, and with enough filler like rice or noodles it lasted two nights.  Then I boiled the backs, wings, and neck in a huge pot of water as a base for chicken and dumplings, a copious amount of dumplings, for another two night meal.  The other two nights that week we filled up on meatless meals—cheese omelets, pancakes or waffles, black beans and rice, pinto beans and cornbread, lentil soup, or on really tight days—biscuits and gravy, the gravy using only bacon drippings, flour, and milk.  Don’t ever judge a person’s wealth, or even their self-control, by their girth.  Poor people food is fattening food.  Only the economically comfortable can afford fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, lean meat, and fish.
            Besides learning to stretch a dollar, I also learned to eat more slowly.  My little boy may have been a toddler, but he still needed to eat to grow.  I gave him the small plateful I thought he could eat, but often, when he asked for “more,” the only “more” was on my plate.  I had already rationed Keith to the point that I worried that a grown man working that many hours a day had enough to survive.  So I willingly scraped off what was left on my plate onto my child’s.  I was more than happy to do that for him.  When we chose to have these children, we automatically took on the responsibility to feed them and care for them, even if it meant we didn’t eat.
            I am afraid I am seeing parents who don’t believe that any more.  I know many fine young Christians who automatically sacrifice for their children, but the world doesn’t seem to think that’s normal.  Have you looked at the magazine rack in the grocery store?  Have you heard the discussions with people who think that everyone but they themselves should pay for their child’s basic necessities?  But let’s keep this personal instead of political.
            “I’m so tired.”  “I’m so stressed.”  “I don’t have time for me any more.”
            No, you don’t.  Yes, it’s exhausting, it’s frustrating, it’s completely overwhelming.  That’s what happens when you take on the care of a completely helpless human being.  That’s what you signed on for when you decided to have a child.  That’s the commitment you made when you decided to enjoy the act that might produce that child.
            You may not have as much time to primp and preen as you’re used to.  You may go weeks or months without being able to enjoy your favorite pastime or hobby.  You may go seven years without a single new article of clothing because any pennies you can squeeze out of the paycheck go to the three shirts, three pairs of pants, four pairs of underwear, four pairs of socks, and one pair of shoes you must buy for a growing child every six months at yard sales, outlets, and consignment shops.  You may even scrape the food off your plate. 
            That’s what loving, responsible parents do, and they never begrudge the sacrifice, especially not the time, because one day, far too soon, you wake up and it’s over.  No more babies to rock, no more stickers to put on the potty training chart, no more little fingers in the cookie dough.  You’ll have all the time in the world for yourself—your career, your hobbies, your hair appointments and shopping sprees—but no amount of wishing will give you back the time you could have spent teaching, training, nurturing and loving your children into a happy, productive adulthood, and they will probably pay for that neglect in one way or another.
 
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. Psalms 127:3-5
 
Dene Ward