We talked a few days ago about that difficult conversation you must have with your spouse—about how he wants to be cared for should he become unable to make those decisions himself, about what treatments he does and does not want, and even about the handling of his physical tabernacle after he is called home.  It is not an easy subject and the longer you wait the more difficult it will become.  But God expects this of a wife who "does him good and not evil all the days or her life.”
            A few have asked and yes, we have had that conversation.  At this point it is still just a “someday” so it was relatively easy.  We even managed a joke or two to relieve the tension.   Another ten years and that might not have been the case.  Give yourselves the same gift.
            There is another conversation you need to have, the one with your parents.
            First we are going to presume that those who bother to read this already understand their obligation to their parents and are willing to take care of it.  Jesus seemed to presume that God’s people understood that responsibility himself (Mark 7:9-13).
            The difficult thing in this case is recognizing the time when the roles have made a complete reversal, when you might need to make the decisions for your parents instead of allowing them to make them.  It will not be easy.  They may even resent it.  But think about this:  at one point in your life, they made all the decisions for you and many of them were difficult.  You ought to know from your own parenting experience that children change your life and your schedule, that they become the first and last things on your mind day and night, that you sometimes cry long and hard as you decide to do things you know they need but will not like, and that may even effect your relationship with them.  It comes with the job.  That’s what parental responsibility is.
            Now take every one of those things and turn it toward your care for your elderly parents.  It may change your life, your schedule and your priorities.  That’s the way it is and as it should be—you did the same thing to them the day you cried your first lusty little cry.  You may have to give up parts of your life for them—just the way they gave up things to raise you.  And you may need to go against their wishes for their own good, even if it makes them angry.  That is NOT disrespecting your parents.  That is taking on the responsibility of their care.
            A few suggestions.  If your parent is the independent sort, you may need to be the one who says, “You can’t live alone any longer.”  She may beg you not to take her into your home or put her into assisted living or whatever option is best, but if her balance is poor, if she can no longer see to her basic needs, if her mind is not clear enough to take her medications properly, then it may just be that difficult time.  It is not a sign of respect to allow her to live in filth because she can no longer clean up after herself—it is actually a danger to her health and the ultimate indignity.  If she falls easily, who will be there to call for help, or will she lie there for hours until you come to make your regular check on her?  If she cannot cook any longer, how will she get the proper nutrition?  Would your parents have allowed any of that to happen to you as a child?  Then why would you allow it to happen to them and call it “respecting their wishes?”
            Go to her doctor’s appointments and find out exactly what the doctor says, not what she reports that he has said.  She may forget something or simply get the information wrong due to an unclear mind.  AND TELL THE DOCTOR EXACTLY WHAT IS HAPPENING AT HOME.  He may make a decision based on seeing her for a five or ten minute appointment that would be completely different if he talked to her for twenty or thirty minutes.  You need to tell him if she doesn’t take her medicine as he prescribes.  You need to tell him if she repeats the same thing every thirty minutes.  He needs to hear that she can no longer perform simple tasks like putting toothpaste on her toothbrush or deciding whether she needs a spoon or a fork to eat soup.  You are not tattling—that’s a playground term.  You are taking on the responsibility God expects of you to care for a parent, and you are doing it even when it might cost you that parent’s goodwill for a while.  Someone has to be the adult when she no longer can be, and that someone is you.
            Get a list of her medications.  What will happen if you make an emergency run to the hospital and you cannot tell them what she is taking?  If she is unable to do so, the proper care may be delayed or the wrong care may result in disaster because no one had that information.
            So talk about it now.  Ask her (or him) if, when the time comes, she might like to live with you or another sibling, or whether she would prefer assisted living.  And recognize that things can change.  My grandmother lived 98 years.  By the time she needed that care, my father was ill and my mother was his caregiver 24/7.  She could not take her mother in, too, so assisted living was the only way to go.  When the time came for my mother, we lived way out in the country where she would have no visitors and no place to walk for exercise on uneven ground, plus a home with steps and doors too narrow for her walker to fit through, and where her doctor and the nearest hospital was nearly 30 miles away.  We could not afford to move and the doctor said she needed to be close to him.  So, once again, assisted living was the answer.  She was not left alone.  We saw her between 1 and 3 times a week, took her to all her appointments, had her out to our house for every holiday and many times for a meal in between, and called every day we were not there.  Our church family was marvelous about visiting, and even taking her out for lunch.  Of course, she was a pretty marvelous person to visit with too.
            Talk about possibilities now, before the decisions are hard. The longer you wait, the more heartbreaking it will be.  And since when has God ever accepted ignorance as an excuse? 
 
But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God, 1Tim 5:4.
 
Dene Ward

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not evil, all the days of her life, Prov 31:10-12.
 
            Bathsheba gets short shrift most of the time.  Due to a lot of misunderstanding of cultural practices, she is accused of things she did not do, and blamed for things that were not her fault, but that is not what we are going to talk about today.  Today we are checking in on David and Bathsheba about thirty years later.  David is near death at the age of 70, and Bathsheba is around 50, or even less.*
            David has promised Solomon that he will be king, that, in fact, God Himself has chosen him to be the next king.  Adonijah, as the oldest living son, has other plans.  He sets about having himself crowned even as David lies on his deathbed.  He isn’t being particularly secretive, but he is very careful whom he invites to the coronation.  David’s mighty men are left out, as well as Zadok, who as a result of all this becomes the patriarch of the new high priest line promised in 1 Samuel 2, and Nathan the prophet also.
            Nathan comes to Bathsheba.  ‘Haven’t you heard?” he asks her.  Then he gives her careful instruction about telling David the news, and goes along with her to verify her story.  Bathsheba seems more than willing.  Perhaps it is a mother looking after the welfare of her son, but for her to have this close contact with David after all these years, when none of his other wives do, tells me their relationship became the prominent one.  She was the favorite, and as any wife would at this time, she made sure he was happy and had what he needed.
            The rest of the story doesn’t really matter to me today.  Maybe it is because I am older now, maybe it is because I have seen so many women doing it up close and personal, but the verse above from Proverbs 31 sprang to my mind when I thought of Bathsheba’s actions.  A good wife will see to her husband’s wishes, “doing him good and not evil,” even when he is no longer able to function.
            And the only way we can do that, ladies, is to ask what he wants.  If you haven’t, you need to sit down together and ask him those tough questions.  If you have a will, and you should, that will help, but perhaps he has other things, not valuable things, but things he cherishes, that he would like to go to someone in particular.  Find out and write it down.  Perhaps he wants a certain man to preach his funeral.  Find out who.  Perhaps he wants certain songs to be sung.  Find out which ones. 
            Then there are the really difficult decisions.  Does he want to be an organ donor?  Does he have a living will?  If he is very ill already, does he have a DNR?  If he were to reach the point that he no longer knows anyone, how does he want to be cared for?
            Life has a way of stealing a man’s identity and our society’s ridicule of the elderly doesn’t help a bit.  The doctor may tell him he can no longer drive.  Be careful what you say to others in his hearing.  You may not think it a big deal, but for some men driving represents more than just going somewhere.  God has programmed into our men the need to provide and protect, and in a society where we no longer face angry natives on the warpath and food is always just around the corner at Publix, he has few ways of doing that.  Driving may be one of them.  Don’t steal his manhood with your comments about this or anything else he can no longer do. 
            We could go on and on with this, but I imagine you have gotten my point.  Because of the emotions involved these things are difficult to talk about, even when we have absolute faith in the reward God promises.  Some men will refuse, but do what you can.  Listen to him when he talks to others and make a note in your mind of what he says if you can’t get him to say it to you, but do your best to know what he wants and then do those things for him when he is lying there completely unable, just as David was.
            An aside here—there are some things a man has no business telling his wife to do.  He should not tell you to never remarry if you would like to.  Especially if you are young, which is a whole lot older than it used to be to me, Paul himself says you should remarry (1 Tim 5:14).  Death breaks the marriage bond (Rom 7), and he no longer has that hold on you.  And of course, anything sinful you can rightly ignore. 
            Back to our point—please do this today.  Do not use your youthful age as an excuse.  One inch either way and a bullet would have made me a widow at 42.  Then there was the stroke Keith had when I was 49.  I can tell you sad tales of people who have succumbed to accident or disease even earlier than that.  These days women usually outlive their men, especially if they are several years younger, as I am.  It is only sensible to be ready.  How can you possibly “do him good and not evil” when you don’t know what good he wants?
            And then do this for him too.  Sometimes we women do go first.  Tell him what you want.  If you start the ball rolling, maybe it will come more easily for him.  Once you both have it down, you can rest easy, and on the day when one or the other of you finally do go to that promised rest, the one you leave behind can rest too.
 
The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away…So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom, Psalm 90:10,12
 
*To read my take on Bathsheba, go over to the right sidebar and click on Bible People.  Scroll down several articles and a couple of pages to find “A Case of Mistaken Identity.”
 
Dene Ward

Today's post is by guest writer Lucas Ward.
 
I know, I know, I'm neither married nor do I have children so I have no right to write on this subject.  That is the usual reaction of most, isn't it?  It occurs to me that the two men who spoke the most on these subjects in the NT were Jesus and Paul, neither of whom were married or had kids.  How did they speak wisely on the subject?  Well, they spoke as the Holy Spirit directed them (Mark 13:11, John 8:28).  While I am in no way claiming inspiration, I can read what the inspired writers wrote down and pass on those principles.  So, in this post I will take care to not include any of my opinions nor any of the things I've heard my parents say as they taught marriage and family classes, but will present only what the Holy Spirit directed Solomon to say.  So, if you dislike or disagree with any of the following, you aren't disagreeing with me, but with the principles the Holy Spirit laid down through Solomon.
 
The first clear principle that Solomon lays down is that if you want to be a good parent, you must first make sure you are walking in the light.
Prov. 20:7  "The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!" 
Prov. 14:26  "In the fear of the LORD one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge." 
If a father or mother is righteous and walks in integrity, the children will be better off.  Blessed.  His children will have refuge from the chaos of this world.  This doesn't mean that you have to be completely perfect, but rather that your walk is in the light, instead of predominately in the dark.  A parent who doesn't care about being right himself can do immense damage to his family.
Prov. 11:29  "Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise of heart."
The proverb seems to be the gist of what Paul was speaking of in Eph. 6:4   "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."  So, as a parent, our first duty to our children is to ensure that we are walking right with God.  Good parenting will naturally follow.
 
The second thing Solomon says about child rearing is that it involves training.
Prov. 22:6  "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." 
Training in its nature implies time taken.  It implies a plan followed.  If you were paying a personal trainer to help you get in shape and he cancelled half your appointments and when he did show up he just randomly assigned you different exercises until it became plain he was not following any sort of planned program, you'd fire him, wouldn't you?  God has assigned us to train our children.  In these efforts, are we any different from that horrible physical trainer?  Solomon gives an example of how he worked to give his son a path to wisdom.
Prov. 22:17-21  "Incline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge, for it will be pleasant if you keep them within you, if all of them are ready on your lips.  That your trust may be in the LORD, I have made them known to you today, even to you.  Have I not written for you thirty sayings of counsel and knowledge, to make you know what is right and true, that you may give a true answer to those who sent you?" 
Solomon not only taught his son, but wrote out 30 sayings for his son to learn.  He was working to lead his son in the right way.  Parents must have a plan, follow it, and be around their kids enough to know if it is working. 
Prov. 20:11  "Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright." 
Jesus said, "By their fruits you shall know them."  Solomon says the same about children.  We can know who they are by what they do.  Which means that parents should be paying attention so they can see if they need to adjust their planned training of their children to meet who their child actually is.  My parents tell me that I was a stubborn child who, when very young, would listen to Dad tell me not to do something and then, grinning, do it right in front of him.  Nathan, on the other hand, would say, "OK", leave, and then sneak back to do it when Dad wasn't around.  We made ourselves known by our acts and Dad and Mom had to adjust their training of us accordingly.  Parents should be teaching children a lifestyle discipline.
Prov. 29:17  "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." 
Prov. 19:18  "Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death." 
That last one is a bit funny.  I think all parents have a moment in which they just want to strangle their children. Solomon understands that and says, no, don't kill them, there is still hope.  Follow the discipline plan you've made and eventually "he will give delight to you heart."
 
Usually when we think of discipline, we think of punishment, which is not really correct.  However punishment is a part of teaching a discipline and of child rearing.  Solomon (from the Holy Spirit, remember) approved of corporal punishment in all areas of life (10:13, 14:3, 19:29, 20:30, 26:3) so it is not surprising that he approved of it in child rearing. 
Prov. 22:15  "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him."
Prov. 23:13-14  "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.  If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol."
 
There are two things to note in these passages.  First, the goal in mind:  to drive away folly and save his soul from Hell.   Good parents aren't striking their children just because they are angry.  They don't hit them because they had a bad day at work or they are disappointed in how their lives are going.  They apply corporal punishment as needed in following their plan to train up their child.  They do it for the purpose of driving out foolishness and saving the child from hell.   Also notice that "if you strike him with a rod, he will not die."  If your child is winding up in the hospital because of your "discipline", then you are doing it wrong!  This is supposed to be enough to straighten them up, not injure them.  The Bible does not condone child abuse.  Again, THE BIBLE DOES NOT CONDONE CHILD ABUSE.  It does, however, strongly endorse properly applied corporal punishment as a teaching tool.
Prov. 29:15  "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." 
Prov. 13:24  "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." 
Again, the purpose of reproving your child and using the switch is to give wisdom.  The other option is a child who brings shame to his parents.  As to the parents who say that they just can't bring themselves to spank their children, Solomon says it is because you don't love them enough.  Just as when Jesus says that if you don't hate your father and mother etc, you can't be His disciple (Luke 14:26) He doesn't mean to hate them, but to love Him enormously more, and Prov. 13:24 doesn't mean the parent actively hates the child and therefore withholds punishment, but rather he doesn't love the child enough to do what's in the child's best interest, even though it hurts the parent.  Let's face, you love that cute little bugger and it hurts to even think about being the reason he is crying.  It makes you sick to think about causing him pain.  If you truly love him, however, you will be diligent in your discipline.  "Diligent" implies hard work, and this is very hard for many parents, but remember the purpose:  to drive out foolishness, instill wisdom, and save his soul from hell.  That little pain you inflict when he is young will save him from huge amounts of pain later in this life and especially after it. 
There are a lot of people who disagree with this method of child rearing.  Despite it being taught by the wisest man ever, inspired by God to teach it, there is a growing number of people in the Church who don't follow the method (and then later wonder why their children went astray).  

Again, I am not giving you my opinion.  I simply read you what the Proverbs teach, so you aren't disagreeing with me, but with what the Holy Spirit led Solomon to write.  Let me leave you with one final proverb.
Prov. 14:12  "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death."
So, therefore,
Prov. 22:6  "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." 
 
Lucas Ward
 

And he came to Lystra and Derbe and behold, a certain disciple was there named Timothy, the son of a Jewess that believed, but his father was a Greek, Acts 16:1.
            Having been reminded of the unfeigned faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded, in you also, 2 Tim 1:5.
            Did you see it?  Don’t feel bad.  I missed it too, for years.
            Wasn’t it great that Eunice taught her son so well?  But how many of us are thinking in the back of our minds, “Tsk, tsk, it would have been easier if she had married a child of God to begin to with.”  I have been guilty of such snap judgments myself over the years, placing these people in my own culture and social customs.  Lydia aside, it was not common for a woman to make her own living in those days, in those places.  Because of that, to be left alone a widow was to be sentenced to a life of poverty and dependence upon the kindness of others.  Look how many passages in the Law made provisions for the widow and orphan.  They did not live in a day of insurance policies, pensions, Social Security, and Aid for Dependent Children.  If God’s people did not follow the Law as he designed it, the widow and orphan would starve. 
            Parents often arranged marriages, and expecting their daughter to live alone and support herself simply because they could not find a God-fearing husband for her was not an expedient choice for Eunice’s parents.  Out in the Gentile world with few practicing Jews in the area, the best they could do was find a Greek whom they thought would take good care of their daughter.
            And here is what we miss:  how do we know there were no Jews to choose from?  It was Paul’s custom to go to the synagogue first when he came to a town, (Acts 13:5, 14; 14:1: 17:1, etc).  From the account in Acts, it seems evident that there were no synagogues in Lystra or Derbe.  That also means there were fewer than 10 Jewish male heads of household in the town, the number necessary to form a synagogue, and not even enough Jewish women to meet down by the river as in Philippi, (16:13).  Which means there was no Jewish school to send her son to, one of the primary functions of a local synagogue.  Besides these obstacles, how many little boys want to “be like Daddy?”
             So now you have a woman married to a Greek, who was taught the scripture (Old Testament) so well that she “also believed,” meaning she accepted Jesus as the fulfillment of Messianic prophecy, something even the “well-educated” scribes and “pious” Pharisees could not seem to do.  And she raised a son to do the same, without a righteous man to influence him, without a formal religious education, and without a community of believers from which to draw help and encouragement.
            I daresay that none of us has the problems Eunice faced as a mother.  In this day when so many want to blame everyone else for their failures, when so many blame the church for the way their children turned out, she is a shining example of what can be done, of one who took the responsibility and, despite awesome odds, succeeded.
            The world bestows the term “Supermom” for all the wrong reasons.  Here is the real thing, one we should be emulating every day of our lives.
 
And these words which I command you this day shall be upon your heart, and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up.  And you shall bind them for a sign upon your hand, and they shall be frontlets between your eyes.  And you shall write them upon the doorposts of your house and upon your gates,  Deut 6:6-9.
 
Dene Ward

On September 12, 1959, Bonanza made its debut on NBC.  This Western saga ran for fourteen years, and sat in the Top 10 for ten of those years.  It was the most watched show on television from 1964-1967.  It even affected the growth of color television!  Very few homes had a color TV before it premiered, but that changed almost overnight.
            The producer, David Dortort, had a set of values in mind when he created the show.  He wanted Ben Cartwright, the patriarch, to be a strong, wise, and competent man, the father who could teach and discipline and set things right within the family.  He wanted Ben to be a kind and generous man as well.  He might be wealthy, but he was neither selfish nor arrogant, and he raised his sons to be the same.
            Contrast this to 2011 when TV Guide Magazine called the new television season "the emasculation of men on TV."  Christian Kachel of the Washington Times has said that the template for the prime time sitcom is "immature, usually overweight, lazy, spineless men navigating life by accident, dumb luck, or with the help of superior female characters."  Hanna Rosin in The Atlantic characterizes the shows like this:  wives working double shifts and getting promotions while husbands sit around confused; husbands lying to their working wives about how much hockey they watch on TV while they are supposed to be tending the baby; sisters doing homework and brothers feeding the dog their orange juice.
            But all of this is just a reflection of society, I am afraid.  It has become such an issue that books and articles have been written by the dozen with almost the same title as this essay.  When celebrities like Bette Midler are quoted (in the National Review) as saying that "men and religion are worthless," what can you expect?  Ben Shapiro states in the same source that there is "indication of a general belief…that masculinity itself is toxic and must be quashed," citing quotes by such people as Hilary Clinton, using exactly that type of language ("toxic").  He continues, "While they champion the notion that women can do anything they set their minds to (true!), they simultaneously castigate men as the barriers to progress and masculinity as a condition to be avoided."  They believe that boys should not be told to "be a man," but rather should be feminized, because, of course, women are not just equal, they are superior, and all the ills of the world come from men.  According to Kachel, "rambunctious" boys are prescribed Ritalin to calm them down two and a half times more often than the same level of "rambunctious" girls.
            There is now an organization called "Single Mothers by Choice."  These women believe that the only role a man should play is "sperm donor."  They plan to have children and raise them without a father from the outset.  It isn't that something bad happened in their lives and now they have to do this monumental task alone—they believe they can do it better alone.  Now think about the subcultures within our own where the men are noticeably absent and tell me those children are less prone to violence, drugs, and crime, and that they are more likely to grow up to be well-educated and successful in life.  Keith ran an unofficial poll in his work as first, a probation officer and then, a classification officer doing intake in prisons.  He believes that probably 90% of the felons who sat across the table from him were raised without a man in the house.  Maybe those "Single Mothers by Choice" are all professionals who have the money to hire nannies, send their kids to private schools, and then make sure they get into an impressive college.  But what about the single mothers who wait on tables, load the shelves at Wal-Mart, and check out groceries?  Most of them wear themselves out young just trying to keep food on the table and a roof over their children's heads.  They are every bit as handicapped as a man who has lost a leg or gone blind.
            And what does God say about it?  He designed a nuclear family with both a mother and a father.  He gave them roles to fulfill so their children would be raised to succeed in life, but more important, so they would become faithful, righteous children of His own.  The Bible has no trouble at all saying, "Act like a man! Be strong!" (1 Cor 16:13).  And it takes a real man who knows the struggle to teach a boy how to harness his energy, his aggression, his sexuality, and how to get through the curveballs that life will throw his way.  It also takes a man to show a girl what to look for in a mate, by setting the example of provider, protector, spiritual leader, and the one who will "dwell with her according to knowledge," "nurturing and cherishing her."  It is sad when it doesn't work out that way, not something to be celebrated.
           Fathers have a specific role as the authority in the family, and through that role teach their children exactly what to expect from their Heavenly Father.  It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.  (Heb 12:7-10).
          It's too bad that David Dortort is no longer producing television shows.  But if television truly reflects our society, that is even sadder.  Today I celebrate my man of God.  Promise me you will celebrate your man of God, if you have one, and tell him how grateful you are before this day is over.
 
For I have chosen [Abraham], that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice… (Gen 18:19).
 
Dene Ward

Proverbs 31 is one of the best known chapters in the Bible—the worthy woman, or as the King James reads, the virtuous woman.  I decided to do a study on that word “worthy” and boy, was I surprised.  It has a depth of meaning I never suspected.
            The Hebrew word chayil is used 150 times in the Old Testament.  Look at these other words it is often translated by:  army, band of men, band of soldiers, company, forces, great forces, host, might, power, strength, substance, valor, war, able, strong, and valiant.  When you have a minute today, look up these passages where the word is translated by one of those:  Judg 21:10; 1 Chron 5:18; 2 Kgs 2:16; 2 Chron 33:14; 1 Sam 9:1; 14:48.  Of the 150 available, I think that is a good representation.  Can you find the word in those verses?  If you see one that has anything to do with brave, strong men, that’s it,”worthy.”
            We tend to think of strength and courage as specifically masculine traits, and yes, men may have the monopoly on brute strength, but look through Proverbs 31.  Not only does this woman have the strength to survive long, busy days, one after the other with no end in sight, but she has the inner strength to survive life!  “Hothouse flowers” who “have the vapors” are not who God had in mind when he created woman.
            A woman should have the strength to stand by a man through thick and thin, “in sickness and in health,” and all the other things she promised all those years ago, to manage her household (1 Tim 5:14), to teach her children, to help the needy, to serve the saints, and to stand against the wiles of the Devil, and to quench all the fiery darts of the Evil One, Eph 6:11,16.
            By using this word in Proverbs 31, both at the beginning of the passage, v 10 and at the end, v 29, God is surely telling us that he expects his women to be strong, inside and out. 
              Ladies, God says there is strength and courage in femininity—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
 
A worthy [strong, valiant] woman, who can find?  Her price is far above rubies; she girds her loins with strength, and makes her arms strong.  Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come.  Many daughters have done valiantly but you excel them all.  Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.  Proverbs 31:10,17,25,29,31.
 
Dene Ward

My spell-check tells me that is not a word—grandparenting.  Obviously, spell check does not have any grandchildren!
            Everyone tells you before your first child is born that your life is about to change and will never be the same again.  In fact, they tell you so often that you get sick of hearing it and almost determine that it won't happen to you—except something tells you it will, somehow or other, and it does.  You instantly know a love like no other, one so deep and intense it nearly scares you.  Everyone was right after all.
            I don't think anyone ever told me that about grandparenting.  They should have.  It hits you like a train too, just as it does parents, but in a slightly different way.  After all, parents are on the local train, and grandparents get the express, especially if they live a ways off.  You see those precious souls in bits and pieces and have to cram years of influence into days.  If you get the wonderful chance to babysit while mom and dad are out of town and get to pretend they are actually yours, not just for an hour or two, but for a few days—grandparenting becomes Heaven on Earth. 
            And don't let anyone tell you the love is any less intense.  Just the other day I saw a picture of these two taken from behind.  When I saw the backs of those little heads, I wanted to kiss them so badly I hurt.  Two little boys made me a mom, and now two little boys have made me a grandmother—the most wonderful role God ever created.
            The Bible doesn't really say much about grandparents.  We know they are there because we see the relationships, but even then we don't really see the interaction.  For example, Abraham was 100 when Isaac was born (Gen 21:5).  Isaac married at 40 and was 60 when Jacob and Esau were born (Gen 25:26).  Abraham died at 175 (Gen 25:7).  Do the math.  Isaac would have been 75 and Jacob and Esau would have been 15.  They knew their grandfather Abraham.  How did they get along?  What did they learn from him?  That part of the relationship is left for us to imagine.
            The best we can do to see grandparenting relationships are two women, one in the Old Testament and one in the New.  Naomi left Israel with her family and lived in Moab (Ruth 1).  While there, her husband died, and then both of her sons, leaving her with two widowed daughters-in-law.  I will not vilify Orpah as many do, but we all know the story of how Ruth returned to Israel with Naomi and then spent her days supporting both of them through the benevolent welfare system God had set up.  People left crops behind in the fields, often on purpose, and the poor labored to gather what they needed.
            In the process, Boaz came to redeem Naomi's son's land and married his widow.  The first son of that pair legally wore the name of the dead husband and was Naomi's legal grandson.  So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. And he went in to her, and the LORD gave her conception, and she bore a son. Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the LORD, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.” Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her lap and became his nurse.  (Ruth 4:13-16).  Don't tell me that Naomi did not play a huge role in how that child was raised, a child in the line of the Messiah, by the way.
            And then we have Lois.  Her daughter, having been raised (we suppose) in the town where Paul found her, Lystra, and where there was no synagogue, had married a Gentile.  In those days, being single was not really an option.  Lydia aside, most women simply could not support themselves.  So probably her father had done his best to find her a good man who would treat her right.  That left her trying to raise a godly son without a Jewish community's help.  But she did have her mother's help, and they succeeded beyond their wildest dreams, I imagine.  Paul says to Timothy, I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.  (2Tim 1:5).
            We can make some suppositions about other grandparents in the Bible, but these two are important.  They tell us that we should have a part in our grandchildren's lives.  Though I never really knew my grandfathers, I remember both of my grandmothers fondly.  I could talk to them about things I was uncomfortable talking to my parents about.  Both of them were Christians so my parents did not need to worry what I might be taught.  We need to be that trustworthy as grandparents, too, and willingly play a part in their lives.  (I can't imagine anyone needing to be told that!)
            And that, of course, leads to the second thing—our children should be able to count on us to help in the teaching process, to reinforce their own rules and values, and to add the wisdom gained from our own life experiences as we teach those precious souls.  We also have the opportunity to observe, and in that observation perhaps come up with lessons our grandchildren not only need to hear, but might be more likely to hear from us than from mom and dad. 
            Children are truly a heritage from the Lord (Psa 127:3).  Then they give you grandchildren and prove it all over again.  Be there for them.  Teach them.  Love them.  That's what God expects from a grandparent.
           
As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments.  (Ps 103:15-18)

Dene Ward

A young lady recently asked me how she could serve her elderly sisters in the Lord.  Bless her heart, I thought.  Here is someone who, despite her youth (mid-20s), really understands how God feels about his aged children.
            You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the LORD  (Lev 19:32).
            Since the government now considers me "elderly," you would think I have a lot of answers to give her.  The thing is, while I may move slower, wear out faster, and hurt more, I really don't feel "elderly."  When you start talking about the elderly, I always think you are talking about someone else.  But I did care for my mother until her death at 91, and I know very well what she liked and needed.
            My mother liked to "go."  She couldn't handle long rides, but she loved eating lunch out after a short shopping trip or a visit to the doctor.  She especially loved dinner at our house.  When we picked her up, she would gaze out the car window as if she had never been anywhere in her life, even if it was the same old rural highway, along the same old fields and forests to my house.  A couple of hours, and sometimes not that much, was about all she could handle, especially the last year, but her mood lifted and she slept better that night just from the added activity.
            Her next favorite things were visits.  Visits break up the monotony of the day and keep one day from blending into the next.  If you don't know what to talk about when you visit, stop worrying.  Those older people have lived lives just as busy and exciting as yours.  Just ask a question or two, then sit back and let them talk.
            We spent some time with an elderly lady at church, and were happy to attend her ninetieth birthday party.  I had never known anyone but the gray-haired, no bigger than a minute lady who wore glasses every bit as thick as the ones I had as a child.  She seldom talked at church, but would give you a beautiful smile if you simply said hello.  At her party, her children had put out some old photos and there on the table was a petite, and gorgeous, brunette in her 20s. 
            "Is that you?" I asked. 
         "Oh yes," she said.  "That was when I toured Europe with the USO, entertaining the troops during World War II."  I nearly choked on my birthday cake.  I had had no idea.
            In my mother's last years I heard stories I would have never known if we had not moved her close to us and had those years together.  Things she had never spoken about before, including her conversion, hers and Daddy's honeymoon, and stories of her childhood with a Grandmother who died before I was born.  Older people love to reminisce.  Those memories are about all they have.  Go visit and give them an outlet.  You will be amazed at what you hear. Question after question will come to you with no trouble at all, and you will make them feel important again.
           And that's what they want more than anything else—to feel like they matter to someone.  No one wants to feel like a burden, like someone to be tolerated and a duty to be performed.  They need to feel like they still have something to offer, perhaps some wise advice or just an entertaining story.  That's what you can give them with hardly any effort at all.
           Most of you will become one of those elderly people one day.  You will understand then, but you will be stuck right where they are now, hoping someone realizes that they used to be an interesting person too.  Set the example for others now so that you don't wind up sitting in your rocker, day after lonely day, watching the world pass by, thinking that you don't matter to anyone any longer.
 
​Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life  (Prov 16:31).
 
Dene Ward

Keith had to have some fairly serious surgery last year and since he is 90% deaf, the doctor arranged for me to be in his hospital room as his caregiver 24/7.  He does read lips fairly well, but lip reading is not the perfect solution to the problem.  He must “fill in the blanks,” so to speak, as his mind tries to interpret the sounds his ears miss, which is most of them.  It takes a lot of concentration, and when he is tired or does not feel well, he simply cannot hear at all.  But over the years I have learned how to communicate in all the various ways, from hand signals to pantomime to pointing at people or things to carefully wording without overdoing the mouth movements or using too many words. 
            So for six days we were both away from home and wouldn’t you know it, it was the height of garden season.  When we came home I had to do it all because he couldn’t even lift more than 10 pounds for two months, let alone bend over to pick vegetables or drag hoses.  That first week was the worst.  I picked every morning, sprayed the whole garden twice, (we’re talking an 80 x 80 garden here), pulled cucumber vines covered with blight, chopped out and hauled away the old corn stalks, placed folded newspapers under 50 cantaloupes so they wouldn’t rot on the ground (a very thin-skinned variety), cleaned out weed-choked flower beds, put up both dill and red cinnamon pickles, and picked and tossed 8 five gallon buckets of squash and cucumbers that did not have the grace to stop growing while we were in the hospital!
            Of course we all know that is not going to happen.  The plants continue to grow, the blossoms continue to set, and the fruit grows far larger than you ever imagined it could.  The back field looked like a marching band had gone through throwing out big yellow saxophones as they passed.
            It works that way with children too.  I can think of dozens of things we planned to do with our boys when they were little—things we never got to.  Sometimes it was a case of no money, but sometimes we just let life get in the way.  I wrack my brain trying to remember if there was anything we planned that we actually accomplished at all!  But just like gardens, children keep on growing.  They don’t stop to wait until you have more time to spend with them, or more resources to spend on them.  They won’t wait till you get a bigger house or an easier job or a raise.  They won’t wait until your life is exactly like you want it.  If that’s what you are waiting for, it will never happen.  You have to set your own priorities and make it happen.
            Every summer I made my boys a chore list.  I am sure they remember it fondly!  No, probably not, but on that list was this:  “Play a game with mom.”  Guess which “chore” they never skipped?  Sometimes it was checkers, sometimes it was monopoly, sometimes it was even pinochle, a game they learned with some of their dad’s commentaries set up on the table to hide their hands because they were too small to hold all the cards at once.  Sometimes it was one of the board games I made to help them with their Bible knowledge.  And every day we had Bible study of some kind, whether just talking about things between the bean rows as we picked together or a formal sit down study. 
            These are just some ideas to help you along.  We have all heard the old poem “Children Don’t Wait.”  It’s true, and last summer I thought about that even more as I looked out over the overgrown garden.  Maybe my grandsons will reap a little from the repeat of a lesson that is never taught enough.
 
And he said unto them, Set your heart unto all the words which I testify unto you this day, which you shall command your children to observe to do, even all the words of this law. For it is no vain thing for you; because it is your life...Deut 32:46-47.
 
Dene Ward

Today is a day for lovers, or so the merchandisers of the world say.  Do Keith and I do anything special?  You better believe it.  It’s usually nothing huge—a card, a homemade gift, a bouquet of handpicked wildflowers, a special dessert.  We don’t try to single-handedly support Madison Avenue.  Sometimes Keith simply takes the day off and we spend time together talking—what a novel idea, especially for some married folks!  Not because we celebrate some Catholic “saint” or because we feel pressured by society, but because we take every opportunity to revel in our love.  How do you think we have managed to put up with each other for all these years?
            Romance is not an un-Biblical concept.  While the description of the body in several passages in the Song of Solomon may not appeal to our Western ears, it is still used in the courtship rituals of some Eastern countries today.  The Proverb writer speaks of romance like this: There are three things which are too wonderful for me, yes, four which I do not understand:  the way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent upon a rock, the way of a ship in the middle of the sea, and the way of a man with a maid, 30:18-20. 
            The writer of Ecclesiastes tells us to live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your life of vanity, which he has given you under the sun…for that is your portion in life, 9:9.  “Live joyfully” is an injunction; it is not passive.  Do not wait for it; initiate it yourself.  These passages were originally spoken to couples whose marriages were arranged.  Imagine what God expects of those of us who chose our own spouses after “falling in love.” 
            Two or three times a week as I clean out Keith’s lunchbox in the evening, I find red, heart-shaped love notes he has cut out of some office scrap paper and written—I know he has taken time out of a busy day to think of me.  And he usually calls during his lunch hour.
            Eating a nice dinner out is in our budget only a couple of times a year—and that is up from the early days of our marriage--but I can make a four course meal for two for the price of one entrée in an upscale restaurant, and enjoy doing it. Several times a year, we dress up, get out the china, light the candles, and have a meal I have worked on all day.  When the boys were little, I fixed them their own special meal—more along the lines of pizza than boeuf bourguignon--then explained how they could help mommy and daddy have a special time together by going to bed early, and staying there.  Besides the reward of their favorite meal, they could stay up late reading and talking to one another.  We occasionally heard thumps and giggles long after we would have ordinarily put a stop to it, but never once did they not fulfill their part of the bargain by interrupting us because we stressed to them how important their part was and they were thrilled to do it. 
            Marriage is a high maintenance relationship.  If you neglect it, it goes downhill in a hurry.  Do something today, no matter how small it may be—and whether or not the other one reciprocates--to keep that from happening.  Make sure it is something that will mean something to your spouse, not just to you!  Men and women are different that way (as if you hadn’t noticed).  Then choose another time to do it again—not just your anniversary or Valentine’s Day.  Do it sometimes for no good reason at all. Or isn’t keeping your marriage alive reason enough? 
            God expects you to romance one another.
 
Drink waters out of your own cistern, and running waters out of your own well.  Should your springs be dispersed abroad, and streams of water in the streets?  Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.  Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth.  As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times, and be ravished always with her love.  Prov 5:15-20   
 
Dene Ward