An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not evil, all the days of her life, Prov 31:10-12.
 
            Bathsheba gets short shrift most of the time.  Due to a lot of misunderstanding of cultural practices, she is accused of things she did not do, and blamed for things that were not her fault, but that is not what we are going to talk about today.  Today we are checking in on David and Bathsheba about thirty years later.  David is near death at the age of 70, and Bathsheba is around 50, or even less.*
            David has promised Solomon that he will be king, that, in fact, God Himself has chosen him to be the next king.  Adonijah, as the oldest living son, has other plans.  He sets about having himself crowned even as David lies on his deathbed.  He isn’t being particularly secretive, but he is very careful whom he invites to the coronation.  David’s mighty men are left out, as well as Zadok, who as a result of all this becomes the patriarch of the new high priest line promised in 1 Samuel 2, and Nathan the prophet also.
            Nathan comes to Bathsheba.  ‘Haven’t you heard?” he asks her.  Then he gives her careful instruction about telling David the news, and goes along with her to verify her story.  Bathsheba seems more than willing.  Perhaps it is a mother looking after the welfare of her son, but for her to have this close contact with David after all these years, when none of his other wives do, tells me their relationship became the prominent one.  She was the favorite, and as any wife would at this time, she made sure he was happy and had what he needed.
            The rest of the story doesn’t really matter to me today.  Maybe it is because I am older now, maybe it is because I have seen so many women doing it up close and personal, but the verse above from Proverbs 31 sprang to my mind when I thought of Bathsheba’s actions.  A good wife will see to her husband’s wishes, “doing him good and not evil,” even when he is no longer able to function.
            And the only way we can do that, ladies, is to ask what he wants.  If you haven’t, you need to sit down together and ask him those tough questions.  If you have a will, and you should, that will help, but perhaps he has other things, not valuable things, but things he cherishes, that he would like to go to someone in particular.  Find out and write it down.  Perhaps he wants a certain man to preach his funeral.  Find out who.  Perhaps he wants certain songs to be sung.  Find out which ones. 
            Then there are the really difficult decisions.  Does he want to be an organ donor?  Does he have a living will?  If he is very ill already, does he have a DNR?  If he were to reach the point that he no longer knows anyone, how does he want to be cared for?
            Life has a way of stealing a man’s identity and our society’s ridicule of the elderly doesn’t help a bit.  The doctor may tell him he can no longer drive.  Be careful what you say to others in his hearing.  You may not think it a big deal, but for some men driving represents more than just going somewhere.  God has programmed into our men the need to provide and protect, and in a society where we no longer face angry natives on the warpath and food is always just around the corner at Publix, he has few ways of doing that.  Driving may be one of them.  Don’t steal his manhood with your comments about this or anything else he can no longer do. 
            We could go on and on with this, but I imagine you have gotten my point.  Because of the emotions involved these things are difficult to talk about, even when we have absolute faith in the reward God promises.  Some men will refuse, but do what you can.  Listen to him when he talks to others and make a note in your mind of what he says if you can’t get him to say it to you, but do your best to know what he wants and then do those things for him when he is lying there completely unable, just as David was.
            An aside here—there are some things a man has no business telling his wife to do.  He should not tell you to never remarry if you would like to.  Especially if you are young, which is a whole lot older than it used to be to me, Paul himself says you should remarry (1 Tim 5:14).  Death breaks the marriage bond (Rom 7), and he no longer has that hold on you.  And of course, anything sinful you can rightly ignore. 
            Back to our point—please do this today.  Do not use your youthful age as an excuse.  One inch either way and a bullet would have made me a widow at 42.  Then there was the stroke Keith had when I was 49.  I can tell you sad tales of people who have succumbed to accident or disease even earlier than that.  These days women usually outlive their men, especially if they are several years younger, as I am.  It is only sensible to be ready.  How can you possibly “do him good and not evil” when you don’t know what good he wants?
            And then do this for him too.  Sometimes we women do go first.  Tell him what you want.  If you start the ball rolling, maybe it will come more easily for him.  Once you both have it down, you can rest easy, and on the day when one or the other of you finally do go to that promised rest, the one you leave behind can rest too.
 
The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away…So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom, Psalm 90:10,12
 
*To read my take on Bathsheba, go over to the right sidebar and click on Bible People.  Scroll down several articles and a couple of pages to find “A Case of Mistaken Identity.”
 
Dene Ward

I have been doing a lot of outside reading for some classes I am teaching, and find myself reading blurbs on the backs of these books at odd times, usually when my mind needs a rest from all the scholarly stuff my old and feeble brain is trying to make sense of.  I saw this one a few weeks ago and it stopped me in my tracks.
            “In Story as Torah Gordon Wenham showed how biblical narrative texts little used by ethicists, can inform Christian moral teaching.”  John Barton, University of Oxford.
            In other words, the man has written a book in which he uses the Bible “stories,” as we are prone to call them, to teach us right and wrong.  First, I do understand that the word “inform” has a special meaning in scholarly circles, but it still seems plain to me that the critic is saying that using the Bible this way is highly unusual, in fact, a groundbreaking idea. 
            I sit here wondering why they are reading their Bibles at all if they have not figured this out before.  We do this every Sunday in Bible classes.  I did it every day when my children were growing up.  I do it now when my grandsons come for a visit.  We talk about the Bible narratives and how they teach us we should be behaving in our lives.  We talk about Noah and how “everyone is doing it,” proves that “it” is probably wrong.  We talk about Daniel and how important prayer is, and how God takes care of the faithful.  We talk about Elijah and the One True God.  We talk about Judas and betrayal, about Peter and impetuosity—and then forgiveness.  We talk about Jonah and God’s love for everyone and our responsibility to share that love.  My children grew up knowing what the Bible is for.  What in the world did these people think they should do with it?
            And we can laugh at them and think ourselves so much better than they, but are we?  We know the Bible is to be used to “inform” our lives, but does it?  Does the sermon go in one ear and out the other?  Do the Bible classes become exercises in finding yet another way to bring up my pet hobby, or to show everyone how much I know instead of finding something I need to improve on?  Do I give the right answers and then go out and live the wrong ones?
            Before we laugh at men who have become a little too smart for their own good, let’s check our own behavior.  We may know better, but are we doing it?
 
Now these things took place as examples for us, that we might not desire evil as they did. Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, “The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.” We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day. We must not put Christ to the test, as some of them did and were destroyed by serpents, nor grumble, as some of them did and were destroyed by the Destroyer. Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come, 1Cor 10:6-11.
 
Dene Ward
 

Sitting on the back of our carport in our lounge chairs with a final cup of morning coffee, we look straight at the little wooden shed Keith built over thirty years ago.  Just on its front left is the sour orange tree I wrote about so long ago.  It is as high as two sheds now, and that's after Keith cut the top out a few years back because we could no longer reach the oranges to pick them.  Behind the shed stretches the long spreading arm of the live oak that stands well to its left.  After that the yard is empty for maybe fifteen feet before another live oak, this one not nearly as old or large, grows just to the left of the equipment shed.  Then the woods start in earnest, around the fire circle on one side and our doggy burial ground on the other, off to the creek and then the neighbor's own forested patch.
            Most of the time, all you see is green—branches, limbs, sprigs, leaves, air plants, mold on the bark, all shades of that cool, verdant color.  But early in the day, especially in the summer after a nighttime rain or a heavy dew or during a suffocating humidity, all that green literally drips with jewels.  Most of the time we see "diamonds."  As we sit there sipping we are facing east and the sun seeps through the cracks between limbs and leaves and refracts through the drops of water.  Of course, the sun is still rising, and as it gradually moves up the angle will change sometimes just for a moment, but other times for several minutes.  Suddenly the tree is dripping with sapphires as a pale blue light appears on each leaf.  And when you are really lucky, a ruby shows up, glinting in the morning breeze and the slowly moving sunbeam, winking at you like a flirting girl.
            We have a lot of fun looking for the hanging jewels on our trees.  Which one will be lucky today and get a ruby?  Who will only have plain, old sparkling diamonds?  It matters where you sit, you see, and how the light hits those water drops from your particular angle.  But, in truth, all of them are beautiful.  Even a tree full of diamonds is far prettier than a plain old tree with no jewelry at all.

            And how we look also depends upon how the Son shines on us.
​And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. ​For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God (John 3:19-21).
So Jesus said to them, “The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going. While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light.” When Jesus had said these things, he departed and hid himself from them (John 12:35-36).
For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light  (Eph 5:8).

            These passages make it plain that we can't just hang about like dewdrops on a tree waiting for the Son to shine on us.  We must actively seek his light, showing it through a life of faith and good works.  But once we do, once we submit ourselves to Him, He can turn us into diamonds, sapphires, and rubies, beautiful hearts living beautiful lives, sharing His light with the world.  No matter how you started out, God can turn you into a gem.
 
Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  (John 8:12).
 
Dene Ward

A couple of years ago, Keith received a veteran’s pass to a Tampa Bay Rays game in St Petersburg.  (By the way, there may be a Green Bay, but there is no such town as Tampa Bay.  Tampa Bay signifies an area on the central west coast of Florida, usually including Tampa, St Petersburg, Clearwater and their suburbs.) 
            But the game was at the end of the season after the Rays’ play-off hopes were gone.  At first you would think it wouldn’t be much of a game, but you would be wrong.  Young players who had been called up from farm teams for the expanded September rosters were playing for a place on the major league team next season.  Older players were playing to show their worth, either for a contract renewal or for another team to show some interest in a trade.  Established players were playing for personal records—a better ERA, consecutive years with a certain number of home runs and RBIs.  I knew it would still be a game worth watching.  No one would be “phoning it in.”
            But imagine there was nothing left to play for.  Imagine they were just playing out the season because it was a contract requirement.  How many home runs would you expect?  How many wins?  And how many fans would bother to show up at all?
            Some of us play at the game of life like that.  We look at our meager accomplishments, at the few years we have left, and decide there is nothing worth living for, nothing worth working for, nothing to look forward to but day after day of waking up to uselessness until one morning you don’t wake up at all.  And as far as heaven goes?  We seem to hope we have enough warning before death to shoot off a last prayer for forgiveness because surely that’s the only “hope” we have.
            Too many of us have bought into the world’s idea of hope—something insecure, uncertain, and probably not going to happen at all. Go out tomorrow and plant a seed.  Now read 1 Cor 9:10:  the plowman plows in hope.  What do you think is going to happen to that seed you planted?  You “hope” it will grow.  If a farmer hoped the way most of us hope, he would never plant in the first place.  “Hope” in the Bible means something is going to happen, and you are simply waiting for it, waiting like someone standing at an established bus stop at the established time, not someone who just guessed what route the bus takes and which corner it might stop at and when, and “hoping” you guessed correctly.
            By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance…for he was looking forward to the city that has foundations who builder and designer is God…these all died not having received the promises but having seen and greeted them from afar, Heb 11:8,10,13.  Could wealthy Abraham have given up a comfortable home to live in tents the last half of his life, could he have stood on that mountain ready to sacrifice his son if he had just crossed his fingers and “hoped” he had a future beyond this life?  No, he had Biblical hope.  He knew he had a reward waiting.
            And so do you—something even better than moving up from Double A, or even Triple A, to a permanent place on the roster of a major league team, and something a whole lot more certain—even if your batting average isn’t quite as high as the next guy’s, even if all they can count on you for is a sac-fly every so often instead of a grand slam.  You still have something to play for, a place “prepared from the foundation of the world,” one that will be there no matter who wins the pennant.
 
And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises, Heb 6:11-12.
 
Dene Ward
 

While I was still teaching I had some wonderful voice students, even way out here in the sticks.  I had a beautiful young blonde who could hit high C with little effort at all.  I had an older teenage girl whose voice was as full and lovely as a twenty-something--my first ever win at NATS (National Association of Teachers of Singing).  I had another whom I taught practically her whole childhood—from kindergarten to senior in high school.  If ever there was a natural at Musical Theater it was her.  I can still hear her perfect cockney accent as Eliza Doolittle.  Then there was Sondra.
            Sondra was a beauty with black ringlets and clear, pale skin.  But Sondra was from Union County, Florida.  This is not the metropolitan Florida that so many know from DisneyWorld and Miami Beach.  This is Deep South, Florida Cracker, Southern Redneck, Union County, and when she talked you heard every bit of it.  But her voice?  She could sing Italian arias and German lieder and American art songs like they were meant to be sung.  And despite her country upbringing, she loved every one of them.
            Her very first year with me she made it to finals at State Contest.  Since the students were all participating in more than one event and had to fit them in their schedule as they could, the judges could not go by the computer-generated list.  The students simply signed up ahead of time on a paper at the door, guessing when they thought they could be at each particular event.  That meant the judges had to be careful to know exactly who they were judging, so they could find the name on their alphabetical list.  Sondra had signed up first for that event and when her name was called she walked before the panel of judges and I sat down at the piano, which was slanted away from the judges, but a bit toward her.  As they had asked her to, she told them her name and the name of her song.
            "Mah nay-eme is Sawndra an' ah will be singing 'Mah How-oose' by Leonard Bern-steen," and say that with a wide mouth and an accent as slow and countrified as you can.  I watched the judging panel as they each began to lower their heads and look down at their judging sheet.  I couldn't tell if they were smiling or grimacing, but I knew exactly what they were thinking:  This one doesn't have a chance.  How did she ever make it to State? 
After that I had to turn my attention to the piano so I did not get to see the judges' reactions when she began to sing, but one of my other students told me that as soon as the first note came out of Sondra's mouth, the judges all got whiplash as they jerked their heads up and sat there in amazement.  Yes, Sondra was a country girl and no, she could not pronounce Leonard Bernstein correctly no matter how many times I corrected her, but man, could she sing!  Sondra won State Contest.
            Judge not according to appearance, but judge righteous judgment.  (John 7:24).
             Lucky for Sondra, she had a panel of righteous judges.  They refused to be swayed by a whale of an accent, but rather, when the evidence was placed before them, saw—and heard--what was clearly the best voice in the state that year, at that level.  By Sondra's senior year in high school, other people could finally see it, too.  She was invited to perform a presentation of four songs in the county's Stellar Student Concert Series.
          Don't ever think that you are not prone to "unrighteous judgment."  Keith has been banned from a couple of pulpits because he is "loud and everyone thinks you are mad."  I want to grab them by the collar, give them a good shake and say, "He's loud because he is deaf.  Where is your compassion?"  I know a marvelous Bible class teacher.  The first time I heard him, I had to pinch myself to stay awake a few times, but by the time he finished, I realized that I had heard possibly the best lesson of my life.  This man knows his stuff and he leaves you thinking about passages in new and exciting ways.  But because his delivery is dry, I have heard people call him the worst teacher they ever heard.  Over the years, with Keith's encouragement, he has improved his methods, but still, few can get past that first impression from so many years ago.  How fair is that judgment?
            And how about those folks who walk into your assemblies not dressed up to your standards?  Could I just make one suggestion?  Watch and listen with an open mind.  If they sing the songs like they know them, and their children know the Bible class lesson as well as the teachers do, and if the parents make comments in Bible class that make you stop and say, "Hmmm," don't embarrass yourself by assuming they are drifters who just hoped to get some money out of you.  If you have been with me for years and years, you know my story on that one.
            And if you have been unfairly judged yourself, do yourself a favor and let it go.  If the circumstances had been reversed, would you have done any better?  Be honest with yourself and then get on with your life.  Letting a perceived unfairness color your attitudes from then on will make you more miserable than the ones you harbor resentment against.  Someday, sooner than you want to think, you will stand before the righteous Judge of all, and He will be fairer than you really want Him to be.  But He will also offer far more grace than any human you ever have to deal with in this life.
          Just keep doing your best and remember this:  Regardless of what anyone else may think about you, someday, that righteous Judge will look at you and say, "Well done."
 
And there shall come forth a shoot out of the stock of Jesse, and a branch out of his roots shall bear fruit. And the Spirit of Jehovah shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of Jehovah. And his delight shall be in the fear of Jehovah; and he shall not judge after the sight of his eyes, neither decide after the hearing of his ears; but with righteousness shall he judge the poor, and decide with equity for the meek of the earth; and he shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth; and with the breath of his lips shall he slay the wicked. And righteousness shall be the girdle of his waist, and faithfulness the girdle of his loins.  (Isa 11:1-5).
 
Dene Ward
 
 

“What do you think about the role of women in the church?”
            The subject is a minefield.  No one seems to be able to keep their own prejudices and sore spots out of it.  Women are quick to point out the failings of men as if that undoes the dictates of God.  Men are quick to pontificate about the worst of women, even straying into women in the work force and the evils of abortion as if that had anything to do with the issue.  Not a few pat themselves on the back about how well they treat women and why would any woman want anything more than their wonderful selves?  (Am I not better to thee than seven sons? Elkanah asked Hannah.)  Everyone wants to add the “what ifs” and invent artificial boundaries that the scriptures never speak of.  And we think the Pharisees were ridiculous with their traditions. 
            But I am asked—often.  So here is, not what I think, but what it seems obvious that the Bible says.
            Do women have a leadership role as Christians?  Yes.  “Children obey your parents” Eph 6:1, obviously includes mothers who, last I checked, were all women. 
           The older women are to “train the younger,” Titus 2:4.  When I teach my Bible classes, I have control of the students.  I am the one who directs the discussion and sets its boundaries in time and content.  I am the one responsible for correction if error is spoken.   Sounds like leadership to me.
Women are to “rule the household” 1 Tim 5:14.  A lot of men completely miss that one.  It means she has a domain and he has no business micromanaging her in it unless she is doing a poor job of stewarding his provision for the family.
            On the other hand, whenever the church is talked about as an assembled group, things are much different.  Women are specifically told to “learn quietly with all submissiveness” 1 Tim 2:11.  As to the command in 1 Cor 14 that women are to “be silent,” we need to recognize the context and pull out every other time that two word phrase is used in that same context before we make blanket statements about women not opening their mouths until the “amen” has been said.  But that does not undo 1 Timothy 2 in any way.
            I could go on about Paul’s statement that a woman is not “to teach nor have dominion over a man.”  I could talk about parsing the sentence.  I could just bypass that and go to the obvious point that the preposition “over” has to go with both “teach” and “have dominion” or else the Bible contradicts itself.  Priscilla obviously helped teach Apollos and if all teaching is forbidden to women then that includes teaching children and women (which we have already seen is commanded) and singing (“teaching and admonishing yourselves in songs…”—the Greek word is the same in both passages) and you know what?  Everyone would have to completely ignore all godly women because their example teaches even if they never open their mouths.  But don’t you see?  There is something much more basic going on when we take issue with the scriptures.
            Whenever I hear women trying to sidestep 1 Tim 2:11, when I hear them rationalizing about their talents and how God wouldn’t want them wasted, when I hear them talking about Paul as if he were not an inspired apostle, when I hear them listing the failings of the men in their group (as if they had none) and dreaming up everything they can possibly think of that might make an exception, I think of Psalm 119:97:  Oh how I love your law, it is my meditation all the day.  When I try to weasel my way out of God’s commands, when I try to avoid them in any way possible, what does that say about how I feel about them?  Doesn’t much sound like "loving His law" to me.
            God is my Lord, not the other way around.  He has told us exactly how He wants things to be done.  I have no business telling Him that my way is better or that He ought to accept my way because I did it with a good heart.  I have no business railing against Him about why He gave me a certain talent if He won’t let me use it the way I want to use it.  I remember a few men in the Old Testament who learned that lesson the hard way.   Ladies, God will treat you equally.  Isn’t that what you want?  Or is it?
            If I love the law of God, if He is my Lord, I will not try to worm my way out of His commands, no matter how many men or Pharisaical Christians abuse them.  THAT is my answer to the question.
 
I am your servant; give me understanding, that I may know your testimonies! It is time for the LORD to act, for your law has been broken. Therefore I love your commandments above gold, above fine gold. Therefore I consider all your precepts to be right; I hate every false way.  Ps 119:125-128
 
Dene Ward

Retirement is a wonderful thing.  No more rushing around every morning, swallowing a quick breakfast whole, throwing on an outfit, and rushing out the door after a quick peck on your wife’s cheek.  At least that’s the way it was for Keith for several decades. 
            Now it’s a leisurely breakfast in your pajamas with a second cup of coffee, and then a third out on the carport, watching the birds swoop down in front of us to the bird feeder, hummingbirds battling over their feeder like tiny pilots in fighter planes, and Chloe sitting next to us, her tail swishing sparkly grains of sand over the concrete. 
           We have a little ritual with her—three or four doggie treats that Keith sails out toward the flower bed one at a time with her tearing after them, sniffing around in the grass until she finds the morsel, then rolling in the dew wet grass in doggy euphoria before returning to her post at our feet, or even under our chairs—the better to garner a belly rub.
            He always throws the treats in the same direction, slightly south of east, and makes the same whistle like a missile falling to the earth, and she has become habituated to the whole routine.  We did not realize how much until one morning he threw it north of east instead of south.  Even though she watched him do it, she still ran southeast and sniffed the ground in ever widening circles, becoming more and more frustrated when she could not find the treat.  Finally he had to get up and walk in the direction he threw it and call her over.  Eventually her nose found it, but you would have thought we had punished her as she dragged herself back without her customary cheerfulness, her tail sagging almost between her legs.  She was not happy again until he had thrown the next treat in the right direction—translation:  the one she expected.
            Have you ever shown a friend a scripture that teaches something obvious, only to have him say, “I can’t see that?”  Have you ever had her read something out loud only to answer your unspoken comment with, “But I don’t believe it that way?”  Almost unbelievable, isn’t it?  Don’t think for a minute that you are immune to the same failing.  What you can see, what you do believe, depends a whole lot on what you are looking for. 
            The worst thing you can do in your Bible study is go searching for something to back up what you already think.  In fact, I often tell brand new classes, “The biggest hindrance to learning is what you think you already know.”  I have had students who were intelligent and sincere look at something everyone else could see but not see it, and nearly every time it is because of some preconceived notion they grew up with or heard somewhere a long time ago and have not been able to let go.  Even something as plain as the nose on their faces.
            What you already know will also raise a stop sign in your learning path.  As soon as you find what you thought was there, you will stop looking, when just a little more study and uninhibited consideration would have shown you something brand new.  The same thing happens when you rely on old notes.  You will never see anything new until you rid yourself of old ideas.  You will never find a deeper understanding if you think you have already dredged as far as you can go.
            Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind,” John 9:39.  He was not talking to unbelievers.  He was not talking to pagans.  He was talking to people who thought they knew God’s word inside out, who could quote whole books, who kept the law in the minutest detail, proud of how exact they were—even beyond exact—and the fact that they were children of Abraham.  Guess who that translates to today? 
            When was the last time you learned anything new?  Thought any new thoughts?  Discovered any new connections in the scriptures?  When was the last time you changed your mind about something?  Can you see it if it’s thrown in a direction you never thought of before, or are you as blind as those people who were sure they knew what their Messiah would look like and how he would act?  When he came out of left field, they were lost.  How about you?
 
…and if you are sure that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of children, having in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth— you then who teach others, do you not teach yourself…? Rom 2:19-21.
 
Dene Ward
 

Today's post is by guest writer Lucas Ward.
 
I know, I know, I'm neither married nor do I have children so I have no right to write on this subject.  That is the usual reaction of most, isn't it?  It occurs to me that the two men who spoke the most on these subjects in the NT were Jesus and Paul, neither of whom were married or had kids.  How did they speak wisely on the subject?  Well, they spoke as the Holy Spirit directed them (Mark 13:11, John 8:28).  While I am in no way claiming inspiration, I can read what the inspired writers wrote down and pass on those principles.  So, in this post I will take care to not include any of my opinions nor any of the things I've heard my parents say as they taught marriage and family classes, but will present only what the Holy Spirit directed Solomon to say.  So, if you dislike or disagree with any of the following, you aren't disagreeing with me, but with the principles the Holy Spirit laid down through Solomon.
 
The first clear principle that Solomon lays down is that if you want to be a good parent, you must first make sure you are walking in the light.
Prov. 20:7  "The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!" 
Prov. 14:26  "In the fear of the LORD one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge." 
If a father or mother is righteous and walks in integrity, the children will be better off.  Blessed.  His children will have refuge from the chaos of this world.  This doesn't mean that you have to be completely perfect, but rather that your walk is in the light, instead of predominately in the dark.  A parent who doesn't care about being right himself can do immense damage to his family.
Prov. 11:29  "Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise of heart."
The proverb seems to be the gist of what Paul was speaking of in Eph. 6:4   "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."  So, as a parent, our first duty to our children is to ensure that we are walking right with God.  Good parenting will naturally follow.
 
The second thing Solomon says about child rearing is that it involves training.
Prov. 22:6  "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." 
Training in its nature implies time taken.  It implies a plan followed.  If you were paying a personal trainer to help you get in shape and he cancelled half your appointments and when he did show up he just randomly assigned you different exercises until it became plain he was not following any sort of planned program, you'd fire him, wouldn't you?  God has assigned us to train our children.  In these efforts, are we any different from that horrible physical trainer?  Solomon gives an example of how he worked to give his son a path to wisdom.
Prov. 22:17-21  "Incline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge, for it will be pleasant if you keep them within you, if all of them are ready on your lips.  That your trust may be in the LORD, I have made them known to you today, even to you.  Have I not written for you thirty sayings of counsel and knowledge, to make you know what is right and true, that you may give a true answer to those who sent you?" 
Solomon not only taught his son, but wrote out 30 sayings for his son to learn.  He was working to lead his son in the right way.  Parents must have a plan, follow it, and be around their kids enough to know if it is working. 
Prov. 20:11  "Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright." 
Jesus said, "By their fruits you shall know them."  Solomon says the same about children.  We can know who they are by what they do.  Which means that parents should be paying attention so they can see if they need to adjust their planned training of their children to meet who their child actually is.  My parents tell me that I was a stubborn child who, when very young, would listen to Dad tell me not to do something and then, grinning, do it right in front of him.  Nathan, on the other hand, would say, "OK", leave, and then sneak back to do it when Dad wasn't around.  We made ourselves known by our acts and Dad and Mom had to adjust their training of us accordingly.  Parents should be teaching children a lifestyle discipline.
Prov. 29:17  "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." 
Prov. 19:18  "Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death." 
That last one is a bit funny.  I think all parents have a moment in which they just want to strangle their children. Solomon understands that and says, no, don't kill them, there is still hope.  Follow the discipline plan you've made and eventually "he will give delight to you heart."
 
Usually when we think of discipline, we think of punishment, which is not really correct.  However punishment is a part of teaching a discipline and of child rearing.  Solomon (from the Holy Spirit, remember) approved of corporal punishment in all areas of life (10:13, 14:3, 19:29, 20:30, 26:3) so it is not surprising that he approved of it in child rearing. 
Prov. 22:15  "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him."
Prov. 23:13-14  "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.  If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol."
 
There are two things to note in these passages.  First, the goal in mind:  to drive away folly and save his soul from Hell.   Good parents aren't striking their children just because they are angry.  They don't hit them because they had a bad day at work or they are disappointed in how their lives are going.  They apply corporal punishment as needed in following their plan to train up their child.  They do it for the purpose of driving out foolishness and saving the child from hell.   Also notice that "if you strike him with a rod, he will not die."  If your child is winding up in the hospital because of your "discipline", then you are doing it wrong!  This is supposed to be enough to straighten them up, not injure them.  The Bible does not condone child abuse.  Again, THE BIBLE DOES NOT CONDONE CHILD ABUSE.  It does, however, strongly endorse properly applied corporal punishment as a teaching tool.
Prov. 29:15  "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." 
Prov. 13:24  "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." 
Again, the purpose of reproving your child and using the switch is to give wisdom.  The other option is a child who brings shame to his parents.  As to the parents who say that they just can't bring themselves to spank their children, Solomon says it is because you don't love them enough.  Just as when Jesus says that if you don't hate your father and mother etc, you can't be His disciple (Luke 14:26) He doesn't mean to hate them, but to love Him enormously more, and Prov. 13:24 doesn't mean the parent actively hates the child and therefore withholds punishment, but rather he doesn't love the child enough to do what's in the child's best interest, even though it hurts the parent.  Let's face, you love that cute little bugger and it hurts to even think about being the reason he is crying.  It makes you sick to think about causing him pain.  If you truly love him, however, you will be diligent in your discipline.  "Diligent" implies hard work, and this is very hard for many parents, but remember the purpose:  to drive out foolishness, instill wisdom, and save his soul from hell.  That little pain you inflict when he is young will save him from huge amounts of pain later in this life and especially after it. 
There are a lot of people who disagree with this method of child rearing.  Despite it being taught by the wisest man ever, inspired by God to teach it, there is a growing number of people in the Church who don't follow the method (and then later wonder why their children went astray).  

Again, I am not giving you my opinion.  I simply read you what the Proverbs teach, so you aren't disagreeing with me, but with what the Holy Spirit led Solomon to write.  Let me leave you with one final proverb.
Prov. 14:12  "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death."
So, therefore,
Prov. 22:6  "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." 
 
Lucas Ward
 

Then Shemaiah the prophet came to Rehoboam and to the princes of Judah, who had gathered at Jerusalem because of Shishak, and said to them, “Thus says the LORD, ‘You abandoned me, so I have abandoned you to the hand of Shishak.’” Then the princes of Israel and the king humbled themselves and said, “The LORD is righteous.” When the LORD saw that they humbled themselves, the word of the LORD came to Shemaiah: “They have humbled themselves. I will not destroy them, but I will grant them some deliverance, and my wrath shall not be poured out on Jerusalem by the hand of Shishak. Nevertheless, they shall be servants to him, that they may know my service and the service of the kingdoms of the countries,.” 2Chr 12:5-8.
            It’s easy, when you find yourself in a trying situation, to make excuses for your behavior; to say, “Woe is me,” and expect everyone to sympathize with you and pat you on the back, not just occasionally or even often, but almost as if it were a daily penance on their part because you have to deal with the difficult and they don’t—at least in your mind.
            “Why is this happening to me?” can become a mantra if you aren’t careful.  Maybe God, in the passage above, answers that question.
            Judah repented when they learned the consequences of their disobedience and God repented their destruction.  But He did not stop their servitude to the king of Egypt.  “This way they will learn how to serve me,” he told the prophet.
            Did you ever think that maybe that “unjust” master (boss) was there to teach you service?  Or that difficult spouse? 
            Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly, 1Pet 2:18-19.
            Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct, 1Pet 3:1-2.
            Did you ever think that maybe that obnoxious neighbor or ornery brother in the Lord might be there to teach you patience and forbearance?
            Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing, 1Pet 3:9.
In fact, doesn’t God expect us to use every situation, whether blessing or trial to improve as His servant?  The sufferings we endure are meant to be opportunities for growth, not merit badges on a boastful sash.
            Suffering does not make us exempt to the call to service.  People in all situations of life have been serving God as hard as they can for as long as they can, whether rich or poor, sick or healthy, hungry or full, old or young, even in slavery, for thousands of years.  The place God puts us is the test of our faith.  Will you pass the test? 
 
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you, 1Pet 5:10.
 
Dene Ward

It happens all the time in exactly the same way.  Sometimes we are coming out to our own rock-lined fire ring up against the eastern woods.  Other times we are rebuilding in the metal ring of a state park campsite.  Feathery white ashes cover the circle as much as four or five inches deep, the remains of a dead fire from the morning or even the night before.  But lean over and blow on those ashes and red embers glow beneath.  Hold your hands a few inches above and feel the warmth from that earlier fire.
            So we start gathering twigs of all sizes.  First we lay on a handful of pine straw, which almost immediately begins to smoke, followed by twigs the circumference of darning needles, then pencils, then finally some as big around as your thumb.  Usually before we are finished the straw is burning and once we hear the first crackle of wood, we know we have been successful.  If we have it, a sliver of lighter wood will ensure the fire doesn't go out, especially if we must take the time to grab a hatchet or axe and do some log splitting.  Now we're ready to sit back and warm our bones, throwing on another full size log as needed.
            You can learn a lot from a campfire.  For one thing, those tiny darning-needle-sized twigs are just as important as a larger log.  The latter may last much longer and give out more heat, but it would never have caught in the first place without the smaller twigs.  It might smoke and char a bit on the outside, but that's about it.
            For another, you aren't the only thing a good fire warms up.  Sometimes in our zeal for warmth, we stack twigs so high that a few fall off and roll to the back of the ring.  I was watching one on an early cool spring morning, seven or eight inches long, maybe a half inch in diameter, as it stood against the back side of the ring, at least a foot from the flames.  Suddenly, without a spark landing on it and without even smoking first, it burst into flame.  It had been a roaring fire.  We had already backed our chairs away a good two or three feet further, and it was so hot that a twig a good foot or so away had burst into flame without even being in the fire.
            So which piece of wood are you?
            Are you the small, seemingly insignificant twig that catches quickly and then passes its heat on to another and another and yet another?  The one who constantly mentions the Lord in your life and the love and generosity of spirit in your brethren rather than complaining about them?
            Are you the one who burns so hot that anyone nearby catches on fire, too?  The one who brings your friends, who peppers the preacher with questions they have asked you as you try to satisfy their curiosity and teach them the truth?
            Are you the larger log that burns long and hot, leaving embers behind that will help others start yet another fire after you are gone, one that might even burn larger and hotter than anything you ever imagined?  The parents who faithfully teach children who grow up to preach the Word to hundreds, who work long and hard to start a congregation in your area, who hold Bible studies in your home and attend gospel meetings as your Friday night entertainment?
            Campfires:  I have always enjoyed sitting next to one, watching the flames, yellow, orange, red, purple, and even blue, listening to the crackle and hiss, smelling the various smells of burning oak, hickory, and cedar.
            They are also a pretty good place to sit and think…
 
If I say, “I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,” there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.  (Jer 20:9).
 
Dene Ward