When I was fifteen, the teenage Bible class met upstairs in the building where the church assembled. The stairs were steep and narrow. After you become accustomed to something, you become careless, and one Sunday morning after the bell rang and the halls below were filled with talking and laughter, I headed down those stairs and stepped just a little too far. The front of my foot bent forward at an anatomically impossible angle, and my downward plunge didn’t stop till I hit the bottom.
Do you know what I did? Even though my foot started to swell like a balloon on a helium tank, even though the doctor shook his head and told me it was the worst sprain he had ever seen, even though that foot bothered me for six months and the ankle always twisted at the least bit of uneven ground for the next twenty years—despite the gravity of the injury and the pain, the first thing I did was push my skirt down. When I landed at the bottom of the staircase, it was up around my waist. That lasted approximately 0.2 seconds. Whoosh! It was down and back to my knees once again. Then, and only then, did I moan.
Modesty was second nature to me because I was taught it as a child. I have a friend who wouldn’t give the ER doctor her shirt, despite the fact that she was having a heart attack at that moment. That’s the way we were raised. That’s the way most people raised their daughters. I’m not so sure they do any longer.
This is something that most women do not want to hear. They do not want to believe what I am going to tell you about good men. They want to think that this only applies to bad men, to immature men, to worldly men, but it doesn’t. It applies to them all because they are men.
God made men differently than he made women. He put something in them that makes them think and behave differently. It’s a hormone, ladies, just like the hormones you want to use to excuse your less than stellar behavior at certain times of life, only it’s a male hormone.
Testosterone is what makes a man a man. It makes him aggressive and protective. That is why he romances you. That is why he wants to provide for you and take care of you and the children you have together. Good things, right? It also makes him more easily aroused sexually. He is not a “dirty old man” when he feels that way. He is, quite simply, a man. If he has to put up with your moods, you must put up with the side effects of his hormones too. And just like you expect him to be understanding, he has the right to expect the same from you—without ridicule and without complaint.
Far more important than that, God expects it of you. You must not do anything that could cause a man to sin (stumble, offend), and that leads us to the clothing we wear. Granted, we are talking about good men, men who practice self-control. Some men can lust after a woman who is covered head to toe in a horse blanket. You can’t do anything about them and God doesn’t hold you responsible for that. But when I hear a Christian college girl say to a young man, “I can wear my bikini if I want to--deal with it!” I know someone needs an attitude adjustment.
Look at Romans 14 and, instead of thinking about the idolatry problem, think about the clothes you wear. Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, "As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God." So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother, vv 10-13. When we don’t care how our actions affect our brothers, we are despising them, Paul says, judging them, and we will have to answer to God for that.
Now look at verse 15, with just one slight word change: For if your brother is grieved by what you [wear], you are no longer walking in love. By what you [wear], do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. Are you willing to meet God having destroyed a brother by your insistence that you can do as you like and he should “Deal with it?”
Every Man’s Battle is a book that every woman should read. As I said, you won’t like it. You won’t like thinking about the fact that the man you love is like that, but refusing to deal with the issue won’t change it. Once you understand what your man is dealing with, you will be able to help him through it.
And here is something else just as important: Teach your girls about it! Do you want to keep them safe in a world of predators? Teach them how to avoid the traps. How they act and what they wear can make a huge difference. And listen to their fathers. If he says, “She doesn’t leave the house in that outfit,” pay attention to him! He knows better than you what could happen if she does.
The fashion world knows exactly what it is doing when it creates the clothes women wear. Unlike the women in the church who want to stick their heads in the sand, worldly women can tell you in an instant what a woman’s clothes do to a man.
This is a serious matter. It’s about the destiny of souls, and God holding us responsible for them.
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! Matthew 18:6-7
Dene Ward
Do you know what I did? Even though my foot started to swell like a balloon on a helium tank, even though the doctor shook his head and told me it was the worst sprain he had ever seen, even though that foot bothered me for six months and the ankle always twisted at the least bit of uneven ground for the next twenty years—despite the gravity of the injury and the pain, the first thing I did was push my skirt down. When I landed at the bottom of the staircase, it was up around my waist. That lasted approximately 0.2 seconds. Whoosh! It was down and back to my knees once again. Then, and only then, did I moan.
Modesty was second nature to me because I was taught it as a child. I have a friend who wouldn’t give the ER doctor her shirt, despite the fact that she was having a heart attack at that moment. That’s the way we were raised. That’s the way most people raised their daughters. I’m not so sure they do any longer.
This is something that most women do not want to hear. They do not want to believe what I am going to tell you about good men. They want to think that this only applies to bad men, to immature men, to worldly men, but it doesn’t. It applies to them all because they are men.
God made men differently than he made women. He put something in them that makes them think and behave differently. It’s a hormone, ladies, just like the hormones you want to use to excuse your less than stellar behavior at certain times of life, only it’s a male hormone.
Testosterone is what makes a man a man. It makes him aggressive and protective. That is why he romances you. That is why he wants to provide for you and take care of you and the children you have together. Good things, right? It also makes him more easily aroused sexually. He is not a “dirty old man” when he feels that way. He is, quite simply, a man. If he has to put up with your moods, you must put up with the side effects of his hormones too. And just like you expect him to be understanding, he has the right to expect the same from you—without ridicule and without complaint.
Far more important than that, God expects it of you. You must not do anything that could cause a man to sin (stumble, offend), and that leads us to the clothing we wear. Granted, we are talking about good men, men who practice self-control. Some men can lust after a woman who is covered head to toe in a horse blanket. You can’t do anything about them and God doesn’t hold you responsible for that. But when I hear a Christian college girl say to a young man, “I can wear my bikini if I want to--deal with it!” I know someone needs an attitude adjustment.
Look at Romans 14 and, instead of thinking about the idolatry problem, think about the clothes you wear. Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, "As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God." So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother, vv 10-13. When we don’t care how our actions affect our brothers, we are despising them, Paul says, judging them, and we will have to answer to God for that.
Now look at verse 15, with just one slight word change: For if your brother is grieved by what you [wear], you are no longer walking in love. By what you [wear], do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. Are you willing to meet God having destroyed a brother by your insistence that you can do as you like and he should “Deal with it?”
Every Man’s Battle is a book that every woman should read. As I said, you won’t like it. You won’t like thinking about the fact that the man you love is like that, but refusing to deal with the issue won’t change it. Once you understand what your man is dealing with, you will be able to help him through it.
And here is something else just as important: Teach your girls about it! Do you want to keep them safe in a world of predators? Teach them how to avoid the traps. How they act and what they wear can make a huge difference. And listen to their fathers. If he says, “She doesn’t leave the house in that outfit,” pay attention to him! He knows better than you what could happen if she does.
The fashion world knows exactly what it is doing when it creates the clothes women wear. Unlike the women in the church who want to stick their heads in the sand, worldly women can tell you in an instant what a woman’s clothes do to a man.
This is a serious matter. It’s about the destiny of souls, and God holding us responsible for them.
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! Matthew 18:6-7
Dene Ward
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