• Dene's Blog
  • About Dene
  • Contact Dene
  • Dene's Recipes
  • Dene's Books
  • Dene's Classbooks
  • Gallery
  • Recommended Sites
  • FAQ & Tutorial
  Flight Paths

The Hot Mess Mentality 2

7/27/2016

5 Comments

 
Today I am going to take my life into my hands and offer a little motherly—oh, all right, grandmotherly—advice on overcoming this “hot mess” problem.  First, let me say this.  All these things took me years to come up with.  And lots of failures.  All I am doing is trying to save you some pain.  If they work, great, but if they don't, don't give up!  Find your own remedies.  Then you will have something to share with the next generation of struggling young women.

If your parents never gave you any real work to do, expecting it to be done well and on time “or else,” you are at a distinct disadvantage.  Learning how to work is your first task.  You would be surprised how many business owners complain about first time employees, usually teenagers working after school or on weekends, who do not understand what it even means to work, and to keep working even when they are tired, kids who do not show up for work on a consistent basis simply because “I didn’t feel like it today.”  The world doesn’t care how you feel today.  Get used to it.  “Work” means not just accomplishing what you have been told to do, but looking for more and doing “whatever your hand finds to do” Eccl 9:10.  And when you are managing a home, you seldom get a sick day off, much less a mere “I don’t feel like it” day.

            So what do you do if you feel like “a hot mess,” not just occasionally, but constantly?  Do not use it as your excuse du jour.  The young mother I quoted yesterday, Miranda Nerland, is absolutely correct in her assessment of the life God expects of us.  From the moment of the first sin, toil and labor have been our lot.  That is the reality of the situation.  So work.  Your mother got through it and so did mine.  Our grandmothers survived and so has every generation for thousands of years.  Stop acting like there is something special about you.  In fact, those earlier generations than yours and mine got through it without all the convenience items you use every day.  They washed diapers every day and hung them out to dry.  And before that, they rinsed those dirty diapers out in wash tubs while you roll them up and throw them away.  They worked on diapers for hours every day.  If they hadn’t, their children would have been running around bare-bottomed.  That task had to be completed no matter what else was going on that day or how tired they were, and that’s just one issue they had to deal with out of dozens of absolutely necessary things.

            Second, know yourself.  If you cannot talk and work, then be quiet.  Do whatever it takes to have the quiet time you need to accomplish at least the necessary.  When I see a young mother wondering why she cannot get things done and find five posts with her answering comments in 6 hours’ time, isn’t it obvious why she gets nothing done?  Unplug the land line, turn off your cell, turn off the TV for however long you have determined you need to get the absolute minimum accomplished.  It will all be there when you turn it back on.  And be flexible about when that time is.  For me, it was my children’s naptime.  As I said yesterday, that old chestnut about resting when the baby does did not work for me.  Do not be afraid to “break the rules.”

            If you are one of those folks who is constantly making lists, it’s time to work on the list.  Take that last list of “Things to Do” that has you in such a frenzy wondering how you will ever manage it, and just start doing those chores one at a time.  Mark them off as you work. 
           
            I was one of those list makers.  I would write it all down then sit there and become inordinately depressed just looking at it.  No way was I going to accomplish all this, I kept thinking.  Finally I learned to just start working and mark things off as I finished them.  I had wasted more time sitting there stewing than it took to complete some of those tasks, and once I got to work I finished far more quickly than I thought possible.  Even if you do not finish the list, seeing how much you have done will be encouraging rather than the opposite.  I loved marking things off.  Sometimes when I remembered a chore I did not have on the list, I wrote it in just so I could mark it off!  Wow!  I got ten things done today, not just the nine I had originally written down.

            If your children are old enough—which is not as old as you think need be--get them involved.  If they think they are helping you or doing a “grown-up” thing—call it whatever you need to keep them smiling--they will not view it as a chore.  Yes, you sometimes have to be creative and a little less picky about how things are done, but just the fact that they are busy gives you both more work time and more time with them.

            If you find just five or ten minutes free some time during the day, use it for another chore—a five or ten minute one.  My kitchen was swept far more often and more laundry put up because of that one little trick than if I had just sat down for those same five or ten minutes.  They usually happened for me when we were getting ready to walk out the door.  With just a little practice you will find those few extra minutes in your day.  Sometimes little things make a huge difference.

            Will this make you any less tired at the end of the day?  Not really, but you will be less stressed because you accomplished more and can see the difference.  But more than that, you will know that you are “working at home,” “managing your home” (I Tim 5:14), exactly the way God expects you to.  He does not expect you to do more than you are capable of, but most of us are capable of far more than we realize, especially when we quit whining and get to work! 

            God did not call any of us to be a “hot mess.”
 
She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Prov 31:13,15,17-19,27
 
Dene Ward
5 Comments
Andy Diestelkamp
7/28/2016 11:30:18 am

FANTASTIC! Thanks for the spanking. Men need to hear this too, and especially us preachers. Thank you for being a mother in Israel!

Reply
Dene
7/28/2016 02:22:43 pm

Thank you so much, Andy. I never in a million years expected all this attention. Right now I feel a little bit like a MEAN mother.

Reply
Anita Sewall
7/28/2016 04:31:14 pm

"Mean" mothers are usually doing the right thing! Thank you for this.

find out more link
12/24/2017 11:57:04 pm


I’ve been searching for some decent stuff on the subject and haven't had any luck up until this point, You just got a new biggest fan!..

Reply
Dene
12/27/2017 07:49:25 am

I am so glad you have found something you can use. Thank you for the feedback.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Author
    Dene Ward has taught the Bible for more than  forty years, spoken at women’s retreats and lectureships, and has written both devotional books and class materials. She lives in Lake Butler, Florida, with her husband Keith.


    Categories

    All
    A Wives Series
    Bible People
    Bible Study
    Birds & Animals
    Book Reviews
    Camping
    Children
    Cooking Kitchen
    Country Life
    Discipleship
    Everyday Living
    Faith
    Family
    Gardening
    Grace
    Guest Writer
    History
    Holiness
    Humility Unity
    Materialism
    Medical
    Music
    Prayer
    Psalms
    Salvation
    Trials

    Archives

    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly