About a week after we moved in, still trying to clean the place up and unpack, we received a letter from the HOA saying our "turf was weak" and we had "one week" to fix the problem or we would be fined every day after that until it was. This was not a good introduction to our HOA.
I sat down and sent an email to the property manager detailing all we were dealing with inside the house which was our priority, plus our ages and disabilities, and finally asked the question, "How exactly do you make ugly grass grow beautiful in one week?" Especially after just coming through a drought (as our next door neighbor told us). That did take care of the problem, but then two months later, we were having our yard dug up to fix the drainage issues in an HOA-approved action, and got another letter saying our sod needed replacing in ten days, "or else." The work would not even be finished for another month. Once again we called, and the problem was taken care of.
Then we received notice of the quarterly HOA meeting to which all residents were invited. So we went. Having arrived early and with only a couple of others besides the board of three (and one of them absent) and the property manager, we were able to engage in small talk and get to know one another better. Our impression? These were not unreasonable people. They were much friendlier than those two letters sounded and welcomed us into the neighborhood. Then the meeting began and we suddenly saw some of the things they dealt with, things that might have left me much less cheerful than they were.
At last we got our chance to speak, and we learned some things about how an HOA runs, the responsibilities they had that neither of us had ever guessed, and the legal ramifications if things were not done in a certain way. When Keith finally had his say, we were encouraged to always call when we got a letter so they could consider the circumstances. We discovered that they had, in fact, not fined anyone in years! The law says they have to treat every resident the same regardless their situation or they could be sued, but if we just called and talked to the property manager, it could probably be handled that way. Perhaps there are legitimate HOA horror stories, but we left with a much better opinion of our HOA.
Do you think it was that sort of communication that the Lord had in mind when he said that people with personal issues should get together and talk with one another first? (Matt 18:15-17). We went with an attitude to listen first. Listening taught us many things we were unaware of. Then when we had our turn to speak, we automatically tempered our language and heat level because we realized things we had never known before. We still had suggestions, but put them forth in a manner that meant the board listened instead of automatically tuning us out. We all understood one another a lot better, and we came up with a solution that kept them out of legal trouble and us from a lot of resentment.
When we go to others first before speaking to the brother in question, what should have been a small problem becomes much larger. Before long, something between two becomes something between a few dozen or more. Do we tell others because we want everyone's sympathy rather than a closer relationship with our brother? If so, that attitude tells tales on our own hearts, even if we are in the right in the personal matter—which is now no longer personal, and in which we are now no longer in the right because we have disobeyed the Lord's instructions for how to handle it.
God's way is not only the right way, it is the wise way. Maybe it will not always bring a good resolution because of the recalcitrance of the wicked, but it is far more likely to do so with a brother who has made an honest mistake or just acted in a moment of weakness than our disobedient way will.
Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another's secret, lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end (Prov 25:9-10).
Dene Ward