I am sitting here on the back porch of my children's new home, less than ten miles from the place I spent most of my remembered childhood.  Funny how the memories come flooding back.
 
             The sun seems much brighter here than in north central Florida, where I have spent the majority of my married life.  This may be only 120 miles further south toward the tropics, but I can barely stand to even look out the window without sunglasses on down here.  I remember that bright sun reflecting off the pavement wherever we went.  It almost made you wish for black tar roads—until you tried stepping on those barefoot and came away with something much worse than a sunburn.

              The spring breezes down here are cool and pleasant, but without that underlying chill that demands a sweater at the ready just that little bit further north.  We reveled in those almost perfect days when I was young because all too soon they were gone. 

           The summer heat is still that brutal slam when you step outside, but even so much closer to the coast here in Tampa, the humidity is less than that smothering blanket in the northern interior.  I don't ever recall having to deal with pouring sweat at 8 am.  As a child, I never felt like I might drown if I took too deep a breath!

              And the clockwork arrival of a summer afternoon thunderstorm every day, usually at 4:00.  Gray clouds nearly as dark as night, lightning streaking across the sky, thunder like an explosion, winds that increased 20 or 30 mph and temperatures that dropped twenty degrees in mere minutes, followed by a deluge that had traffic pulling off the road to wait it out, and those unfortunate souls caught outside, drenched in only a few seconds.

              I remember all these things from a childhood of walking three blocks to and from the bus stop, standing outside the locked school doors waiting after the bus had dropped us off and returned for a second route, raking up lawn clippings after my daddy mowed the yard, and swimming at a friend's "lake house."  The feel of this place hasn't changed a bit.

              But the details?  The traffic is thicker and louder.  The outlying areas, including the trailer park where we spent our first year of marriage five miles "out of town," are more densely populated and congested.  What used to be pastureland or strawberry and tomato farms is now subdivision after subdivision, "walled off" from the highway by a white board fence.  As Thomas Wolfe said, "You can't go home again," but really, you can, if your memories are strong, if you can sit still and think and feel all those things from so long ago.  That part hasn't changed a bit.

              I find myself remembering my early years more and more lately.  As good friends, some older but some exactly my age, pass on, those memories wake you up to what is really important.  Now I can look back and realize that I had a great childhood. 

             No, it wasn't perfect.  No, my parents did not do everything exactly right.  Neither did I as a parent.  But I am so grateful to them for teaching me right from wrong and respect for authority, for demanding I take responsibility for the things I said and did, for showing me how to keep on working until the task is done, for refusing to give in to pain, belittling comments from worldly acquaintances, and debilitating disease, but to keep on plugging for the Lord as long as you can draw a breath. 

            I am grateful that they made me go to church, do my homework, and even brush my teeth and clean my room.  I love that they taught me to treat honesty as a lifestyle instead of a sometime convenience, and that I learned from them how to manage both my time and my money.  I am grateful that I saw them respect others' opinions rather than running them down for doing things differently than they did and that they never thought the rules, even the unspoken ones, were for everyone else.  I was more than blessed in the age and place I grew up in to have parents who taught me to be color blind and to glorify God whenever an opportunity came to teach and/or help those who were different from us, and for showing me the examples of kindness and generosity, especially to the innocent and needy.  And most of all, I am indebted to them for raising me to be a God-fearing, obedient servant of the Lord.  I hate to think what my life would be like otherwise.

              And then—what my children's lives would be like otherwise, and my grandchildren's.  Don't ever think that what you view as a dull, routine life did not matter.  Your children and your grandchildren and, should you live that long, your great-grandchildren will carry the memories you helped them make.  It is gratifying that my grandchildren will have memories a whole lot like mine, based not only on where they live, but how they live. 

            And it all started generations before them with simple people struggling through as best they could and, we hope, will continue on for generations to come.
 
As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.  But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments. (Ps 103:15-18)

Dene Ward

Rahab was a harlot, what we would call a prostitute.  I have come across many commentators who have tried their best to turn her into an “innkeeper,” but the word just won’t allow it.

            The Hebrew word in Josh 2:1 is zanah.  It is also translated commit fornication, go awhoring, play the harlot, play the whore, whorish, whore, etc.  It is used in Lev 19:29; Hos 4:13; Ex 34:16; Isa 23:17 and many other places where the meaning is quite clear.  In the New Testament, the word is porne, in James 2:25 for example, and I do not imagine I need to tell you the English word we get from that Greek one.  This same word is translated whore in Rev 17:1,15,16; 19:2.  Rahab was a harlot, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

            So what is the problem with commentators who insist on “innkeeper?”  The same one the Pharisees had.  If Jesus was the Messiah, how could he possibly associate with publicans and sinners?  If Rahab was a harlot, how could she possibly be in the genealogy of Christ?  Yet they talk about the grace and mercy of God like they understand it better than we do.

            And sometimes we are no better.  Whom do we open our arms to when they walk through our doors?  Whom do we actively seek and label “good prospects for the gospel?”  Yet the people we choose to shun are the people who understand grace because they understand their need for it.  We are a bit like the rich, young ruler, who, though he knew something was missing in his life despite all the laws he kept faithfully, still thought his salvation depended upon something he could do.

            Rahab showed her dependence on God with a scarlet line she hung from her window.  Did you know that word is only translated “line” twice in the Old Testament, counting this occurrence in Josh 2:21?  The other translations are expectation (seven times such as Psa 62:5), hope (23 times, such as Jer 17:13; Psa 71:5), and the thing that I long for (once, Job 6:8).  I do believe it was a literal rope of some sort, but it seems more than passing coincident that the word most of the time has those other meanings.  I have often wondered what her neighbors thought of that cord hanging there, but every day Rahab was reminded of the salvation she did not deserve, that she hoped for, longed for, and expected to receive when those people marched into the land. 

            When we get a little too big for our britches, a little too proud of our pedigree in the kingdom, maybe we need to hang a scarlet cord in our windows to remind us what we used to be, and what we have waiting for us in spite of that.
 
But when the kindness of God our Savior, and his love toward man, appeared, not by works done in righteousness, which we did ourselves, but according to his mercy he saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, which he poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that being justified by his grace we might be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.  Titus 3:4-7
 
Dene Ward

Historical events always have two dimensions: the earthly, where humans act with genuine freedom, and the heavenly, where the sovereign Lord exercises full control.  When human beings fail to take the theological dimension into account, disaster is inevitable.  (Daniel J. Block, The New American Commentary, Judges and Ruth) 

…Until you know that the Most High rules in the kingdom of men, and gives it to whomsoever he will. (Dan 4:17, 25,32; 5:21)

Once before I gave you a set of short statements from a class I had taught that I called “Gleanings.”  It was well-received so I thought you might enjoy this latest set from the year and a half we studied faith—65 pages covering every single passage in the Bible that uses that word.  It has been a while since I learned so much, and I believe we all left it with knowledge that has impacted our daily walks—and isn’t that the purpose of studying God’s Word in the first place?

              First you must understand how this class works--we use the Word of God to determine the truth, NOT what Mama said, what the preacher says, what I’ve always heard, or what I’m comfortable with.  We learn—which means sooner or later we all completely change our minds about something, and ultimately the way we live our lives.  Light bulbs pop on regularly.

              So here is the latest list of “gleanings,” capsule statements that summarized whole lessons.  As usual feel free to use what you like.  Everything here came directly from specific scriptures.

              Faith is inextricably bound with hope.

              Both faith and hope involve full assurance, not just wishing.

              Faith can fluctuate but should be growing so that even today’s down times are higher than those in the past, maybe even higher than yesterday’s up times, and the fluctuation should gradually decrease.

              More faith is required to handle difficult times.

              Faith can completely stop, but it can also be revived.

              Faith is active and visible in a person’s life.

              There are such things as “works of faith.”

              True faith is accompanied by positive character traits like courage, morality, love, and forgiveness.

              Faith is a continuing condition in life, NOT a single instance that occurs early on and that’s that.

              Faith obeys.

              Faith protects.

              Faith is an asset in difficult times, not a burden.

              We live by our faith—spiritual survival, not physical.

              Faith progresses, i.e, it grows and matures.

              Faith fights and overcomes.

              Faith doesn’t expect Heaven in this life.

              Faith does not equal righteousness, but leads to it.

              Faith responds in obedience.

              Faith involves commitment, trust, reliance and acceptance of things we don’t like or understand.

              Our faith is in a Who not a what.

              Faith has less to do with great courageous feats than with an everyday recognition of God and His plan and His promises, and allowing those things to direct every decision, every action, and every word.

              Faith in God is not just about believing that He exists.  True faith is about becoming like Him.

              “O ye of little faith” was always spoken to his closest disciples.  God expects the most from those who claim the greatest faith.

              True faith is a product of humility.

              “Sound” faith in the New Testament is only applied to people who live sound lives.  A sound church, then, has more to do with how its members live from Monday through Saturday than with how it conducts itself on Sunday mornings or how it spends its money.

              Abraham became the father of the faithful only after decades of growing in that faith until finally he surrendered his life and his need for logic in two statements on Mt Moriah:  God is able (Heb 11:19) and God will provide (Gen 22:8).  He trusted God to do what He had promised whether he understood how or not.
             
Dene Ward

Today's post is by guest writer Warren Berkley.

While the New Testament says that a local church can die (Rev. 3:1), we should not be rash in expressing that judgment. First, we do not enjoy the insight and authority of the One who gave the verdict against Sardis. Further, there are some things easy to overlook in our haste.

1. Before you get too far into evaluating a group, be certain you evaluate yourself (Matt. 7:1-6). The Lord hasn’t called us to walk into churches and pronounce them dead. He has called us to evaluate ourselves by the highest standard, be patient, avoid grumbling and pitch in and help. Judgment from a distance and without self-examination is often flawed.
2. Most of the spiritual life of a local church will not be visible when the church is assembled. There are members helping needy members privately; preachers and elders encouraging and studying with members and other events private in nature (Matt. 6:1-18). There are members living righteously against the struggles of life, praying, talking to people about the Lord and raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Much of this may not be announced, publicized or obvious between 9:30 and noon Sunday morning.
3. Scriptural leadership is critical to the life of a local church. But there are cases where some resist good oversight. An entire congregation and/or the elders should not be adversely judged by the misconduct of some.
4. The consistent preaching and teaching of the Word of God is essential. If the Word is being presented (even if not in a style or venue you prefer), you should be capable of taking the Word and the lessons from it out of the building and into your life.
5. The care of the members for each other is a sign of life. This care must run far deeper and practical than just the shaking of hands and the smiling of faces. Your judgment about the “emotional tenor” of the group is personal, preferential and subjective. Quick criticism based on “what I want” can express more about me than the group.
6. The life of a local church must never be dismissed based on money, numbers or building. While it is true that faithful members will give to best of their ability, seek to convert people and make the best provision they can for assembling, these three things are not the primary signs of spiritual life. {Many churches pass the test of money, numbers and physical building – but fail to meet the test of submission to Christ.}
7. The key to the life of any local church is, honoring Christ. Poor people and old people can honor Christ can’t they? They may not seem to be lively to the eyes of some. God knows.

 
Warren Berkley

Warren is a gospel preacher, author, and the writer of berksblog.net.  He is also a fellow writer for the emag Pressing On.

A chance remark by an acquaintance has never affected me quite so much.
 
             These were new neighbors, mostly just nodding acquaintances over the south fence line.  But the wife was a social creature who had been uprooted from her friends and moved thirty miles into the country by her husband's retirement dreams.  As soon as I introduced myself, she was ready for a new friendship.

              He, on the other hand, was a bit aloof and quite full of himself, quick and eager to list his life's accomplishments, most of which involved making money, and we didn't have any so we couldn't be too important.  Still, she had talked enough about us to him that he knew the basics. 

              I had traipsed through the woods one morning for a cup of coffee, and as we sat there, he came in from an early morning golf foursome.  To his credit, he sat down for a bit of conversation.

              "Did you see the movie…" he began, but quickly stopped and amended, "Oh no, you're a Christian.  You wouldn't have seen that movie."

              That has stuck with me for years.  Too many times I hear my brethren arguing about what is or isn't a sin.  Most of the time, it's something one of them wants to do, or already is participating in that the other one has questioned.  Isn't it odd that the world knows exactly what a Christian ought not to be doing while some Christians seem mystified?

              Of course I understand that "what the world thinks" is NOT to be our barometer of authority.  But Paul told the Corinthian church they were accepting something "that is not even tolerated among the Gentiles," 1 Cor 5:1.  When he lists the works of the flesh in Gal 5:19-21, he begins with, "The works of the flesh are obvious," and ends with "and anything similar."  The way some argue, you would think that what is and isn't appropriate behavior for a Christian is some nebulous, hard to decipher principle.  God, through his apostle, says that anyone with an ounce of brainpower can figure it out.

              What does it say about us when we cannot?
 
“Therefore thus says the LORD: Ask among the nations, Who has heard the like of this? The virgin Israel has done a very horrible thing.  Does the snow of Lebanon leave the crags of Sirion? Do the mountain waters run dry, the cold flowing streams?​  But my people have forgotten me; they make offerings to false gods; they made them stumble in their ways, in the ancient roads, and to walk into side roads, not the highway, making their land a horror, a thing to be hissed at forever. Everyone who passes by it is horrified and shakes his head. (Jer 18:13-16)

Dene Ward

It must be a sign of age.  I find myself reminiscing a lot more lately.  When we walked the property with Lucas last Thanksgiving we talked more about the past than the present.  Certainly more than the future—which for us is suddenly so much smaller than the past.

              “Remember the wild myrtles by the fire pit?”

              “Yes, we sometimes hung a tarp on the branches so we could scoot under it and have a hot dog roast even in a drizzle.”

              “Remember the pine tree in the field?”

              “Yep.  That was first base.”

              “Remember how small these oak trees used to be?”

              “Yes.  I used to climb up limbs that are too rotten to trust any longer, what there are left of them.”

              I remember wondering what it would be like after the boys were grown, when we were living here alone in a quiet house and an empty yard.  No more wondering, only remembering.

              I have said to more than one who came seeking advice that looking back on our past can be helpful.  If you despair at ever becoming the Christian you ought to be, look where you were ten years ago.  Can you see any improvement?  Can you say to yourself, “I don’t act that way now,” about anything at all?  God meant for us to be encouraged, and I find nothing in the scriptures telling me I can’t take a moment every now and then to check my progress and use it as a gauge, both to spur myself on if I see none, and to invigorate my growth with any positive impetus it gives me.

              Many times we quote Paul’s comment to the Philippians, “Forgetting the things that are behind…” (3:13). In fact, I have heard preachers say we shouldn’t think about the past at all.  But Paul didn’t believe that.  He remembered all his life where he started, “the chief of sinners,” 1 Tim 1:16.  He used that memory to keep himself humble before others and grateful to God for the salvation granted him. It bolstered his faith enough to endure countless hardships and persecutions.  As a “chief sinner” he could hardly rail against God for the tortures he suffered when he knew he deserved so much more.

              God has always wanted his people to remember the past.  I lost count of the passages in Deuteronomy exhorting Israel to remember that they were slaves in a foreign country, and that God loved them enough to deliver them with His mighty hand.  Here is a case, though, where the reminding didn’t work as it did for Paul.  Still, God tried.  What is the Passover but a reminder of their deliverance from Egypt?  What is the Feast of Tabernacles but a reminder of His care for them in the wilderness?  What was the pot of manna in the Ark of the Covenant, the stones on the breastplate of the ephod, and the pile of rocks by the Jordan but the same?  “Remember, remember, remember!” God enjoined.  It’s how we use that memory that makes it right or wrong.

              Paul says we are to remember what we used to be.  “And such were some of you,” he reminds the Corinthians in chapter 6, after listing what we consider the worst sins imaginable.  You “were servants of sin” he reminds the Romans in 6:17.  You once walked “according to the course of this world,” “in vanity of mind,” “in the desire of the Gentiles,” and in a host of other sins too numerous to list (Eph 2:2; 4:17; 1 Pet 4:3; Col 3; Titus 3.)  Those memories should spur us on in the same way they prodded Paul.  Nothing is too hard to bear, too much to ask, or too difficult to overcome if we remember where we started.  Be encouraged by your growth and take heart.

              And then this: let your gratitude be always abounding, overflowing, and effusive to a God who loves us in whatever state we find ourselves, as long as that growth continues.
 
Therefore remember that at one time you Gentiles in the flesh, called "the uncircumcision" by what is called the circumcision, which is made in the flesh by hands-- remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ, Ephesians 2:11-13.
 
Dene Ward

Air plants are epiphytes, which means they grow without soil.  They grow naturally on tree limbs or trunks, and can easily be grown in a terrarium indoors—usually those clear round balls people hang in their windows.  They do need watering once a week, and then they need to be allowed to dry out before they are watered again so they won't rot, but otherwise it is pretty hard to kill an air plant.  Some garden shops even call them "unkillable," which is surprising since it looks like we have managed to kill one.
 
             A neighbor gave us a staghorn fern.  It is large, probably weighing in at about forty pounds.  No, we did not kill that one, which would have amounted to burying good money in the ground.  Those things are worth a pretty penny.  Our neighbor has been offered several hundred dollars for her hundred pound specimen.  But we did remove two of the babies from ours, place them in nylon netting and then hang them on one of live oak trunks.  One is doing great, already producing more fronds, but the other is on its last legs, so to speak.  It has been that way for at least two months, which tells me this:  air plants may not be unkillable, but they certainly take a long time to die.

              I think I have seen a few air plants on the pews on Sunday mornings.  I guess they take in enough nutrients from the "atmosphere" they sit in to hang on for a good while.  Yet they never grow, they never bloom and put out new growth, and eventually they turn brittle and gray.  Finally they starve to death and completely dry up.  You would, too, if you only ate one small meal a week. 

              Those spiritual air plants may take years to finally give it up.  The thing is, even a dry, gray air plant can be revived with a good soak in the water.  If we find ourselves at death's spiritual door, we need a good soak in the Living Water to revive us.  After that, it's up to us to keep on growing, taking in what we need to not only survive, but thrive.  Then we can truly be "unkillable."
 
Be horrified at this, heavens; be shocked and utterly appalled. This is the LORD’s declaration.  For My people have committed a double evil: They have abandoned Me, the fountain of living water, and dug cisterns for themselves, cracked cisterns that cannot hold water. (Jer 2:12-13)

​Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks from this water will get thirsty again.  But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again — ever! In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up within him for eternal life.” (John 4:13-14)
 
Dene Ward
 

On April 30, 1803, America signed a treaty with France giving her possession of the Louisiana territory for $11,250,000 plus assuming claims of American citizens against France totaling $3,750,000.  For a grand total of $15 million we gained 828,000 square miles of land.  We received a territory that eventually became 13 states for 3 cents an acre.  Let's just say, France was having troubles.  They needed some quick cash.  And the United States was expanding quickly.  "Manifest Destiny" was not yet a policy, but a lot of people had the bug already.

               Owning a piece of land was our goal, too, when we moved to this part of the state.  I remember when we finally signed the papers and came out to make plans for our new home site.  Walking on this ground was suddenly different.  Every place we put our feet was ours, or was it? 

              We have done our best to be good stewards of this land, this loan from God.  Stewardship is what being green is all about.  We used this ground for our family’s sustenance.  We raised pigs for their meat and chickens for their eggs.  We grew a large vegetable garden, and a little herb garden closer to the kitchen.  We planted grapevines and blueberry bushes and several kinds of fruit trees. 

              We also tried to make the world a more beautiful place.  We transplanted azaleas, jasmine, roses, and lilies, and have added an amaryllis bed, a trellis of six different flowering vines, wildflowers in the field, and annuals here and there.

              We have used it to create a loving home for our children.  Keith and the boys built a doghouse for all the various family pets.  In the early days they put up a swing set.  Later they set a basketball goal in the field.  They put together a backboard to act as catcher in their three-man baseball game (pitcher-batter-fielder), and hauled in dirt from the back corner of the property to make a pitcher’s mound.  We tried to make this possession of ours a good place, a useful place.  We tried to make it more than just a has-been watermelon field.

              You are God’s possession.  He told his people at least twice in Deuteronomy, “You are my treasured possession.”  We have this tendency to say, “It’s my life; I can do as I please.”  No it isn’t, and no you can’t.  You belong to God.

              Maybe it is more difficult for us in our culture.  We do not understand belonging to a person.  That is slavery, something this country paid a huge price to rid itself of.  But those ancient people did understand.  I found two places in the Old Testament where men told other men, “We are yours.”  (2 Kings 10:5; 1 Chron 12:18)  They added comments like, “We are on your side,” and “We will do all you say to do.”  Do you think God asks any less of us?

              Even when we understand that, we limit it, and try to make it sound better for being so:  as long as my heart is for God, nothing else matters.  You cannot compartmentalize your devotion to God.  YOU belong to God, not just your heart, not just your actions, not just your words or your time or your money—all of you, even your physical body.  “It is He who has made us and not we ourselves” Psalm 100:3.  Of course we are his possession.

              Paul reminds us of the same thing in his argument against one particular sin.   Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of a harlot? God forbid, 1 Cor 6:13,15. 

              What we do with our bodies does matter.  Just as the two of us would be angry for anyone to use our piece of land for something sinful, God is angry when we use his possession for sins of the flesh.  Just as we want to make the best use of this land for as long as possible, God expects us to care for his possession so that it will be useful to him for as long as possible.

              Taking care of God’s possession, our bodies, involves far more than the usual abstinence from smoking, drugs, and liquor we usually associate with this concept.  Especially as we grow older, ailments happen.  Sometimes its genetics, but sometimes it’s because we didn’t take care of ourselves the years before.  Staying healthy for as long as possible is the least we owe God, but usually the last thing we think about. 

              And after illnesses come about, do you follow your doctor’s instructions?  I am simply amazed when my doctors ask me if I take my medicine regularly, and if I can handle the discomfort they cause.  Evidently some people can’t—or won’t.  The medicine tastes bad, or the eye drops burn, or it’s too much trouble to remember.  We have turned into a nation of whiners.

              We aren’t put here to play.  We are put here for our master’s use.  “We were bought with a price,” Paul says.  Is the Lord getting his money’s worth out of you?
 
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1Cor 6:19-20
 
Dene Ward

Today's post is by guest writer Keith Ward.

Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Gen 2:23-24).

The stated reason that a man is to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife is that she is bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh.  Such closeness does not come with the pronouncement of vows or a simple change of address.  Paul says a man never hates his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it as Christ does the church.  We are members of Christ's body, bone of his bones, and nourished and cherished by him.  What limits did Christ put on caring for his body, the church?  What need of his bride goes unmet?  Being head requires the love that motivates a husband to do all, not "all he can" but "all" to provide his wife's needs.

Christ's purpose toward his bride was to present the church to himself "not having spot or wrinkle" and becoming "holy and without blemish."  A husband's considered goal must be to nourish his bride into becoming that kind of wife.  The church requires liberal applications of washing with the word to become a present to Christ.  Most brides need nourishing and cherishing to transform them into the wife that is a glorious present to her husband.  Young husbands are not even being taught that they ought to be doing this much less, how to do it.  And, for the most part, the older men have focused only on being providers of the physical necessities and so, have zero experience in this area to pass on about the true meaning of nourishing and cherishing a woman.  [Clue, it takes more than candy on Valentine's Day and roses on your anniversary.]

If a house and a sufficient food supply feeds and warms the outward person, then what feeds a woman's character, her soul?  A man belonging to God must think about this in order to be the head God appointed him to be.  Providing physical needs is the easiest part, even during hard times.  What does your woman need in order to develop mentally, for her character to grow?  Maybe she has been protected and needs to learn to live in the real world; maybe her biblical knowledge is less than it ought to be; maybe she is still too much a child to be raising children.  Add to this, what are the husband's goals.  What if, for example, he hopes to be an elder?  Then what must she become to stand beside him?  

We quickly conclude that every man must develop a plan for them to grow together, to become one.  And, here I must confess that I failed.  We did not have a plan.  We just stumbled along with a Godward attitude and bounced around with a lot of bruises and somehow got better.  OH…. but how much better could we have become had someone shown me the need to develop a concrete plan for our one-ness to grow—bone of my bone, heart of my heart?  It could have been so much more, so much sooner.  Here are a couple of suggestions.

First, plans have to be flexible.  When you marry, you do not know so very much about each other after all.  Then, she will change: bride to wife, mother, empty nester, grandmother; children's teacher to women's Bible Class teacher, teacher's wife, deacon's wife, elder's wife.  Planning for each stage will be different and require Bible study together and practical discussions.

Next, plans must be realistic about her shortcomings and yours, and how you will work toward fixing these problems.  Books and preachers and elders can help, but the husband needs true wisdom to translate that information to meet their personal needs.  This is his duty as head.

Every woman needs emotional warming.  When she is upset about something, just hold her.  Don't formulate a solution, just hold her.  Listen.  Don't tell her how to fix it; [she knows] just listen.  And, then, hold her.  

She needs emotional feeding.  Compliment her.  Tell others how happy you are that she____________.   Encourage her.  Reward her.  There are things she needs that you will never understand.  Your job does not require understanding why, just understanding that she needs these things and giving them to her.
Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing.  But, not all married women are wives as defined in this proverb.  Good wives are born of nourishing and cherishing by good husbands who are determined to fulfill their role as Christ did for the church.

Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. (1Pet 2:18).
 
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, (1Pet 3:1).

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (1Pet 3:7).

Keith Ward