There has always been an "In Crowd". I'm not sure exactly how it starts but by middle school—junior high in my day—it's in full bloom. It doesn't stop there. It continues into adulthood—in colleges, in neighborhoods, in work forces, anywhere people congregate. Adults, mind you, who are still judging people by the same immature standards they did as children. If you are different in any way from their "ideal," if you act differently—too quiet or too obvious—if you dress differently, if you are too intelligent or not intelligent enough, if you speak differently, and especially if you look different, if you have a health problem and especially if that problem makes your behavior, speech, or appearance different from others, you are not and never will be part of the In Crowd. It's just another form of bigotry.
And here is the saddest truth of all: it even exists among the Lord's people. When people began to follow Jesus in earnest, the scribes and Pharisees—the In Crowd of the day—said, "This multitude that does not know the law [like we do] is accursed" John 7:49. It really had nothing to do with the Law, but everything to do with their traditions and the power they wanted to wield as the elite. They had nothing but contempt for the people they were supposed to be leading.
In their day it was a matter of status and power and wealth. When Jesus' preaching ripped them to shreds and left the common people feeling the hope and joy of acceptance by God, he was signing his own death warrant. When he ate with publicans, spoke to and accepted financing from women, taught Samaritans, healed lepers, the epileptic, and the demon-possessed, and forgave the vilest of sinners, he was announcing that he had no use for the superficiality of those who considered themselves God's gift to—well, God Himself.
And it happens in the church too. I've seen doctrinal matters decided not by scripture, but by who knows what Big Name Preacher, on which wealthier family believes what, or on who liked whose personality better—in short, on who was in the In Crowd.
And just like in the world, it starts with the children. If there was ever a group that should not have its share of "mean girls" (or boys), it's the disciples of a Lord who went out of his way to accept the ones who were outside looking in. There's no excuse for us allowing our children to grow up thinking they can shun or ridicule someone who isn't "cool" or "pretty" or "fun," or who doesn't wear the latest styles, or like the coolest teen idols, or any other such shallow reason. They will not outgrow it. They will just turn into the adult version, just as shallow and sometimes just as mean. Those adults will avoid speaking to and even do their best to avoid running into the ones who are not on the right list. And those poor folks will sit alone at services, stand alone afterward, and, as a result, feel alone in the midst of a laughing and chattering crowd.
You may not know it is happening. Could I suggest that it might be because you are already in the In Crowd, too happy to even notice the others? If we are to nip this in the bud, do this today: Ask your child, "Is there anyone in your Bible class that you never talk to? Anyone you will not sit next to? Anyone you and your friends talk about and even laugh about?" Then make sure they are telling you the truth. (Joanne Beckley recently wrote a powerful post on how to tell if your child is lying to you.) If they have sat in Bible classes long enough, they will know the right answers whether they are doing the right things or not. But this is important and you need to make it clear to them. If they are old enough to be baptized believers, tell them that such behavior is not following the steps of the Lord they claimed. It is bigotry every bit as much as racism. And it is not acceptable; it is sin.
Then look at yourself and see if you are the one who taught them such behavior.
When we persist in these things, we may be the ones who, on that last day, find ourselves on the outside looking in.
If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. (Jas 2:8-9)
Dene Ward
And here is the saddest truth of all: it even exists among the Lord's people. When people began to follow Jesus in earnest, the scribes and Pharisees—the In Crowd of the day—said, "This multitude that does not know the law [like we do] is accursed" John 7:49. It really had nothing to do with the Law, but everything to do with their traditions and the power they wanted to wield as the elite. They had nothing but contempt for the people they were supposed to be leading.
In their day it was a matter of status and power and wealth. When Jesus' preaching ripped them to shreds and left the common people feeling the hope and joy of acceptance by God, he was signing his own death warrant. When he ate with publicans, spoke to and accepted financing from women, taught Samaritans, healed lepers, the epileptic, and the demon-possessed, and forgave the vilest of sinners, he was announcing that he had no use for the superficiality of those who considered themselves God's gift to—well, God Himself.
And it happens in the church too. I've seen doctrinal matters decided not by scripture, but by who knows what Big Name Preacher, on which wealthier family believes what, or on who liked whose personality better—in short, on who was in the In Crowd.
And just like in the world, it starts with the children. If there was ever a group that should not have its share of "mean girls" (or boys), it's the disciples of a Lord who went out of his way to accept the ones who were outside looking in. There's no excuse for us allowing our children to grow up thinking they can shun or ridicule someone who isn't "cool" or "pretty" or "fun," or who doesn't wear the latest styles, or like the coolest teen idols, or any other such shallow reason. They will not outgrow it. They will just turn into the adult version, just as shallow and sometimes just as mean. Those adults will avoid speaking to and even do their best to avoid running into the ones who are not on the right list. And those poor folks will sit alone at services, stand alone afterward, and, as a result, feel alone in the midst of a laughing and chattering crowd.
You may not know it is happening. Could I suggest that it might be because you are already in the In Crowd, too happy to even notice the others? If we are to nip this in the bud, do this today: Ask your child, "Is there anyone in your Bible class that you never talk to? Anyone you will not sit next to? Anyone you and your friends talk about and even laugh about?" Then make sure they are telling you the truth. (Joanne Beckley recently wrote a powerful post on how to tell if your child is lying to you.) If they have sat in Bible classes long enough, they will know the right answers whether they are doing the right things or not. But this is important and you need to make it clear to them. If they are old enough to be baptized believers, tell them that such behavior is not following the steps of the Lord they claimed. It is bigotry every bit as much as racism. And it is not acceptable; it is sin.
Then look at yourself and see if you are the one who taught them such behavior.
When we persist in these things, we may be the ones who, on that last day, find ourselves on the outside looking in.
If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. (Jas 2:8-9)
Dene Ward
RSS Feed