We have kept them several times before, including a two week stint when their parents went to Israel. Judah was only 5 and completely oblivious of anything except toys to play with and meals to eat. Being away from Mom and Dad that long didn't seem to bother him much, but it did Silas, who was 8 then, and perhaps finally old enough to think of the possibilities. On the fifth afternoon he was with us, his head got droopy and so did his smile. I thought I might have seen a tear brimming in one eye. So I sat him in my lap and hugged him and told him it was okay to cry and be sad that Mommy and Daddy were away so long. He did cry quietly then, just for a few minutes as I rocked him. Then I reminded him how much his grandfather and I loved him and that time would pass quickly and his parents would be back home. That seemed to take care of it. He was a happy child from then on. I took a video of him in the pool and he talked to them on the international phone line three or four times. They never knew he had had a problem.
This last time Judah was 8, and Silas was 11. Must be something about the age of 8. Silas came to me the third morning and said, "Do you remember, Grandma, when Mom and Dad went to Israel and I got sad, how you talked to me and made me feel so much better? Well, I think I saw tears in Judah's eyes this morning. Do you think you could do that for him too?" Of course I could, and did, and Judah did fine after that, too.
That sweet boy can teach us two things this morning. Have you ever heard those sermons about serving and wondered what you could do, about helping those who are having troubles and wish you knew how to help them? Have you ever heard others talk about the people who came to them during a bad time and helped get them through it and thought, "How did they even know about the problem?" Silas certainly figured it out.
Here's the first thing—pay attention to those around you. Infants may be completely egocentric, with a perspective that is only about, "Me" and what happens to "Me." But mature people should have learned to notice others. You will never be able to help a soul if you don't notice they are having problems. That means look at people, closely. Silas was close enough to see tears. Listen to people. When someone's anger seems completely misplaced, it's probably masking a hurt. When someone is the opposite of their usual self, something is definitely wrong. But you will never be able to look closely, listen closely, or notice differences in people's behavior if you are always chattering, always laughing, always talking about yourself. It certainly isn't wrong to laugh and have a good time, but at some point, a mature person learns the value of silence and observation. If an 11 year old can be quiet and still long enough to figure these things out, so can we.
So now that you have noticed something, if you don't think you can help, what do you do? Silas came to the one who had helped him. Sometimes the one who is upset is someone you do not feel close to—go to someone who is close to him and ask them to help. Sometimes it is a problem you have no experience with. Find someone who has that experience. Or if you are simply a beginner at all of this, find an older person with a reputation for wisdom. The one thing you must never do is leave that hurting person alone with their pain. If all you can do is give them a hug, do it. Sometimes that is all it takes.
I am proud of my grandson for being the big brother he is. Oh, they have their fusses. But this time he noticed his little brother was having a problem and he did something about it. Surely we can do the same thing an eleven year old can. Pay attention and look for help. And, if you haven't done so, now is the time to start teaching your own children how to pay attention to others and try to help. I imagine Silas learned it from his parents' examples. Now it's your turn--make sure your children learn it from you.
Therefore lift up the drooping hands and strengthen the weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed (Heb 12:12-13).
Dene Ward